Ok guys, I am doing it. On sunday, I`m going to bring to my branch president the resignation letter. I am not alone, me and my husband are going to go. He`s so calm, me instead... I am so damn nervous, so damn anxious, I am afraid that something terrible could happen to me next. I am kinda panicking now.
I know there is nothing you can do and that I just must be strong, but I really don`t know how to calm myself :((((((

I don't know what to say, I had to resign online. If I would have tried face to face I would have folded. They are too good with talking and persuasion and would have flattened me like a chair.

You can do it. Just remember all the reasons you're leaving and practice saying "no".

Or... mail in or email your resignation. That's what my husband did.

Don't wait to be excused and don't expect the bish to understand. These guys might or might not try to be cordial in hopes you'll change your mind.

He's just a guy on a power trip with no special powers. He's the one with something to lose, not you.

Whatever he says the sun will come up in the morning and you'll be fine and free.

Cheryl is right you will definitely have to be firm if you resign face to face.

Or he could be some poor guy stuck being bishop and looking for his own way out.

Spend plenty of time in front of a mirror saying and practicing your words. Make eye contact in the mirror with yourself.
Repeat it until you have absolutely no physical response (trembling, short of breath, nausea, etc).
Don't be embarrassed if those around you can see you practice. This is a standard acting exercise.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 09:51AM by siobhan.

After you resign, you will soon learn to listen to your own heart.

Why not trust your gut right now, as a first step?

You are anxious for a reason! You know this meeting will go badly. People here on RFM have had bad experiences, and so have I, and so have my children, and so have our friends.

You are likely to be threatened! This is a form of bullying. No wonder you are nervous. Create a dialog. How will you reply to accusations? How will you defend yourself from the threats? I was threatened that I would get sicker (I was ill at the time), that I would fail financially, and that my children would fail in life! That's pretty harsh.

The bullying was unexpected, and I had no replies prepared. I did say, "You can't tell God what to do."

It's important to remember that the Mormons have no power over you!

The Mormons have no power with God, either!

Their power is all made up. It's smoke and mirrors. They are like the Wizard of Oz, and behind the curtain of their puffed-up image, they are tiny little men, afraid of those same threats that their parents and bishops and Mormon leaders used against them.

You are lucky your husband will be with you. I wonder if the Mormons will try to separate you in their interview--don't let them! Stay strong! Really, they can't physically harm you, without being arrested.

I "had to" face my bishop all alone. But, now I realize that I didn't "Have to" do anything. The second they receive your resignation letter, you are officially resigned. Mormon rules are all made up. They are after your money, and they don't want to see your tithing dollars leave. You are no longer Mormons, and their silly rules mean nothing.

The bishop, the stake presidency, the home teachers, and others made me cry. I do regret that. I regret letting them into my house, in the first place. I owed them nothing. They owed me at least a thank-you for years of playing the organ. The only up-side to my seeing these horrible men was that my children witnessed their nasty accusations and abuse. My children resigned with me.

You really don't have to put yourself through this--neither you nor your husband. Your letter will tell them for you. Don't let them lie to you and tell you that you need to do anything more.

After we resigned, the bullies returned to try to manipulate me into giving organ lessons for free. I was still sick, and trying to return to working full-time to support my children.

Once you realize you are dealing with a full-blown CULT, you will feel stronger than you've ever felt. It could be a good thing to face them down, and expose them for who they are. My children thought the Mormons were very creepy.

Pray, of you feel like it. God is on your side! God doesn't want people to belong to cults, or for people to do rituals for dead people, or for people's money to be stolen by big business. God would never approve of a religion that is racist, full of hate, and believes in polygamy in heaven.

Two other zingers I managed to tell those men, through my tears were:

"You are threatening me!"

"I know this is not God's church!"

All I have to add is f#ck the bullying.

Thank you everyone, wow, It is so good to feel understood.Really, thanks.
I really feel alone. I am going to go and I also told my president that I am going, because me and him used to have a nice relationship. I really hope he`s not going to call for a disciplinary council before I`ll take the letters! I read that many people had this experience.

