Hello there, my name is Danny, i'm 18 and live in springville (just south of Provo) i'm only a few months away from being called on a mission, but i don't want to go.

a while ago, i discovered my bi-sexuality and have been hiding it from my crazy mormon parents ever since, it's easy enough to play along with most church things, but it about time i tell them the truth, except i'm absolutely scared to death. i cannot agree with their positions, but they're still my family, and i'm not sure i can handle my moms disappointment or my dads potential yelling. as painful as all that will be, i'm NOT giving 2 years of my life for it. i have a friend i can stay with until i can find a job and live on my own, but i'm in a state of constant worry about how i tell them in the first place. any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

I have family in Springville, I've been there a bunch of times. Welcome to the board.

They didn't handle well my loss of faith or my open support of my Lesbian family member.

I have found that being honest, despite the pain of family judging me for it has been the best course of action for me.

As it says in the Book of Mormon, "This above all- to thine own self be true" - ;o)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/27/2019 02:02PM by Darren Steers.

thanks for your response! i hope your family member is doing good, youre a good person for sticking by her side. being honest will be painful, but youre right, its the best course of action. also what part of springville? :D

Sorry, didn't see this.

600N 600E area of Springville.

I see you've told your parents that you don't want to go on a mission. What your mother said to you is absolutely horrible.

I don't see a need to discuss bi-sexuality with them, at least not now. That's your business.

They do need to know about your mission decision, the sooner the better.

I don’t think they will believe you. They’ll think you’re going through a phase.

Since I’m a chickenshit, I’d just go on the mission and treat it as a two year vacation. The idea behind a mission is to convert you. The odds of converting someone else are slim these days. Learning to make the best out of a bad situation such as a mission sets you up to handle other bad situations. Lying to stay in your tribe is better than lying for the Lord, which is encouraged by your tribe.

On the other hand, don’t be afraid to disappoint people. If they actually are disappointed, that’s their problem for having unrealistic expectations. They should thank you for helping unravel them.

Cheryl's right, the bisexuality can be taken care of later. Or much later, depending on your life circumstances.

The mission is more immediate and pressing:

"I've been reading the scriptures, fasting and praying, but I haven't yet received spiritual confirmation that I should go on a mission at this time. Everyone's plan is different, and I believe God may have a special one for me. I'll continue to seek inspiration from The Lord™ and seek His guidance in my life."

[Ugh, that mormony stuff was hard to write.]

Repeating this may buy you enough time to plan your next move, whether it's college, relocation or whatever. Your parents are old enough to remember when mission age for males was 19, so this shouldn't be too much of a stretch for them to accept. Just act sincere. It's hard for mormons to argue against inspiration, belief, and testimony.

solid advice!knowing them, they might just buy it. ill be sure to try it out, ill update you if it works or not

You need to consider that you are 18 and an adult who needs to make his own decision. Sure, i get that your overbearing Mormon parents have a list of churchy expectations.

If i were in your shoes, I would deflect and seek more time. Seriously, i would propose a travel abroad for a few months to "find myself" Go, have fun, perhaps backpack through Europe. Have fun, enjoy live and seeing new places and cultures. Then come home and let them know that you decided a mission was not the right move for you.

Leave the sexuality part out of this. Not their business. You are a grown man.

Hello Danny,

I think you are right to avoid the mission, and I agree with the advice to leave your bi-sexuality out of any discussion.

Ultimately, what are your goals? It seems that you are pretty clear on not wanting to go on the mission, wanting to move out, to get a job. You would like to avoid unpleasant scenes with your folks. These are all good goals.

If you want to continue having a pleasant non-shouting relationship with your parents, and you don't mind the weekly church attendance, maybe you need a plan for phases.

Phase I-Tell them you aren't going on a mission. There is nothing worse than being trapped in a situation you don't want to be in, with no clear path out. Just having to be in the company of another person (companion) for 2 years would be enough to give me the heebie-jeebies.

