I haven't been on the board in YEARS.

I left Mormonism in 2003 or so, had my name removed. I have a friend from high school who left mormonism and then reactivated in the last 3 years or so. The LDS were horrible to her when she returned. Disfellowshipped her and made her think that all her complications in life were only because she went inactive in the first place. I listened when she was returning and held my tongue most times when she would tell me about how awful they were.

I'd try to impart actual Christian theology about repentance and the grace of J.C. and how that was totally lacking in their disfellowship of her. She has a brother who left TSCC and she was less than understanding about that. I let her know that she needed to ease up on him. She was called to the Relief Society presidency and I KNEW what they were doing. They were tying the ropes tighter to get her more involved. The RS president is a hag and very TBM and not a good person and anger again weld up inside me when she would tell me how she was being treated by the RS press and her ward in general. I'd tell her that her "calling" in her ward would be a paid position in many other churches and tried to remind her that she was a volunteer and could tell them "no" if she needed to.

She texted me last night with a "we need to talk." She had Googled for ways to help fulfill her calling and balance it with working full time and being a single mother...... THAT led her down the rabbit hole to video after video and website after website and after one no sleep night, her testimony of TSCC has dissolved. She asked at one point in the 2 hour conversation, "Did you know about this all these years??!" Ouch people! Made me feel like I should have been more clear in my conversations with her about the BS TSCC is.

Anyway I feel like I'm in a funk today. Some of the anger and sadness has crept back in. She is the 3rd friend I've had a conversation like that with.

You can't get through to someone who is not ready to hear what you have to say. That's what I would tell her -- "Yes, I did know, but I didn't feel that you were in a place where you wanted to hear it."

I can't imagine how a single mom who is working full time would have much time available for extensive volunteer work.

You should not feel guilt. It is easier said than done since it is obvious you are a compassionate and caring individual. It is the Mormon corporation that lies. It is that group that should feel guilt. You are a friend who is able to discuss the issues. That may not of been possible before and could of cost a friendship. By waiting until she was ready, you can now help her. If you had lost that friendship, she may well of continued in Mormonism for many more years.

Yes, THIS! ^^^

People will hear what they are open to learning.

People will be deaf to, or resist angrily, any ideas that threaten their strongly-held beliefs.

As Erik points out, by your patience and non-judgment with your friend in her TBM days, you have earned her trust. And by waiting until she came to *you* to learn more about your exmo views, you will find her receptive now to the truth about Mormonism, in a way she was not able to be before. Good job, bingoe4!

Many of us had to leave TSCC with NO ONE (and no RfM, or none that we knew of at the time) to talk to and help us through the initial terrible, painful stages of leaving a cult. In contrast, how fortunate this friend is to have *you* to be her friend and help her with her exit!

Nice going! Update us if/when appropriate.

Thank you.

It's a common sentiment on this board that the only two choices are LDS or atheism, which is a false dichotomy. Tell her that in giving up LDS, she does not have to abandon her faith in God. For that matter, she may find a stronger, more personal faith in a Bible-preaching church, as she won't have the LDS corporate structure and the BOM (plus a lot of negative doctrine) interfering.

So, invite her to your church, if she lives in your area, or help her find a Christian church in her area that will just let her attend without expectations or obligations. Point out that acceptance at LDS is contingent upon obedience and conformity, as she unwittingly practiced with her brother.

Buy her a good non-KJV study Bible, to help wean her off LDS teachings. I highly recommend the ESV Study Bible--excellent footnotes, appendixes, charts, maps, and illustrations.

Thank you. Good advice.

I echo caffeind. I am someone who helps people when they leave the church to make a transition to biblical Christianity if they don’t want to give up on God and Jesus. Perhaps the easiest thing you may want to do now is get her a KJV Bible with Christ’s words in red and then move to another version. But the words in red are powerful. Even my orthodox Mormon friends love those because that isn’t offered in the quads. The ease of being able to flip right to the words in red is likely to give her much needed comfort right now plus when she reads the words of Jesus only, it will help her to see she doesn’t need a corporation or any church to have a relationship with God. While Jesus preached “turn the other check” etc. He also didn’t put up with crap or condoned abuse in any manner. A huge shelf breaking item is when Jesus flipped the tables in the temple for exchanging money in His father’s house which is exactly what happens in Mormon temples everyday.
If you impart Christian theology, you may consider this moment as being when God is using you most. While it feels extremely awkward to have had that conversation with her, rest in knowing that you can help her through her pain by simply listening and offer unconditional love and support but likely she already knows that.
Lastly, don’t be surprised if your friend explores agnosticism or even identifies as atheist at some point on this life changing journey she is embarking on. Most of the folks I have met indeed feel most comfortable there in the end after exploring Christianity. No matter what, love them, support them, and validate them. At the risk of sounding trite, it truly is what Jesus would do ;)

Summer gave really good advice as did everyone else. I have nothing to add except that remaining neutral and not pushing information that isn't welcome on your friend is important. Trying to persuade someone against their will usually backfires. She/he needs to want to discover it them-self with enough breathing room and time to process it all.