I wish you well. You can do it, but then again you could just mail them the letters (even e-mail). However, do not let them hold a disciplinary counsel on you. Resign and they cannot do anything. Don't resign (or put it off), and they can and probably will hold a counsel on you - and then they get to gossip about you, smear your name, degrade you guys, and slander you in their fantasy meetingsl. Take the control away from them and resign asap. There was a law suit in OK some years back where a man had resigned, but they went ahead and ex'ed him anyway. He won that suit. Don't be afraid of them. They are just people.

I did not resign when I left the church 10 years ago, but I had voiced my "apostate" views to my friend who was in a stake position. He told everyone on me, they held a court w/o my knowledge, and they ex'ed me. I regret it to this day for not resigning.

hold a disciplinary council if you hand them the resignation letters.

My question is why are you doing it in person. I did end up seeing the bishop. He came to my door with a homemade cinnamon roll. I've known him for years. He actually told me he wouldn't try to talk me out of resigning as he had seen some of what I'd been through through the years. In fact, he showed up on a very important day in my life, which I felt told me something about what I was doing.

I e-mailed mine in. Many people were afraid I'd have a bad reaction, but I needed to do it to draw a line in the sand for my TBM daughter. Even my nonmormon boyfriend, who knew me in my 20s and how devout I was, tried to talk me out of it out of fear of how I'd react. I don't take things well in most circumstances. They sent me the regular letter telling me what blessings I was losing, blah, blah, blah, with a pamphlet.

I have never once regretted it. It was like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. It has been 5, 6, or 7 years. Can't remember now.

Why is it that you need to do this in person?

scmd1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why is it that you need to do this in person?


Because I used to have a nice relationship with him while I was in the church. He is a good man and I really would like to make him understand that I don't have anything against him. But when I called him to tell about the letter, he changed his voice tone and asked me for the keys of the church. For a year he didn't ask for them. Oh well. I guess I just must hold my head high and face him one last time.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 07:59AM by abrandnewme.

Just be firm. Don't let him railroad you.

I sent the email and sent the email to my stake president. I just need to face my branch president cause I didn't want to sent him an email, for the friendship we had. I know it's a strong choice. But it seemed so cold to send him an email that I didn't do it in the end. Yeah, I really make myself too many trobles!

Notice, though, how "cold" he got (asking you to return the church keys) as soon as you let him know you were going to resign?
His friendship with you was conditional. It was based on you toeing the line, obeying him and the church. It wasn't based on mutual respect and admiration between two people.

Please remember that when you see him.

I agree with Hie. A true friend would fully respect your personal choice. He is a conditional "friend."

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Notice, though, how "cold" he got (asking you to
> return the church keys) as soon as you let him
> know you were going to resign?
> His friendship with you was conditional. It was
> based on you toeing the line, obeying him and the
> church. It wasn't based on mutual respect and
> admiration between two people.
>
> Please remember that when you see him.

Yeah. You are so right. That's sad :(((

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 05:40PM by abrandnewme.

Remember this is not like you are giving him a tithing envelope. This is not about him or rules. This is about you and your decisions which are none of their business.

You do not need to explain or "have questions answered" or listen to their attempts to fix you. Do NOT let him get off any apologetic drivel. It will be uncomfortable face to face. He will be "sad" and all that. You should not have to feel like you need to report to him or the anxiety you are expressing.

I mailed mine. Done. They called me but I was brief. Don't let them work you. "Come into my office" blah blah.

No doubt he is a nice person and you want to be courteous and all that. If you buy a Chevy instead of a Ford, you don't have to explain yourself to Ford to let them know not to take it personally.

You have been paying to be a Mormon. You are the customer. Walk away. You can easily include a sentence in the letter that you have no ill will toward any individuals but are leaving because you find the teachings not true and you simply do not believe.

Good luck! Just realize the anxiety you are feeling is exactly what they have conditioned you to have. You are lucky your husband is on the same page.

Another option is to have your husband deliver both letters since he seems less concerned. I wouldn't want to go and subject myself to potential drama.

Whatever you decide, I hope it goes well. Welcome to being in charge of your life. It's a wonderful thing. Let us know how it goes.