You could tell them you're not ready, or just don't want to go, or the truth about your sexuality, or not give them a reason at all. Or follow de-cultified advice, above, give them some testimony/inspiration mumbo-jumbo that they can't argue with!

You're 18. You can't be forced to do something. And if you move out and get a job and don't depend on them for support or money, they can't threaten you too much.

Phase II: stop going, or lessen, your time given to the church. You could try to ease out, or just stop. Give a reason, or don't. You're an adult. Your choice.

Phase III. Your sexuality. I agree, is it any of their business? Is there any compelling reason to tell them, since it will just cause yelling and scenes and attempts to change you?

Phase IV. Live a happy and productive life, being true to yourself and your own wishes, including your family in some, if not all, of your life. Working a decent job, keeping in mind some sort of career path to a comfortable lifestyle.

I wish you good fortune, Danny, and hope that you can see your way clear, and that some advice here may help you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/27/2019 02:36PM by mel.

I also agree that this may not be the best time to bring up your bisexuality.

I don't think you have to go into a long explanation about where your testimony is etc. It might be best to just explain that you've decided to go to school or work for awhile first. No need to elaborate further at this time. Just keep repeating that this just feels like the right thing for you right now.

At some point, you may have to reveal more, but as you grow and mature you'll know when the time is right to offer more information...baby steps and on your own timeline.

want2bx Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I also agree that this may not be the best time to
> bring up your bisexuality.
>
> I don't think you have to go into a long
> explanation about where your testimony is etc. It
> might be best to just explain that you've decided
> to go to school or work for awhile first. No need
> to elaborate further at this time. Just keep
> repeating that this just feels like the right
> thing for you right now.
>
> At some point, you may have to reveal more, but as
> you grow and mature you'll know when the time is
> right to offer more information...baby steps and
> on your own timeline.

My suggestion is the same as this ^^^^
Tell them you're putting it off because you want to get established first and go to school/get some training (for your future and because you want to be responsible and mature!) The bisexual stuff is none of their business and can wait until you have a job and are on your own already. They just need to know that you aren't planning on going and that you won't be changing your mind.

wow you guys are fast!! truly thank you guys, just seeing people willing to help eases the anxiety a bit. i agree, ill save the sexuality discussion for much later, and the postponing/getting a job first might work if i bring up that they lowered the age, thanks for the ideas!! ill try what i can.

The issue here is declining a mission. You are not going. Different parents react in different ways. You can't be sure how yours will but you are wise to be ready for the worst. You already know it's two mostly wasted years of your life selling a product no one wants. That is not something you should do just because some one else wants you to.


Your parents gave you life because they wanted to have a child. You had not choice in the matter. You may be grateful and appreciative of anything they have done for you but you do not owe them. In particular you do not owe them any explanations of your sexuality. That is your business alone and family does not automatically have a right to it.
There is a right time to come out and I have a feeling this is not it. You don't want your sexuality to be intertwined with your lack of belief in their church. Keep them separate.

I came out gay and apostate at the same time decades ago. I can't begin to describe how traumatic it was as my Parents were as TBM as you get--Bishop/High Council/Stake Patriarch and RS pres. I had already been on a mission and graduated BYU by that time and had my feet firmly on exmo ground or I couldn't have handled it.

You are about to cut the apron strings. Good luck. I am so glad you have a great friend in case that is what you need. This is a great time to learn that there are times in your life when you stand your ground and take whatever punches come. It won't be the last. The trick is to stay calm, don't over explain, don't try to make it all right instantly. Your parents will need time to come to terms with your decision. All you can do is show restraint and class. They need to see in your eyes that you are secure in who you are.

Welcome to RFM, Punkfruit.

I was going to give you the same advice, but the other posters beat me to it: You don't have to tell your parents about your sexuality, unless you feel like you need to, for your own personal reasons.

Your main issue is that you are not going to go on a mission. Period.

