Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: Rubicon ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 12:57AM

It took me a while to resign. I knew I was out and just wanted to distance myself as far from the church as possible but my siblings were getting calls from the church asked where I was. That made me realize I had to let them know I was out so they would stop searching for me.

I had my lawyer handle my resignation process for me. I didn't want to bother with it. The church wanted me to meet with my local stake president but we countered that and the finally took me off their records.

When I got word that I was out I felt like I had just made a jail break or something. I felt free as hell. I felt like I was just a normal gentile and part of the world and out of this little tribe of weirdos with their secret handshake club house. Man it felt good.

I know you don't need a lawyer to resign but it was worth what a nice dinner out would cost to have someone else do the dirty work for me. Leaving is far cheaper than staying in. Haha!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 02:31AM

Free at last! Free at last!

To augment my joy, I resigned on my mom’s birthday! (She thought the church was a cult, and The Hinkster in particular, gave her acne.)

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Rubicon ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 04:52PM

kathleen Wrote:
> Free at last! Free at last!
> To augment my joy, I resigned on my mom’s
> birthday! (She thought the church was a cult, and
> The Hinkster in particular, gave her acne.)

I just remember as a member and as a full time missionary there was this non-stop guilt tripping that we weren't aggressive enough sharing the gospel with people. I remember it being particularly bad when they would hand out a Book of Mormon at church and go, who wants to give one away this week?

Anyways I see the Hinkster going on all these television shows and he is dodging questions and telling lies. In front of a church audience the guy was confident but outside of the church he looked a bit intimidated worried about what kinds of questions he would be asked.

Yeah Hinckley made me ill as well.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 02:57AM

I never planned on resigning, but then did to show my daughter I meant business about being out. I never could have predicted how much better I have felt since then.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Freedom Rimgs ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 03:59AM

I was out of the Church before I formally resigned. It was almost a second thought when I sent my resignation in. I felt relieved it was completely finished. I’ve never regretted it and I will never go back.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 08:50AM

For weeks, I couldn't feel my feet on the ground because my head was in the clouds and brimming with freedom.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: lachesis ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 11:09AM

That was kind of my feeling too. It took a long time--like 15 years from first crack in the door to resignation, so it wasn't like I ever had any doubts as to whether I could be wrong. Even though I knew there was still fallout coming my way, the elation carried me through it.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 10:00AM

He claimed I had requested to have my name removed. That never happened. I didn't know they removed names or recognized resignation. Up to that time, they had told me I'd have to give them evidence for excommunication if I didn't want to have a stream of mormon trespassers at my door.

The bish said I should contact him if I wanted counsel and he said he was disappointed in me for my non-attendance and for rebuffing their trespassers. He said if he didn't hear from me I'd lose various blessings.

I was thrilled to be done with them. I'd filed a police report telling them to leave me alone and the chief had backed me. I'd also been snippy with some woman who phoned and told me to bring a hot dish to a mormon event, this when I didn't know any mormon in the ward and had never been to a mormon meeting in the state of California where I lived. Mormons seem to think they have the upper hand when they're really just pathetic fools.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Hockeyrat ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 10:22AM

I’ve been out for a long time now. We moved to an overseas assignment , without telling anyone in our ward,and never contacted the church when we were in England.We never, ever came in contact with any church members when we got back in the States We then moved a few more time on assignments.
How come they didn’t ever find me? Do I still need to resign?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: bluebutterfly ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 07:13PM

I think they never found you, Hockeyrat, because there hasn't been a zealous family member ratting you out. That's been my experience. Yes to resigning, though!!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: bluebutterfly ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 07:35PM

I was mentally out and stopped attending once I reached adulthood...stayed on the rolls for 21 years and thought I didn't need to resign because it would cause unnecessary family drama for me. Once I realized that the ONLY way to get the mishies to stop harassing me was to resign, I did.

It was the most freeing feeling of my life! I resigned via the lawyer's website in Utah because emailing my resignation letter brought me to ambiguity. E-mail did NOT work for me. They just blew me off.

