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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 01:50AM

Rumor has it, according to my perennially unreliable sources, that when President Nelson was born, he was given the middle name "Mormon." "Russell Mormon Nelson" was his original birth name.

He was reportedly teased about it as a young child and begged his parents to change the name. As a joke, his parents changed the middle name to "Marion".

"Gee, thanks a lot! Marion is a much better name FOR A BOY!" he reportedly shouted at his parents in a heated exchange that was overheard by neighbors. As he slammed the door and stormed out of the family's home, Russell Mormon Nelson noticed that the sound of the door slamming had caused "Shiz" (the family's pet chihuahua) to go into cardiac arrest. Young Russell acted quickly and somehow managed to revive the dog by massaging the dog's chest. This experience helped set Young Nelson on the path to his future career in medicine and gave him the perspective needed to be at peace with his new middle name "Marion".

Well, long story short, according to the rumor, his parents were successful in getting his original middle name ("Mormon") expunged from all the records and replaced with the name "Marion."

I asked my enduringly unreliable sources if they had any proof that this rumor was true. Their response: "Have you seen how much the guy hates the name 'Mormon'? Where do you think that comes from?"

I had no good answer.

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 02:31AM

Wally, I think you are onto something!
:D

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Posted by: scmd1 ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 03:30AM

This is choice.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 04:52AM

good one !!!! .....!!!!!!!

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Posted by: cricket ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 08:24AM

"Faith in the New Name" section?

Since Rusty's trip to Africa and demanding that the poor pay their tithing his new name is Russell Money Nelson.

This is pretty scary Wally Prince, but I love how your imagination nearly rivals that of even, Joseph Smith, Jr.

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Posted by: Honest TB[long] ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 12:46PM

One of the most important reasons why we all keep going to Church is because we have a super strong testimony that it is super righteous of us to get the super poor people of Africa assimilated into thinking that they need to send money to SLC so poor Heavenly Father can have some more money for the holy Brethren to manage. It just brings tears of correlated joy to my eyes how Heavenly Father just doesn't have enough and he needs so much more. I certainly am glad that your joke about the Holy Nelson was "Money" instead of that "M" word which I will not repeat because the Holy Nelson says its a victory for Satan. And thanks to the beloved Correlation program grooming me (since I was a toddler with a strong testimony of the Nursery Cheerios) into the sensible-thinking non-brainwashed non-delusional person that I am so obviously today I'm not going to give that evil Satan demon any victories unknowingly.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 01:18PM

It's the tears that are correlated, the 'joy' (what little there is) isn't correlated.

more on this later if U insist, GNPE

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 01:06PM

Money, it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands
And make a stash

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 12:49PM

Temple name Mahonri?

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 01:29PM

I think (some of) your unreliable sources need to meet with a panel of RfM regulars; informal but truthful & to the point.

OK?

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 01:54PM

We're talking about the same kid that thought he was better than everyone else. I think he's sticking to the story that he was too good to play football. "Coach. Don't play me. I have intricate hands that are needed for surgery."

And I think the reality was something like this. "Please coach. Just one play. Let me be quarterback today" begged Rusty.

"Go sit on the bench. When I need a runt, I'll call for you."

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Posted by: mel ( )
Date: February 13, 2019 12:13PM

Wally,

Love your stories. Thanks!

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: February 13, 2019 02:29PM

This story takes the gold...now its up to you to get the MormoCult to give it to you.

It is believable and fun. And, I'll tell you what, Mormon church is neither. :) When I started to pay attention to some of the weird "beliefs" of this church I was attending with friends, the life after death promise I'd fallen for and so wanted to be true, shook me to the core.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2019 03:56PM by presleynfactsrock.

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: February 14, 2019 06:42PM

Wally Prince Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I asked my enduringly unreliable sources if they
> had any proof that this rumor was true. Their
> response: "Have you seen how much the guy hates
> the name 'Mormon'? Where do you think that comes
> from?"
>
> I had no good answer.

The obvious answer is "aliens."

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