Date: September 01, 2018 12:54PM
Yesterday was the first anniversary of retirement. Leaving my comfy position as government intelligence analyst, it was one of the scariest moments in my life. One year ago today, my wife and I drove off from Augusta, GA, in an overloaded pickup to Idaho, beginning a 6-month search for a home in the West. It was exhausting and expensive, but led us to our home in southwestern Washington along the Columbia River. It's a beautiful area, and the Pacific NW, particularly in Columbia country, is the most beautiful part of the region. Good news is, it worked out great, and scariness is over, but I am up to my neck in renovating an old house. Anyway, last year I parted Augusta with this poem I put on Facebook (it's all about me! Me, me, me!) that I ripped off of an old, strange hymn that used to be in the LDS hymnbook up to 1985, about the death of Karl G. Maeser, founder of BYU. My apologies to Karl G. Maeser, and especially to Annie Pike Greenwood, but it was a dorky hymn and needed a parody, anyway:
"The Analyst's Work is Done"
Come lay his badge and lanyard by,
He shall not need them more.
I.T. is going to Windows 10,
So he's bolted for the door.
His tired head, with locks still brown
(much like a septic pond),
Hath lain to peaceful rest tonight.
The analyst's work is done.
His work is done! No care tonight his tranquil rest shall break.
Some Ambien... Then with the morning light his pickup truck he'll take.
His meandering thoughts, his weird appeal, his works that few have read,
Trump won't know the loss we feel, since all our works get shred.
We feel it, as we miss the hand that repair'd abysmal grammar,
"Uh... I guess I could get a job at, like,... Costco," he'll very likely stammer.
Per chance when pension its change hath wrought, and this brief race is run,
Some will think, "Finally! Geez, who knew he'd get it done?"
Inna name of Jeebus Chrise, Amen.
(PS: The Costco idea is right out. Don't need it.)