Honestly, I would do it all by mail. You can even mail the keys. There is a reason that the recommended way to resign is through the Member Records department in SLC. That is because MR will provide oversight of the process, and if your bishop stalls or refuses to process the resignation (and that has happened,) MR will complete the process. Also, your bishop can't put you through a disciplinary council once you have resigned or the church will face a lawsuit (MR is well aware of this, which is why that department will process the resignation without undue delay.)

https://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

However, if you insist on meeting with the bishop, I would *also* send the email to MR today. That way you can tell him that you've already emailed the resignation to MR and you are giving him a copy of it as a courtesy.

I would keep your explanation as simple as possible, i.e. you are resigning for personal reasons or because you don't believe it anymore. Above all else, remember that you don't need to explain yourself, have a discussion about it, or justify your choice. You live in a country that has freedom of religion and you are exercising that.

Your resignation is effective from the date that it is received. After a period of time, perhaps a few weeks, you may receive a letter saying that your resignation "is a local matter." This letter is completely normal and just means that the church is putting your resignation through its normal procedures. After another period of time, perhaps a few weeks, you will receive a final confirmation letter. The entire process should take less than two months.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 04:03PM by summer.

You don't owe anyone an explanation. You're an adult and have a right to attend or leave any church for any reason. There are nice guys in the mormon church but that doesn't mean they'll understand or offer support to those who leave.

If you feel you must face this person, please be ready to thank him for his time and leave at your convenience.

"Thank you for seeing us. It's time to go. Have a nice day. Goodbye."

I totally agree with the others. At the VERY least, mail the letters to the membership department in addition to meeting with the bishop. Also, it is very important for you to realize something----you are resigning your membership, NOT asking permission to have your name removed. Take back your power!

You do NOT need to resign in person. Why do you feel obliged to do that?

You can resign by mail or e-mail. I did mine by snail mail in 2005, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. They tried to subject me to meeting with the local laypeople after SLC received my mail. I called SLC and told them in no uncertain terms would I do that. They were the reason we resigned when we did.

Just let it go. You aren't really resigned if you feel obliged to go in person to tell them you're quitting IMO. In fact, you may be the first person I've met here on RfM or elsewhere who has done it that way, if you do.

Please reconsider, and save your dignity by resigning from the privacy of your own home, without needing anyone's approval or condescension.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 10:40AM by Amyjo.

The Bishop may ask you to give it some more time and pray about it or want to give you a reading assignment and then pray about it. He may warn you of the blessings you will forfeit if you leave. He may bear his testimony. You should expect any or all of these things.

I would respectfully listen to him. I would then follow up by telling him that you HAVE prayed about it. You can sort of bear YOUR testimony why you no longer believe. You could mention the problem with the BOA or DNA and the BOM or mention some of the bad things Joseph Smith did such as polygamy and polyandry. You could mention that he sent Orin Porter Rockwell to assassinate ex-governor Lilburn Boggs.

I would tell him the church has been dishonest by hiding much of its history. I would encourage the bishop to read the essays and CES letter. I would then thank him for his concern but reassure him you know the church isn't true. Then thank him and leave.

Hell yeah. That's what I would like yo do. Don't know if I am strong enough, though. Hope so

The road to freedom is scary

The road OUT OF MORMONISM is
The road to freedom!

Don't be afraid. Don't hesitate
One step in front of the other

Skip To My Lou, My Darling

A couple of my thoughts:

Resign however you want to. If you don't follow your heart, you can regret it later. If you feel like you need to resign in person, then do so. Make sure you know what you're doing and that you do have options, if something else, like mail or email feels like the right thing, do that. YOU are in charge here.

If you do resign in person, remember, as others have said, this is about you. Your Branch Pres. is just a guy, he literally has no power or authority over you. If you didn't know that, you wouldn't be resigning. He can and probably will express his disappointment, regrets, how much he'll "miss" you, any kind of emotional blackmail to make you feel as bad as he can to get you to stay. YOU hold your head high knowing you are doing the right thing, do not let him make you feel bad for making the right decision for YOU.

