Posted by:
Wally Prince
(
)
Date: February 14, 2019 10:20PM
According to some poorly placed sources, Nelson is not finished with his crusade against improper and incorrect nomenclature currently used in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, resulting in some murmurings of dissension in the higher ranks.
Not content to browbeat the world into abandoning the "Mormon" nickname in favor of much longer, awkward terms of reference regarding COJCOLDS members and things related to the COJCOLDS, Nelson reportedly has recently stated that, pursuant to a careful and prayerful perusal of the scriptures, that "the Lord has impressed upon my mind that the correct term of reference
for the lesser order of priesthood currently referred to as the 'Aaronic Priesthood' should not bear only the name of Aaron for, in all things, Moses and Aaron worked together in implementing the will of the Lord after the manner of this priesthood to which they both were ordained and, therefore, this priesthood should bear the names of both of these servants of the Lord, with Moses' name being first as he was first in this priesthood."
At the meeting where Nelson revealed this new revelation, President Eyring reportedly asked: "So you are saying that it is to be called the 'Moses and Aaron Priesthood'?"
To this, Nelson is reported to have replied that the Lord had impressed upon his mind that the correct name for the priesthood was a harmonious blending of the names of Moses and Aaron. In other words, the correct name to be used henceforth for all references to this priesthood would be the 'Moronic Priesthood' and males who hold this priesthood are to be referred to as holders of the Moronic Priesthood.
Shortly before adjourning the meeting, Nelson reportedly looked around the room to see if anyone had any objections and queried: "Why are you all looking at each other like that? I don't get it. Elder Uchtdorf, why are you laughing? Is there something funny about honoring both Moses and Aaron, as the Lord has directed me to do? Wendy didn't think it was funny."
Preparation and handling of the sacrament, as well as collecting of fast offerings will continue to be the responsibility of Moronic Priesthood holders. Only the name has changed to reflect the Lord's wishes. According to my notoriously unreliable sources, Nelson will also announce the setting aside of one Sunday each year as "Moronic Priesthood Day" to honor the Lord's desire to see the Saints giving greater recognition to the gifts and powers that the Lord has bestowed upon them through the Moronic Priesthood.
Meanwhile, Uchtdorf has reportedly been admitted to a hospital for testing because, according to my lowly placed sources: "He has not been able to stop laughing and smacking his forehead since the above-mentioned meeting was held and nobody knows why."