Most of us here on RFM used to be Mormons, and most of us have had gay and bi-sexual people in our lives. We have all had to endure bishops' "worthiness interviews" in which we were interrogated about our sex life. Most of us agree that a person's sexuality is their own business, and certainly not any of the church's business. Being bi- will not get you out of going on a mission! Like one poster said, your parents and bishop (and everyone else in the Mormon gossip pool) will think you are going through some sort of "phase." They will preach abstinence to you. They will tell you that a mission (and marriage) will cure you! That's right! If anything, your parents will be even MORE determined to send you on a mission.

The main, most important issue here is that you have decided NOT to go on a mission. You don't owe anyone an explanation! A mission is a volunteer job. Volunteer. It's not mandatory. Mormons might only manipulate you, shame you, shun you, malign your character to others, threaten you, even abuse you--but they can not force you to go on a mission. You are an adult. You live in America, and you have rights!

That said, I have several Mormon neighbors, here in SLC, who dis-owned their children, because they would not go on a mission! This is one of many reasons we feel that Mormonism is an evil cult. One Mormon neighbor couple has a grandson who is a college basketball star, and the neighbors have never seen him play. They have never even met him! We know people who know the grandson, and he's a wonderful person. This is tragic. I'm glad you are prepared to go out on your own, if necessary. Most Mormon parents I know are reasonable people, and, like everyone else in society, are facing new ideas and new solutions every day. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

From what I know, it's better to not argue or debate the facts with Mormons. They have been coached in what canned answers to give you, and then they bear their testimony at you. They know what to say, but have never learned to listen. The poster Decultified wrote: "It's hard for mormons to argue against inspiration, belief, and testimony." Tell (don't ask permission, but calmly TELL) your parents that you are not going on a mission. You might want to give yourself a few years--otherwise, you will have to face being pestered every month, for years, until you cave in, or have to move away. The Mormons do not give up! Right before his mission, a boy in our ward got the stake president's daughter pregnant--but did that get him out of going on his mission? No, the Mormons made him wait for a few months. The girl had the baby, adopted it away through LDS Social Services, and the boy left on his mission, anyway.

My son's friend Seth told his parents, "I'm not going on a mission, because I don't believe the church is true." They argued with him for days, about how a mission would bring his testimony back, and strengthen his faith, and all the arguments you've heard before. He just stuck with his same answer. He didn't say, "I don't think I want to go." He didn't say, "I might go later." He didn't say, "I'm thinking about it, I'm praying about it." No. His decision was made. He was not going. He never attacked his parents or their church. He was always nice and polite about it. His parents put him through college, he married a non-Mormon, had a good career, and is raising his own children as non-denominal Christians. He and his parents are very close.

Love is the answer. (Another main reason people leave the Mormon cult, is that it does not support unconditional love, or the love of Christ.) Love your parents, as you tell them. Love your self, as you stand up for what you believe. Be patient with your parents, as it might take time for them to understand.

good point, ill postpone the sexuality discussion until further notice, but your last paragraph really got to me, i really hope my parents can help put me through college after this

Tell them that going on a mission is obviously not a requirement for becoming the head of the church! Nah, they won't appreciate it.

I project that you're going to have to come up with a good explanation for not going. I think the first assumption will that it's a "worthiness" issue. How have your bishop interviews been going?

Short term, lying has its advantages, but the sooner you can put lying aside as a tool for living, the better.

Have you considered joining one of the US armed forces? There are some very real rewards that go along with gaining freedom from the Utah cult by doing so.

Keep us posted, cuz many of us have nothing pressing on our calendars!

my interviews have been going "great", my bishop keeps telling my parents im doing awesome, and im not too sure joining the armed forces would save me from the "but a mission is a better experience" speech they'd undoubtedly give,..

ill check back here and update it every chance i get!

sounds like all you need to do is go stay with a friend, get a job, let time pass and don't go on the mission,just go on with your life and tell them as little as possible. you will be out of the house so there shouldn't be any problem.

Hate to bring this part up.

Do you have a joint bank account with your parents?

Maybe a savings account for your mission?

If so. I'd open a private checking account as soon as possible. Local credit unions have free checking. Do your resesrch.