To go along with the above, again, as others have said, you owe him no explanation, you do not need an "exit interview" or a sit down of any kind, unless YOU choose to. YOU are in charge here, this is YOUR exit. Recognize his actions for what they are, attempts to keep you a member, or at least make you feel bad for leaving, which in turn, validates his belief that he's right. "See, they feel bad, so I must be right". You do not have to answer any questions, and certainly don't feel like you need to dignify anything like "What sins are you committing that are leading you to leave the church?". The longer he can talk to you, the more he can make you feel bad and he'll feel like there's a chance that he can talk you out of resigning. If you don't want to talk say, "everything I need to say is in this letter. Thank you for processing this paperwork. Good by."

It's very important to remember that YOU are in control, not him. He may be, may have been, a friend, but in this interaction, he's a representative of the church, but he's just a guy who may or may not think he has some power over you.

You mentioned in your OP that you're worried that "something terrible could happen to me next". I understand that worry. After I resigned I was worried that something would go wrong and it would mean that I should have stayed a member or something. It was hard to shake. I kept looking for the other shoe to drop.

What worked for me was remembering that life happens, that sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. It doesn't mean that there's a relationship between leaving the church and something bad happening. Focusing on, or looking for that "bad thing" can make it become a self fulfilling prophecy. Anything that happens after you resign can become "the sign".

Don't let that happen. Instead Watch for the good things that happen after you resign, the weight off your shoulders, the time to live life more genuinely. Look for the good things that come as a direct result of leaving the church behind.

Regardless of all of the above, good luck to you, let us know how things go if you can.

I am so afraid of that because it is written in my patriarchal blessing.... :(

Perhaps you'll permit me a bit of sarcasm here... What!? Something that's supposed to make you feel guilty and worried that if you aren't worthy then everything will go wrong is making you feel worried that if you don't stay worthy that everything is going to fall apart!?

Seriously though, the point of the patriarchal blessing is to say, if you toe the line then all these great things will happen, if you don't then horrible things will happen and it's your fault. They try very hard to build it up so you make it a self fulfilling prophecy with built in consequences. You're basically falling for their trap.


There were a lot of things in my blessing. Thing that I stayed very faithful and hoped to receive. Even as a TBM I knew that after a period of time that they just weren't going to happen and had to start the justifications, maybe I wasn't woethy, maybe I don't understand what it means (even though it was plain English).

After I left I realized what those "blessings" were, guesses, fortune tellers tricks and guilt traps.

Don't fall for it. Don't give it power over you. You're better than that. I know that because you're getting out of the church. Look for the good, don't waste your time making trouble for yourself.

Just do it online. You can email it in, and tell them you don’t want anyone calling or visiting you...that’s what I did.
If it’s making you that anxious don’t go in, just mail it to him or to the church office building. The church has given you enough anxiety in the past. Don’t torture yourself when you don’t have to.

It feels scary doesn't it?

just email it ... the bishop will probably have to contact you as

part of the routine of your leaving but he just came to my door

and said he had recieved the resignation letter and did I really

want to leave the church to which I smilingly said Yes I want to

leave the church. Comming to your home is just a formality, no

biggie. I can't tell you what a relief it was for me... I still

remember from time to time that I'm not a member any longer and

I break out into my happy dance... and its been four years

You can do it and you'll be so happy you did.

let us know how it goes for you.... Yay Yay I'm excited for you

already.

You dont have to go through this. Avoid confrontation and go online

Going to them is WHAT THEY HAVE INDOCTRINATED YOU TO DO!

If he is a friend you want to see again, invite him to lunch AFTER you have sent in your resignation. Then, you will see if he was ever truly a friend because of the church or a friend because of both of your relationships.

Taking your power is awesome.....years ago I sent my membership in when it took the whole nine yards of doing this and that. Each step, getting the signature of the notary, registering the letter that I typed, etc. was a step to more and more power, and with each step, I know I grew two inches taller.

Wishing you the best.....and keep us posted.

Guys, thanks a lot for all the support you showed me. I live in a small town in Italy where mormonism is almost unknown, so it is very unlikely to find people that can understand what I have been through. You made me feel so supported, thanks a lot. I read all of your posts, I don't really know what I am going to do now. I sent the email to the church and to my stake president. I just need to understand what to do with my branch president now.
By reading your posts, I understood that he was never my friend. That's a hard thing to accept for me. He was my rock. But I guess this shall pass, too.
I don't know what I am going to do now, I feel confused. But of course I will keep you updated. Thank you again everyone.

