I make more money than my husband. I am younger and am better at both earning and saving money, so my earning potential is higher. I take this seriously and am not going to allow my husband and I to become financially destitute chasing someone else's goals or lifestyle. I earn the bacon then I cook it as well.

My husband is a TBM, that would never say no to a calling, no matter how much it inconveniences him. He has passed up more money at work because it would have gotten in the way of his callings. The amount of money he earns is just okay and he is starting to get up there in age, so I'd never push him in his career as I see it as waning anyway.

The way I see it, the church isn't beating down my doors to pay my bills or make sure, we aren't poverty-stricken in retirement.

Yet, when I show up at church. Everyone is under the impression that I am stuck in my job. That I can't wait to quit and that if I didn't have these pesky jobs in the way, I'd be molly-morming it up like there is no tomorrow. I think it is part cultural expectation and part husband trying to save face.

Having your wife work... or even worse. Having your wife work on Sunday equals failure. You aren't providing as a man and you aren't living the full gospel.

No matter how successful I am in my career, that is how they are going to see it.

Once when I applied for a job, I asked the bishop if he would give me a reference.
The first thing he asked me was what did my husband think about it.
I told him that if I got the job it would be me who was doing it and not my husband.

Emperor-Librarian Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Yet, when I show up at church.

Ah, there's the problem!

I thought maybe I should take his advice. Well, I do medical transcription. It is just a fact of life for my job. We do some work that has to be typed up/edited within 2 hours of being dictated.

Earning more on weekends adds to how attractive it is for me. I've been working Sundays since my twins were 8 months old. They will be 33 soon. Oh well.

I don't know what I would have done when my ex left me if I didn't have this job. It allowed me to work at home while I was taking care of my kids. I drove them to school every day and picked them up. They'd watch TV in the same room while I was working, so they spent a lot of time with me.

And P.S., it is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/01/2018 04:28AM by cl2.

I could have made lots more every month, I was young and strong, and my bosses asked me several times till they learned I always replied "I have church on Sundays".

Youth and stupidity. :(

Back in the sixties my mother desperately wanted a job, a career. But it just wasn't done, especially as the bishop's wife. She went to college instead when us six kids got to be in our teens. Made her feel better about herself--which I think was her true goal--without having to "shame" herself and the family with a job.

So funny to read your post proving once and for all, Tigers don't change their stripes, a leopard can't change it's spots, and Mormons are still as misogynistic as they ever were by and large.

Your attitude tickles me and I always love to read about people who are into accomplishment. Men and women.

Things like that are ways my TBM ex-husband tried to control me, since as college students, most jobs that were available at the time required being available on weekends. Not only did he not like the idea of me working, using Sundays as an excuse, he also didn't like working at all as he wanted to leech off of others, including the church's welfare system if he could get away with it.

Once, when he was chewed out by the bishop for being a parasite, the bishop ignored me when I mentioned I was looking for work myself, as I had the wrong genitalia to be working it seems. It was after that meeting that he quit wearing the colored dress shirts, and eventually cut his hair and shaved the goatee I liked.

Ironically, now I have a Monday through Friday job, but even then, I do what I damn well please on Sundays. On the occasions I do go to a church, it's over in an hour, so I have the rest of the day to do what I want before the workweek starts, including shopping. I also get to keep 100% of my paycheck after taxes to do with whatever I wish.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/01/2018 01:04PM by doyle18.

There might be family reasons to attend the mormon church, but avoid it if possible.

Hah--the Mormon cult wants it's cut. Tell them your money is "tainted", and they shouldn't accept your tithing.

Cheryl--how simple, and brilliant! "I try to stay away from places where I'm treated badly." It took me years to learn that lesson. I kept going back, again and again, until I understood that it was insanity to do the same thing and expect a different outcome.

My friend had gone to the bishop to get her temple recommend renewed. During the interview he told her that she needed to stop working outside of the home. She reminded him that her husband had recently been in a debilitating accident that left him paraplegic (like I am sure he didn't remember) and she was the family's single source of income. He told her he would sign her recommend if she promised to quit working when her husband had been rehabilitated, and she responded that it would be crazy to do that because there was no guarantee how things would work out. He reminded her that she needed to listen to him because at some point he would be her "judge in Israel". Her perfect response:

Well, I hope you are a helluva lot smarter then than you are now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/01/2018 01:33PM by Laban's Head.

It's terrifying that some women would take his terrible advice.

The church is definitely not pounding down your doors to help you pay your bills and that is a fact. Pounding on your doors to take 10% of your money though.

My TBM sister makes more than her husband, and was recently made ward relief society president. I suspect that they are trying to over-work her. If I know her, she will do a good job at both (at the expense of her health). My TBM mother started working full-time when my youngest sibling entered school.
I wish my nevermo wife would work, after all she has been in school for 8 years now.

A friend of mine is a CPA and her husband is a stay at home dad for their children. He has an education and had a job too at some point but she out earns him and daycare costs are high.They have resigned together a couple of years ago from the lds church. While they were still active many members came up to her and said how hard it must be to be the only income and she said that she was very proud to have a husband who supports her career so much that he would even stay home for her and their children.