Salt Lake City--The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints continues its series of reforms. This week's target: brightly-colored clothes.

In an announcement that upset many adherents to the Latter-day Saint faith, Church spokesman L.L.S.B. Willard Hayes McLellan, Jr., relayed the bad news. "President Nelson has impressed upon my mind the importance of wearing dull colors. Whenever a Latter-day Saint purchases or wears bright-colored clothing, Satan laughs with glee. Consequently, the Church discourages the wearing of bright colors and white clothes, in accordance with the will of God."

"I don't see what the big deal is," said one member, who wished to remain anonymous. "Oh, and don't use my name--I don't want to be summoned to a Council of Love when this all comes to a head and they start ex-ing people." The church regularly uses excommunication as a form of punishment for those members who flaunt church policy.

"This is what we've always believed," Elder Rodney Q.R. Bean III told the AP. "It's all right there in Joseph Smith's original writings."

When pressed by a bystander, Elder Bean fought back. "That's disgraceful, to insinuate that the leadership are revising history and putting words in Heavenly Father's mouth in order to push through their pet policies. I won't countenance that with a response."

According to the new policy, members should purchase and wear clothing only in "muted brown, gray, black, and other 'earth' tones" and "burn any clothing in [their] possession of other colors, especially white, so to avoid the wrath of the Lord." Some members have pointed out that this runs counter to historic Mormon practice, which has emphasized the wearing of white shirts by men and white clothing by both men and women in their temple ceremonies. When asked for comment, a church spokesman said, "I don't know that we ever taught that."

This new policy comes in the wake of the church's discontinuance of its long-running pageants, which are now officially "discouraged" by the church. In recent weeks, church leaders have also disavowed the word "Mormon," commonly used to refer to the church and its members, as the "work of Satan" and shortened their Sunday meetings from three to two hours "because God said we can save a boatload on our electric bi--I mean, have more time to focus on our families."

Ha ha ha!

Another haha. Talk about hitting a bull's eye.

...I knew it would come to this.

Satire

What about Donny's Technicolor Dreamcoat? HAHA

Is this whole color thing really true? Pretty soon the women will have to dress in Prairie dresses again... And what about all the makeup and hair color they use as well, or in a lot of cases (bleached out blondes). Mormonism is getting crazier than it ever has been.

Nope, this is satirical! Sorry, I thought the last part would give it away.

In the 50's and 60's my mom and all the other well to do wives in our ward dressed to impress. Lots of bright colors...and hats...my mom was all about the hats...and dresses/skirts were at the knee and there was a bit of cleavage showing too. I guess things have changed.

church of Pleasantville

Boob jobs are still OK.

I love bright colours, they look good on me. Pastels wash me out.
My favourite colours, at the moment are bright coral and blue turquoise ( not green)
This is going too far.

Awesome! Loved it. Clever.

HH =)

Next:

Allowable colors for cars, trucks, boats...

just sayin'

I thought the OP was serious. There was a talk given by a HC member at a ward I was in several years ago and stated bright colors did not have a place in the church. Women needed to dress in subdued colors when attending church because they will draw attention away from the Spirit. I sat there in my tailored red dress. The women just looked at each other and snickered. Everyone complained about him the next week.

Jesus Christ, that's awful. I wrote this completely in jest after reading about the axing of the pageants, but it's not all that surprising that some stupid ass priesthood holder has said something similar already. Next up: anything remotely exciting or individualistic.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/29/2018 06:47PM by Anziano Young.

It would have been interesting to see a bishop tell my mom and others (including his own wife) to tone down the colors back in the day.

Of course, bright colors are part of the "gay agenda." Just look at all those rainbow flags!

Men have long been encouraged to wear plain shirts and ties which are not bright, usually only plain or striped.

Needless to say, I did not comply. The sisters liked my ties.

It would not be too surprising.

Hinckley was bitching about the women wearing too large or double earrings some years ago.
Of course the lemmings complied,at least for a while.

Now wearing big jewelry is back in.

The morg is always looking for a cause, preferably one that crushes what little enjoyment members have.

From the ridiculous to the sublime to the riduculous

The FLDS beat you to it. No red was allowed in Short Creek be it clothing or vehicles. One of the things that have changed over the past couple of years as some have broken away. One of the signs of their rebellion is to wear red and/or buy red vehicles. Still, the devout ones persist in wearing dull colored clothing (prairie dresses) as can be seen at the local Southern Utah stores. i.e. Costco, Walmart, etc..

When I worked for LDS inc, I got reprimanded several times for wearing dresses/clothes/socks that were too bright. It's only been in the last like 2 years that women were allowed to wear slacks to work.

the Utah-backed Trumpster ALWAYS wears bright red ties...


What's up with that???

No taste?