You don't want to move out and find your parents drained your account.

i do have a joint bank account, and a separate private one would be incredibly helpful!! i didnt know i could have one, i just moved what money i had into PayPal, but that sounds like a much better solution! thank you! ill get to researching right away

Welcome to the board, Danny!

I agree with those who say to not discuss your sexuality with your parents at this time There is no need to do so. I would put it off indefinitely.

You will need to tell your parents that you are not going on a mission. You know your parents best, and you will want to think about how to phrase it -- it can be anything from, "I've decided not to go on a mission," to "I'm not going right now. I want to work/go to school first," or, "I've prayed about it and it's not the right time for me to go." Whatever you say, stick to your guns. You are 18, and it's your decision.

I agree with Done & Done that if you have a custodial banking account, it's time to withdraw all of the money and establish your own account. Do this before you have the mission discussion with your parents.

What you do need to figure out is your future. You will want to put the time and effort into figuring out how you will support yourself moving forward. Just having any old job is a road to poverty, and that gets old quickly. Figure out a career path that will pay you well, and make it happen. If you need help on that, reach out to us for advice. College, trade school, and the military are all good options.

If you live with roommates, you can have a lot of fun and save on expenses. Check Craigslist, college student union bulletin boards, and other sources for "roommates wanted." Look for situations where you will not be living with TBMs. We can advise you further on this as well.

You've got this!

wow thank you! I've been wanting to get a career in programming, and start by going to a technical college, but every time i tried to go to my dad for help, he always just said "we can discuss that when you get back" i would just need some pointers in the right direction. I've got a year of job experience already, but i'm not sure what i could get with that, where do you suggest i search?

Hopefully the computer professionals on the board will get back to you on that. I would think that a community college would be a good option as well. And the military might give you appropriate training and a good start.

What sort of job experience do you already have?

well more like "summers experience" i was up at maple dell scout camp. they had me working in all sorts of areas, but my 2 main roles were kitchen (washing dishes) and trading post (carrying heavy boxes from trucks to the store)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/28/2019 07:35PM by punkfruit.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/29/2019 01:16AM by punkfruit.

> I've been wanting to get
> a career in programming
>

Here's a shot at establishing an "in" with regard to programming:

My 40-something son who lives in Pleasant Grove is a way up the ladder computer engineer, who started as a programmer. Here's the cool thing...my grandson, his 20 year old, started as a programmer a couple of years ago and has worked his way up from getting paid with stock options at a 'start up' run by idiots, to another job and another and now he's making a living as a humble programmer at a major employer in Utah Valley, AND if you email me (look for a thread I started and click on my name on the main board to get it) I'll forward it to my grandson and you and he can talk about it.

When I ran this by my son, he said that my grandson gets a lot of people asking him for advice. And he went on to say that a career in programming isn't about 'brains', it's about having the appropriate personality 'disorder'. He says that if you're not on the spectrum, brains aren't going to help you in that career; it's the ability to apply the brain power.

He also said that the people who come out of a technical college feel like they have a handle on 'programming' because they've learned one or two of the various languages, but the truth is that there is still a huge chasm separating them from being real programmers.

So there ya go, I can get you an in, in Utah programming. Who knew that I, even elderolddog, would be useful? I certainly didn't!

I just saw this today... It is an online coding school that sounds interesting, called Lambda School. You might want to look in to it.

Welcome man. I commend you on your courage. I would say that the momentary pain you may feel now is definitely worth the greater happiness you feel as you live your true identity and not feel forced into something you are not.

I encourage you to seek support from friends and family who are on your side. Going to a therapist might help if you feel the church/family situation is causing you emotional pain.

I recently left of the church because I disagreed with its position about this issue, among a list of other reasons. Though I am straight, the issue became a reality for me when my best friend told me that he is gay and that he felt he could no longer live within the church and be happy.

I wish you success in this journey. Fill your life with good - friends, education, work, clubs, and developing talents are wonderful ways to help you transition into the "real" world.

thank you for the support! i hope your friend is doing good as well!

