Posted by:
Nightingale
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)
Date: July 09, 2018 01:53PM
Lot's Wife: "...water lilies: plants that arise from mud and filth to bloom in stunning beauty and purity."
Wow, LW, that brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful.
Elder Berry: Your words on this topic are eloquent, your willingness to discuss it undoubtedly so helpful to many.
If we haven't gone through a certain experience ourselves it can be difficult to imagine it or understand its aftermath, even for trained professionals who have the book learning but not the firsthand knowledge (thankfully for them). As many have said, it's so helpful to others who have suffered abuse to know they are decidedly not alone, and to those who haven't so they can perhaps gain a bit of insight into it. Even if we can't help much at least we could perhaps empathize or at a minimum avoid putting our mouths in gear and our feet in the nasty stuff. (As in saying the dreaded words: "Just get over it"). I think it's very hard for some people to envision a situation if they haven't gone through it themselves (not that that entirely excuses them if they are ignorant about it).
On a different note, a general comment: It's unfortunate, imho, that many tend to default to indicating that somehow those who have "recovered" (whatever that looks like to an outsider) are smarter or better than those who continue to be visibly affected by negative experiences. (Can anybody know of another's internal struggles? Obviously not, as someone can seem to be "OK" but inside they're in agony and onlookers don't know it). Some have said the image of "fighting" is itself negative and maybe it would be more therapeutic to create a different image about the whole experience of going through treatment for cancer. I think there's a lot to that viewpoint.
It reminds me of an issue that has lately come to the forefront for me. Some people who have or have had cancer and/or relatives are speaking out about terminology that is often used in news reports, stories, commercials. Journalists, medical staff, charity personnel, as well as many patients and relatives speak of "fighting" cancer and especially in obits of "losing" their battle. Some are saying it seems to them as focusing on a negative. It can feel like criticism, as if the ill person had a choice and wasn't strong enough or didn't have the right spirit, when physiology itself plays a major role in outcomes (type and location of cancer, as well as other physical realities and also genetics/family history and even other unknown factors, all outside a person's direct control).
With people who experience abuse, in any form, likewise the words outsiders use,the conclusions we draw, our attitudes and expectations can help or hurt. Trying to understand is one way of indicating that we do care. Listening is a good start.
Thank you to all who put themselves out there in any way to advance understanding and to help others who struggle.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/09/2018 01:58PM by Nightingale.