I do not for one single second regret resigning...and no fire/brimstone after resigning. My family acts like nothing is different (I didn't bother telling them, but I know they know...Dad is the ward clerk ;-))

My only real fear was that character assassination would happen to me by the angry Mos...but as far as I can tell it hasn't happened. I do notice that certain Mos in the town I live in kinda avoid me...and I care not!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: abby ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 07:52PM

That's why I haven't resigned. I'm mostly under the radar and I'm in Utah. I couldn't tell you my ward because I'm in one of those areas where the church IS expanding and boundaries constantly change. The most I get is taped messages to my door. The no soliciting sign that includes religion in the description seems to help.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: valkyriequeen ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 10:40AM

We were lucky when we resigned because most of the immediate family resigned with us. I had done enough research to prove to us that we had been lied to all these years; I had been a part of it for 50 years so I was the last one to come to a realization that TSCC is all a fraud. We've had some things happen since that has vindicated our decisions to resign and so we don't regret it at all. I was the one who pushed our family to pay tithing, go to church,no matter how they felt about it, and so I felt I needed to let them know all that I found out about TSCC and to have us resign.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: gemini ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 10:54AM

I was mentally out by the early 2000's. I didn't resign until I had moved out of my neighborhood of 27 years. I had no idea where my records were or who my bishop was, so when I got a random letter from some guy claiming he was my bishop and had received my resignation letter, I laughed. It was even more hilarious when he stated in this letter that he would "allow" me to resign. Really? I didn't remember asking this stranger for his permission! I called Greg Dodge, the famous membership guru at headquarters and left a message basically demanding it get done. I had my final letter within days.

The feeling I had when it was all said and done was RELIEF. Overwhelming relief.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 11:03AM

I had been out for decades before I formally resigned, but when the church came out with it's policy to punish the children of gay parents, I decided I needed to make a stand. I no longer wanted to even tangentially associate with the church. Resignation was sweet.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 12:06PM

I felt strong, empowered and bigger than life.

When the SP called to verify that this is what I "really" wanted to do, then to give me some scriptures of wisdom, I told him I saw things differently and we would just have to agree to disagree. It felt wonderful to stand on equal footing with him, to not cowtow to his every word.

The FREEDOM to be my own person, to feel very confident that what I was doing was right for me, felt awesome. A new world was dawning!

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/28/2019 12:08PM by presleynfactsrock.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: kentish ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 12:31PM

Back in the early 80s I was unaware of things like simply resigning and sought the excom process. Elation is the word I would use.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 12:40PM

the boyfriend/husband was gay. I never saw mormonism the same after that, but what do you do? I had no answers, so I married him to get the voyeurs out of our lives. We were both questioning from then on until I WENT inactive when my kids were 8. So that was in 1993. I resigned about 5 or 10 years ago. Who knows. He and I resigned together. The bishop told me he wouldn't try to talk me out of it.

Thanks to devotedexmo for resigning over the children of gays issue.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/28/2019 12:40PM by cl2.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: m0rtes ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 03:11PM

alone for a very long time. though my wife was never a member my (Friends) where all Mormon. I was a convert so it felt like i let a lot of people down. There was one group of friends who baptized me i felt bad for them because they had moved and didn't see the change and the questioning i started to have.

still miss them, but they don't know who i am anymore

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: bringemyoung ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 05:28AM

"But they don't know who I am anymore"

That is exactly what it feels like to leave. I haven't resigned since my break is recent, but I have kept my decision under wraps because I know many of my Mormon friends would not understand.

Keep going!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: idleswell ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 03:26PM

When I saw what amounted to my lone chance to make my break for freedom - I took it.

When you have children with a TBM spouse your children can become pawns in the marriage, separation or divorce. Notwithstanding mounting dissatisfaction with my LDS Church experience, I decided that I couldn't leave while our children were minors. We would have the obvious custody or child support to use as punishments against the other spouse. I would also lose any opportunity to influence my children. My wife could finally spout Church doctrine all hours of the day or night without limits.

When our youngest child was 21 I happened to be relocating to another province. I was sitting alone in my modest apartment. Neither had I been assaulted in my new home. Peace at last.

Can some of us relate to having a spouse who outweighs you by 50 to 100 lbs besetting upon you? She calls it "defending the Church," but most people call it "domestic assault." A husband's position is even more precarious because he can't defend himself. If anything physical or threatening happens to a woman, police have no discretion but to arrest the husband. Wives don't abuse husbands in domestic situations.

When I left my marriage and the Church a great relief entered by life. I experienced the exhilaration of a new position in a new city as well.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 03:46PM

Satisfied. I looked up from my computer and immediately told my Catholic wife, who asked why? I told her I had never believed and that maybe this would get the geezer high priest off my ass who'd pestered me since my dad died.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/28/2019 04:29PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: mel ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 05:06PM

I wonder if I was just too weird, or too untouchable as a convert divorced child-free lady, to bother with. Because except for a couple texts and one visit from the missionaries (I didn't answer the door) nobody came after me!

I didn't resign, I just said I was working out of state. And, it rather makes me giggle that somehow every once in a while, somebody might try to find me. I'm not on social media under my own name, I screen my phone calls, and don't answer the door unless I am expecting someone. So I doubt they will ever be able to 'get' me whether I am resigned or just 'gone.'