I give you strength, to tell your parents you don't want to go. Unfortunately for males, a mission is expected and not optional. I'll hope your parents don't throw you out. I hope they come to their senses and understand your side. If they love you and respect you and that you just want to get some schooling and get a job and make your own decisions. Making your own decisions bring so much happiness to your life.

I agree with the others, your sec life has nothing to do with them. It’s who you are and is private.Dont tell anyone who will talk to others , where it might get back indirectly to your parents. 18 is too young, so is 19.If you don’t have enough for college, I’d go for the Air Force. They have a lot of jobs that have civilian counterparts. The AF doesn’t deploy much overseas to war zones, unless you’re going to be a pilot or MP, or work with explosives, etc. They pay for your school when you get out, unless you like the job you were in the AF. The recruiters will have a list of jobs. If you like it and re-enlist, and stay in 20, you get a big pension, medical and other benefits for life
You’ll also get paid to live in Europe.The AF has the nicest, newest housing and assignments. No crap countries.

Meant sex life, not sec. also I come from a military family and my husband retired from the AF

UPDATE!!! i told my mom, she was picking me up from school when she asked if i had gone to seminary (cause im sure they called her after i skipped the past few times) when i told her i hadnt, she asked how i could go on a mission if im not even going to seminary, and im not sure if it was the strength i got out of all of you or what, but i just said "i dont want to go" ofcourse realizing what i said i was terrified, but my mom didnt say anything. infact, it was the most silent car ride home ever, and i could see her about to cry right as we got home, im currently in my room, and my dad is coming home soon, i think now might be the time, this is all happening sooner than expected, im going to tell him i want to go to college first. wish me luck

Good luck, Danny.

Just remember, the first (disappointed) reaction of your parents may not necessarily be the final reaction. Give them the time to digest it and get used to the thought.

Also, it is often the "job" of young people to disappoint their parents. It can happen in any number of ways, but basically you establish that you want to take a different path than the one they had in mind for you. It can involve anything from college, to career, to a choice of mate. In many cases, the parents adjust in time. In some cases, they never adjust. But it is nevertheless a vital task that you figure out what YOU want and how to go about it.

Let us know how it goes.

Good Luck. You can do this. It may be intense, but intensity usually doesn't last and finally gives way to clarity and sometimes even reason. I'm hoping they just really listen to you.

A lot of listening on both sides is good. Responses can wait awhile. Nothing wrong with that.

I really, really don’t think you should go on a mission unless you really, really want to go. Really.

That could be a decision you regret for many decades of your life.

i don't plan to!

Could you possibly tell them you need more time to think about it and you would like to get a year of college or trade tech in first?

You are going to need to plan for a career so you can support yourself anyway. Try to make some plans and check out what kinds of things you are interested in doing.

Of course your mom will feel like a failure if her kids don't follow the mission, temple marriage path. The church controls kids who feel bad about hurting their parents. It's a bad situation.

If there is any way you can work and take some classes that will help get you a better job, maybe you can tolerate being at home while you "decide" about the mission. Then you can be in a better position to ease out.


I would avoid talking about sexuality or anything that makes you "not worthy" with your mom. I might say I prayed about it and felt the answer was not to go. That always stumps them when they insist you pray to get the answer they want and you get the opposite. :-)

i told them. i said "i feel it best if i go to college first" and awaited the terrible response,.. but instead of the yelling i expected they guilt tripped me to hell and back, the moment i said those words my mom said to my dad to try not to cry. my dad asked if i was willing to throw it all away and disappoint everyone i know,.. and my mom told me i'm not smart enough to get into a college, and that they'd never accept me,.. i almost feel like crying myself. my dad then challenged me to kneel by my bed and ask god what i should do. keep in mind there's torturous moments of silence between all of this, and i don't know what to feel. i'm kind of relieved that they now now, but especially with my dads last comments, they don't seem to believe me all that much. i'm currently in my room feeling miserable, ill let you guys know what they say tomorrow morning.

Your mom said you are not smart enough for college? There are so many places to go near you that don't require a 4.0 - UVU, Provo College, tech schools, among others. Maybe head up to Utah State or down to Dixie?