If you've already sent the email to the church (HQ and Stake Pres), you're done. There's nothing more to do, you are officially out. There is nothing more you need to do with the Branch President.

From here out the church makes busy work for it's members, but that's for them to deal with. Your Branch President at this point will get a letter/communication from Membership Records informing him that they got your email. He has several options at this point, he can fill out the paperwork and complete your request, he can pointlessly bother you to ask you why your leaving and/or try to setup an "exit interview" to guilt you into rescinding your resignation, or he can do nothing, after which the Membership Records will file your paperwork after 30 days regardless.

You don't have to participate in any of the above. You are done, the moment you clicked send on your email, you were done. You are, by US legal terms, and Church policy (thanks to those US legal terms) officially no longer a member. Keep that in mind, If the Branch Pres wants to meet with you, it's not to "stay" in the church, it's to rescind your resignation within their grace period. If he wants to meet, you can say, "Thanks, but I'm good, there's no need to meet" You can even throw in, "If you want to meet for personal reasons that have nothing to do with the church, i.e. as friends, I'm happy to, but I've resigned from the church and have no wish to discus it further. Thanks"

Edited to add: Note that once Membership gets the final paperwork from the Branch Pres or the 30 days are up, Membership will then do two things, they will send a "Please come back" pamphlet, later they will send an "official" "You're Out" letter. In both cases there is nothing for you to do, do not respond, there's no need. You are out and this is more busy work for them.

Congratulations on your new freedom!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2018 05:54PM by Finally Free!.

In gamba, abrandnewme, andrà tutto bene! Non ti fare manipolare dal presidente di ramo, non devi giustificare la tua decisione di lasciare la chiesa. Gli amici veri rimangono al di là della religione /chiesa di appartenenza, altrimenti non sono amici. Dispiace, fa male, ma passerà. La cosa più importante è che tu abbia trovato la via d'uscita.

Grazie mille. E`vero, fa male, e`un processo difficile e sofferente. Ma e`fattibile :)

As I understand it, you've already resigned via email and are meeting with the BP merely as a courtesy. The resignation is a done deal, a fait accompli. You are *already out and free*, and I recommend you approach it this way.

Since you're nervous and Hubs is calm, let him take the lead. It sounds like he's got this. The BP is not likely to attempt to bully him outright, but he may throw down the fear-guilt-shame card, thinking it's an ace when it's really nothing more than a lousy two.

Agree with others, BP was never a real friend, just a mormon friend, meaning he was friendly as long as you remained mormon. Now you'll have a chance to see his real face, and I think he won't be as much of a "good guy" as you've led yourself to believe.

Always remember that BP has no power or authority over you. None. Zero. It's all make-believe. It's a cult.

I found out the truth of the cult over 15 years ago and I never went back and never looked back. Please don't put yourself through this. It is just not necessary and you could regret it.
You don't owe anyone anything. What do you think that they will owe you? Respect? Being cordial? Being polite? None of that will happen.
Wishing you the best as you navigate a beautiful life outside of the cult. It's so much better on this side.....
Big Hugs from this MexMom

If you decide to act in person, take the CES letter with you and when you get any push back, have a few of the questions marked and ask the questions.

Don't accept any delay to get answers, i.e., "We need to talk about this in private." No, I need an answer now.

"Pray and read your scriptures." No, I've already prayed and read the scriptures, that is why I'm here resigning.

https://cesletter.org/CES-Letter.pdf

Why put yourself through this ???
If you are not good at face-to-face confrontations this is NOT a good idea.

Just mail in the damn resignation and be done with it.
No sense ruining your weekend over it.

You do not owe Mormonism anything, even the "nice" members can turn on you very quickly.
Just walk away.

abrandnewme, just hand them the resignation letter and end with a few genuinely happy experiences you've had and will miss with being part of LD$ Inc. and leave it there. Just leave.

Agreed. Why do you have to convey the message “this is tearing me apart?” How about “it’s been great but this is no longer serving me, time to go” message and be done with it?