I feel relief that I know I will never go again, and that I'm not still 'trying' to be a member.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 02:53PM

See, that's what they try to do is make you think it's because something is wrong with you that you left. It's TSCC that is WEIRD. You just needed less time to wise up to that than some of us lifers did. You had a different expectation bar to compare it with. When you're born into the cult the expectation bar is that TSCC is the one you compare all other reality to. That takes awhile longer to catch up with some of us than others. Mileage may vary.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: March 28, 2019 06:06PM

I felt like Fawn Brodie, who said that leaving Mormonism was like taking off a heavy woolen coat on a hot summer's day.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 04:45PM

Perfect description.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 12:48PM

Ooh, I like that too !

Options: ReplyQuote
Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Particles of Faith ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 07:54AM

It was great! I got an ultimatum from the Stake President telling me to either come back to church, quit or face disciplinary action. Since there was no severance with excommunication both DW and I resigned.

We sent a letter Fed Ex, got the expected “this is a local leadership issue” letter, followed by the “please change your mind” pamphlet, finally concluded with a letter from the bishop saying we were out.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 08:15AM

I dumped LDS Inc back in the 1970s while at BYU, before resigning was legally established as my right. I discovered RFM around year 2000, and found out I could resign. So mentally, I was well and truly done with Mormonism for over a quarter century when I resigned. There was zero feeling of "am I doing the right thing?"

I was delighted to fire them. There have been a few times when I wished I could fire them again.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: April 04, 2019 09:22PM

> I was delighted to fire them. There
> have been a few times when I wished
> I could fire them again.

Maybe you and those who feel as you do could rejoin, so you could spectacularly resign again! Do it right, have it catered!!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Exminion ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 10:26AM

Rubicon was one of the main posters on RFM who was the most informative. I resigned without knowing all of the Truth. I stopped believing in JS, when I read the BOM and the POGP, and also the journals of some of my Mormon ancestors—but stayed a practicing Mormon, because of friends and family, and because “Mormonism is the best way to raise children.” When I discovered
That the Mormon leaders were abusing my children, I knew in an instant that leaving the Mormon church was the right thing to do, for me and my children! (I was divorced, and we had no contact with my ex, who was completely inactive (“less active”)

I have never doubted my decision.

When I quit my callings, and we stopped attending, the Mormons harassed us, and maligned us, and told lies about us. I found RFM and the Truth! I didn’t even know we could resign. It took me 9 months, before I got that letter saying we were “removed from the rolls”. The nasty cult doesn’t give us the status of being “resigned”. It only informs us that they have removed us from the rolls, and has taken away all our ordinances. Oh well, we couldn’t just quit,either, but only be “less active” and subject to continual stalking and harassment for the rest of our lives.

I had to call Dodge, and threaten to sue the church, and give him the name of my attorney. Like with the other poster, I got my letter 3 cays later.

In those 9 month of waiting, I learned many truths from Rubicon and others on RFM. I also learned that the moment our letter of resignation is received, we are legally OUT! I hated the cult so much, that I HAD to have that final letter!

I felt free from a lifetime burden.
I felt that I had gained more wisdom
I felt like I belonged in the world
I felt good about being a single working mother, instead of being ashamed. Our life took a dramatic swing upwards.
No more Mormon depression.
Bonus—90% of the Mormon harassment stopped. Now we’re just shunned, but we don’t care anymore.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Rubicon ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 05:03PM

You can't legally be out when you were never legally in. Resignation is really several things. One: The church nullifies all your ordinances. It's their petty way of getting back at you in their minds. In short, you are stripped of rank and have to turn your pistol in. Haha!

Two: On your side of things, resignation really is a cease and desist notice to the church. Don't harass me any longer.

My lawyer asked if the church had me legally sign anything. I said no there is no legal, binding contract. He said legally you aren't a member of anything and if they won't leave you alone after telling them you have no further interest with them we can make contacting you a legal issue.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 05:19PM

I agree with Rubicon.

When I resigned I felt Free.

you should all do it. Enoy... life is too short to stay

tethered to a garbage belief systym.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: olderelder ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 05:20PM

I had walked away from the church about 25 years previous. I'd had no interaction with the church other than an EQP showing up one evening. I politely told him he was wasting his time, and that was the end of it. After hanging out here I figured I should make my departure and total disinterest in returning official. I had been detached from the church for so long that resigning only felt like taking care of some old paperwork. No drama, no trauma. When the official notice came, I kept it for couple of days to see if I would come up with some reason to keep it. I didn't, so it went into the trash with the rest of the junk mail.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Ex-CultMember ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 07:20PM

It felt great. Resignation became more urgent for me after I moved back into the ward boundaries where I grew up. I didn't want my name showing up in the ward's lists as an inactive member. At the time I felt very uncomfortable thinking of having to see people I grew up with trying to get me to come back to the church.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: bluebutterfly ( )
Date: March 29, 2019 07:37PM