I would say, just say that the answer to your prayer is that you need more time to make your decision. Don't say it is a definite "yes" or "no" to the parents.

Once you graduate, move out as fast as you can. Make sure to untie your bank accounts and other assets from your parents. Some student loan debt can be ok if it is going toward tuition and expenses, but don't just take out loans because you can.

Best of luck.

I like what bringemyoung said above.

Your parents reacted like mine. No hysterics but lots of guilt and the insinuation that I was deceived by Satan. It's a fun ride, punkfruit. Keep your seat belt fastened. In my book you handled it beautifully just by not caving.


I take major objection to a parent asking "if you are willing to throw it all away and disappoint everyone." Your life should never be about keeping eveyone else happy. You can't make people around you happy if you are faking it. Just not possible. Being true to yourself as you obviously have found out is key to, well, everything.

You are smart enough to go to college. What counts now is whether you want it bad enough, not what your mother thinks. I doubt she really thinks that. My parents said a lot of ridiculous things when I told them. Mormons really have nothing of substance for their side of the argument so all they got is to tell you to pray and pray until you get the answer "they" want. And the guilt.

Meanwhile we rely on fact and reason. If you stick around here there are many facts rolling down these hills and into your lap.

I did what I could to maintain a good relationship with my parents but I never backed down. Just walk the tightrope is all you can do maybe.

Take one moment out of being miserable and feel good that you are capable of doing a very hard thing. Which is also what it takes to go to college.

Ahh yes the guilt and shame plan. Lets guilt you into doing something you don't want to do, to please god and to please our extended family and to please the ward.

Its pathetic! The mormon guilt and shame plan is stunningly horrific. Its sad that parents do this shit to to their kids, rather than love them and accept them unconditionally.

Now you can see that the church is more important than you. Its more important than relationships. Its all about falling in line and doing this list of things, no matter what.

Pathetic!!! Run from this horrific church!

> my dad asked if i was willing to throw
> it all away and disappoint everyone i know,

No dad, this is the reason I would like to start college first. I need the confidence that can steer myself in the right direction first and without that, how can I even focus on a mission? I know if I disappoint myself in that regard then I truly will disappoint everyone else including you. I know that you of all people would understand that.

> my mom told me i'm not smart enough to get into a
> college, and that they'd never accept me,..

Gee mom, that doesn't sound very encouraging coming from you but I'm willing to give it a try even if you don't support me I'm sure there are others that will work with me on the correct approach to get accepted.

> my dad then
> challenged me to kneel by my bed and ask god what
> i should do.

Your right dad. Thanks for the suggestion. I've been asking for spiritual guidance on this for quite some time and I'm not going to feel comfortable going on a mission till I get the sign I'm ready. I'll keep you posted.

I just want to give you the other side about whether or not to tell your parents about your sexuality. Not that I'm sure one way or the other which is best, but if you're like me, you really like to think of the down the road possibilities.

First of all, I DO agree with the consensus that you don't go on a mission. That is 2 of the most formative years of your life, and not a time to waste, spend being miserable to make someone else (tentatively) happy or trying to be something you're not.

But if you don't give them the whole picture and a couple years down the road you find a male partner that you want to be in a committed relationship with, and want your parents to accept, it will always be because you didn't go on a mission. They will see it as a failure of theirs for not encouraging you harder. You don't have to worry about what will be said if you find a female partner you want to be committed to, they will breathe a sigh of relief and nothing will be said again about your "problem."

However, if you are honest up front, all you have to say is "I don't think that now is the time for me to be spending 24/7 with another male. I have intimate feelings about both sexes and I don't think that is conducive to a mission." You can even let them know that you plan to stay active (if you do) and that you understand the church's stance on sexuality. It doesn't mean you have to say you agree with it, which you shouldn't. But they won't want to talk a lot about it, they just might need to know you're not bolting immediately.