The church and the BP don't own you, and have no power over you (although they think they do). You are not confessing to a crime. Just do it and look powerful while you're doing it....because you are. More than your BP.

My view is to keep it simple. Detach emotionally.

Take your power back and own it. Refuse to give anyone the power to stir up your emotions.

Mailing your resignation is all that is needed.

They never get all their keys back. They often have to change the locks. No biggie.

Congratulations on making your exit official.
I am impressed that you have chosen to be honorable in how you resign. Please let us know how is goes.
My younger brother leaving first really influenced me greatly. Your example could help others to leave too (including the branch president).

Good morning everyone (Here in Italy is morning, good whatever it is where you are xD).
I am here and I made it. Yay!
I decided in the end to bring him the letter. And face him face to face.
I made myself beautiful, wore the best dress I had, and went to church.
There were like 3 people there (my branch is really small).
I greeted everyone, and after that the president told me to go to his office. I said ok, even if I was shaking I tried not to make this visible.
He asked me if he could read the letter, I said sure.
I actually didn`t write the letter myself, I took it from an italian "antimormon" website. He told me that some things in the letter were not correct. That I shouldn`t have emailed it, that he should have taken care of it. I said I did all, because I didn`t want to let anything to possibly go wrong xD Ahahah!

He asked me if he could interview me, if there was even a chance that I could change my mind. I said "Totally not. I know what I am doing".
I must have been really convincing, because he looked at me and said "ok, I cannot stay here with a gun. It is up to you".

Then I told him I was going to move to another town, me, alone, without my husband, because I had an audition at the International Musical Academy here in Italy, and I have been chosen.
I told him, I am living the life I always wanted. I am going to study and live my dream. My life, as I choose it.
No motherhood at 20s, no "man at work and woman at home",none of these things.
He seemed happy but a little bit shocked. He just said, congratulations and good luck.

Then I said I would have liked to say hi to the others in the other room, but there was sunday school class so I couldn`t.
Ok, I said, I`ll pass another time.
And hell yeah I am going there, to let everybody see how DAMN HAPPY I AM!

Thank you everyone, thanks a lot for staying with me in these days. Now it`s over :)

Excellent news! I'm glad that things went well for you. Your former bishop responded as expected -- the normal response is to try to get you to change your mind. I'm glad that you held firm.

Interesting that there is an Italian exmo site.

Congratulations on your acceptance to the music academy! Enjoy your studies, and do keep in touch.

I am so glad to hear your good news. You conducted yourself with conviction and dignity!

Bravissima! congratulations!


A branch with three attending members??? Can you say if not exactly, at least approximately, in which Region you live?

I live in Calabria. There are many baptisms but people are inactive.

I am German and it took me over 3 years to resign. The stake president did not forward my letter of resignation. Here is a faster way.
quit mormon

I am German and it took me over 3 years to resign. The stake president did not forward my letter of resignation. Here is a faster way.

Turning it in to them means they may never officially recognize the resignation or it could take months or years to do so.

Always state in the letter that other copies are going to higher ups and to church headquarters.

Congrats!

This is why I never bothered to resign.
So much worrying over nothing. I’ve never heard of anyone getting physically assaulted when going inactive.

Everything else is in your head. If you think you are out, you are out. If you don’t want contact, share negative info and they’ll avoid you.

But I don’t mind visits. They leave with the their head spinning.

Recovery means you’re not afraid of them. And I was once as they are. Maybe in a few months they’ll be leaving.

I've read stories of homes being egged, car tires being slashed, and car doors keyed. Also, of people coming home in the night or leaving for a night shift who lean on the horn when they pass a person's home.

Once, more than 20 people showed up and did a sit in at a family's house.

It's a good idea to document that a person is not a member and they don't want contact so they can get police intervention if necessary.

Of course you might live in a ward that would never pull these stunts, but others don't live where you do.

I was never as they are. Starting as a child I wanted out.

Had I been how many mormons are, I wouldn't be proud of it.

You claim people are "afraid." Perhaps some are simply disgusted and want to have privacy and freedom in their homes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/02/2018 05:17PM by Cheryl.