^^^^ That's my experience also! I moved back to the area I lived in when I was last Mormon (during high school)...and my parents still live here. And it became urgent for me as well because dear old dad was sending mishies to harass me incessantly! In his face!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: catholicrebel ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 12:41PM

Like a huge weight had been lifted. Literally as if a huge stone had been lifted off of my chest. I started laughing and crying hysterically at the same time. I think the relief was so overwhelming I kind of lost it for a second.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: doyle18 ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 12:42PM

I felt free, as it was done shortly before the divorce from my abusive TBM ex-husband was finalized. It was a way of taking back control of my life, and to prevent my ex from either using the missionaries and others from the cult to harass me, or making up lies to get me excommunicated. After the divorce was final and the confirmation of my resignation arrived, I celebrated by getting my ears pierced a second time.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2019 12:46PM by doyle18.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 12:46PM

Like an albatross had been lifted off my shoulders.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Greyfort ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 01:11PM

It took me a while to resign too, but when I did, I was completely ready. I didn't do it until I was ready for it.

The Bishop, who doesn't even know me, kept sitting on the paperwork. I don't know the Stake President either.

It took me 5 months to resign, due to the stalling of the Bishop and Stake President. So by that point, I was just angry and wanting to get it over with.

I had to become a nag, which is not characteristic of me at all. I'm actually quite a timid person. When I got the paperwork, it was more like, "Hallelujah! Finally."

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 02:48PM

They would've stalled for-ev-uh if you hadn't of nagged em.

That's a shame you needed to resort to that.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 06:36PM

Liberated. A long time coming.


Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: matt ( )
Date: March 31, 2019 11:37PM


Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: ipo ( )
Date: April 01, 2019 06:11AM

to actually writing the exit letter.

I don't know why I waited so long, I never once thought I might return. Might have done it sooner if I had had a hunch that it would feel so good.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Emaleea ( )
Date: April 04, 2019 08:53PM

We left Mormonism 12 years ago, and we never felt the need to officially resign. I have felt more empowered not giving them any credibility at all. If they want to think I am still a member, then the joke is on them.

We occasionally have missionaries stop by, and we just tell them that we are no longer Mormon. We are friendly, invite them in, and tell them why don't believe their doctrine. We never argue with them and always invite them back. Most of the time, they do not return. Many times, we can tell that we actually make them think about some of the things we tell them.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: bettydee ( )
Date: April 04, 2019 11:25PM

When I sent in(actually faxed it to SLC)a several page letter telling who ,where and whys that I was resigning I like everyone else received a pre prepared letter stating my resignation request was being sent to my local stake or bishop (can’t recall which one). I however never heard anything from them .

I did put my letter confirming I was no longer in the cult I received a few months later in my safe with other valuables.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: glassrose ( )
Date: April 05, 2019 12:32AM

Meh. I'd been out for a long time. My plan was to remain on the rolls until my devout parents were both gone. I lost my mom in 2013.
The 2015 Policy about LGBTQ families caused me to finally resign. I told my father that I could not have my name associated, however distantly, with such a hurtful policy. He raised me to be better than that. To his credit, he understood.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2019 12:35AM by glassrose.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Strength in the Loins ( )
Date: April 05, 2019 12:32AM

It was pretty anti-climactic for me personally. We stopped attending in the ward where we had been very active for a number of years.

My transition from active, believing, tithe-paying member to done-with-it-all apostate happened pretty quickly. And when it did happen, the ward members didn't view me as a re-activation project - it was pretty clear that I had stopped believing and I was viewed as a threat rather than a project. So everybody stayed away.

I formally resigned about 2 years after I stopped attending. I really didn't feel much. It was merely an administrative action that formalized what had already occurred.

I imagine that I will feel much the same when my divorce is finalized in August.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: snowball ( )
Date: April 05, 2019 09:40AM

Resigning really helped me move on.

It didn't end the recovery process and I still had to process many of the feelings I had about Mormonism. However, I still felt like I had made a clean break that allowed me to discover the values I wanted to affirm in life and how to act on them.

Making that break allowed me to begin defining myself in terms of who I am and what I want to become as a person, rather than obsessing over not being Mormon anymore.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In

Screen Name: 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
 **      **  **     **  **    **  ********    ******  
 **  **  **   **   **   ***   **  **     **  **    ** 
 **  **  **    ** **    ****  **  **     **  **       
 **  **  **     ***     ** ** **  ********   **       
 **  **  **    ** **    **  ****  **     **  **       
 **  **  **   **   **   **   ***  **     **  **    ** 
  ***  ***   **     **  **    **  ********    ******