They will go talk to the bishop, but the bishop will back you up that you don't need to be called on a mission in that case. The church is really cracking down on that. No longer is it thought that a mission will "cure" you of your sexual orientation." And no matter which way your personal relationship goes after that, they will be prepared and it won't have anything to do with the mission. Not to mention, you might feel a little freer.

Anyway, as I said, I'm not saying this is the best course of action because I'm not you and know nothing about your family. It's a choice you make for you. Just wanted to give you something to consider.

You do make a good point.

Weirdly, the church never seems to figure out that maybe putting a bunch of guys together with forbidden female contact during their sexual peak might further encourage the attraction to males.

It's just one more thing that will blow the parents' minds. Plus, it invites the church to be even more intrusive which is not good.

This is a hard decision for punkfruit to know what to do, I'm sure.

I wouldn’t tell them about your sexual preferences at this time. If they find out later and blame it on not going on a mission, you can then say something like “ Bingo! That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t want to go “ It had nothing to do whether or not you went on a mission.

That approach makes sense.

You are 18 years old, one of the most pivotable times in a person's life. Decisions at this time will impact you the rest of your life.

As Raptor Jesus said in his talk at the Exmormon conferenece, (I paraphrase)".....don't let the best two years of your life ruin the rest of it."

College now will shape your life. Do you want it shaped by reason, science, knowledge? or indoctrination?

You've been given great advice on this board. So glad you found it. Hang in there and be strong!

thankyou! im really thankful for everyone here, you guys have helped alot.

There's nothing wrong with telling people that you just need more time -- because that IS the truth of the situation.

Who knows how you may feel next year - probably the same as you feel right now - but you have a right to think things over one way or another.

You're wonderfully young - chill out and do some things that you enjoy!

>
> Hello there, my name is Danny,
> i'm 18 and live in springville
> (just south of Provo)
>

Hey, Danny! You got any inside info on the fellow 18-year-old female who started a couple of fires ($600,000 in damages!) in mormon ward houses?

https://www.sltrib.com/news/2019/03/29/teenager-custody-after/

I wonder if she was LDS and being pressured into going on a mission also. We’ll see how compassionate the church is on this. $600,000 is peanuts to them, plus they have insurance. Now they can rebuild a nicer , more modern part , replacing the previous.

Hey there, I haven't read all the responses, but please don't join the military to get out of a mission! It definitely isn't all fun and games. Could be very dangerous and only for people who really have the apptitude for it!

I agree with those who said leave your sexuality out of it, tell your parents you aren't going right now. If you want to soften the blow, say you want to get some job experience or do some college first. The job market is good; you could get a job and get some experience working and then go to college or technical school after you know what you want to do. No need to rush into college until you know what you want to pursue. So many young people go to college and waste time and money when they don't know what they are really interested in.

Hi Danny.

Just a bit of warning. Now that you've told your parents you don't want to go, it is 100% certain that they will start to blame your decision on "unworthiness." They will begin to accuse you and suspect you. They will start talking about you to neighbors and ward members who will then spread all sorts of rumors. This is what they have been programmed to think; the only reason someone would not want to go is because he has secret sins that would disqualify him. Your sexuality will probably come out.

Hold firm. Don't agree to meet with the bishop (or stake president or whatever). Don't waiver. DO NOT GO.

You have to make your own decisions because your unreasonable parents aren't worth much.

Good parents do not tell an offspring that they can't achieve college and that they must serve a cult.

Move out and move on to other solutions.
Your parents are useless.

Yes, forgot about the dreaded bishop interview. I also say, don’t do it . ( the interview) They’ll want to figure out why you don’t want to go on a mission, ask more questions about sex than usual, unclean thoughts, probably gay questions, though I think they’re not supposed to ask anymore

hey guys, im sorry for being gone. during the past week or so, i managed to calm my parents down about it, my dad told me he wouldn't make me go if i didn't get any spiritual confirmation, so now im playing along with all this church stuff until i find an opportune moment. ill try to be more active again, sorry,.

Thanks for the update. No worries about disappearing for a few days

That's excellent news, Punkfruit. In time, do let us know how things progress