I have basically been losing my testimony. I go to church now and then. I have been divorced for five years, now. We were married in the Temple, but our marriage was horrible. He was emotionally abusive, and we never had sex, ever. I think it was a control mechanism on his part. yes, I am the woman here, and yes, he refused to have sex with me. I felt so unattractive. I was faithful during our marriage (unlike my ex husband, who cheated all the time) and have abstained from sex since the divorce, but last night, I meet a guy (non-Mormon) through a dating site (not-Mormon), and we had sex. I feel so messed up right now. Part of me says I am a grown woman, and until last night, I have had one sexual partner. It is time for me to grow up and have some type of sex life. The other part of me is telling me I am a complete slut, and should got talk to my bishop, who I don't know very well. I can't talk to me family or many friends, so I am lost.

I think everyone should get one freebie. No, don’t tell the bishop. He’ll just drag a bunch of strangers into it. If you look at church history, Joseph Smith was quite a horn dog. If that’s the standard, you have nothing to worry about.

If you ever do this again, please date an exmo.

The Church conditions you to be a neurotic mess because that’s how cults take your power. You feel the way you do because of this conditioning.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2019 04:32PM by babyloncansuckit.

Sounds normal to me. Forget the slut stuff. Forget the bishop. You do not need their opinions and it's none of their business. The hardest part is realizing you do not need to ask permission for what you want to do with your life.

You might be a bit naïve about STDs. Get checked and use caution.

Enjoy! Looking back over my life, some of my biggest regrets were not having sex with some of the men from my younger years.

You've been divorced for 5 years. You *are* a grown adult. That's closer to normal behavior than what you've been living through. Cut yourself some slack and clear your head. Now that this happened, you might be thinking more clearly next time and can decide what you really want to do or not to do.

Edit to add, do not discuss this with anyone from church. Not with the bishop or anyone else. It's none of his, or anyone else's business.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2019 04:26PM by Devoted Exmo.

"Part of me says I am a grown woman, and until last night, I have had one sexual partner. It is time for me to grow up and have some type of sex life."

This is the reasonable and rational part of you. This is the normal yet severely repressed adult who is trying to get out. Listen to this part of you.

Meanwhile…

"The other part of me is telling me I am a complete slut, and should got talk to my bishop, who I don't know very well."

This is the controlled, indoctrinated part of you. This is the dependent, frightened child that the church wants you to continue to be throughout your life. Ignore this part of you.

I'm quite confident that if you opt to confess to your bishop, you are quickly going to regret having done so. He has no business knowing about your private life. He has no spirit of discernment and no real authority over you (other than what you allow him to have). He's not special; he's just some random guy from your neighborhood who's dumb enough to have paid a lot of tithing.

If you confess you could get excommunicated, they could pull into a "court of love". My cousin was legally separated from his wife when she got a boyfriend. My cousin went to the bishop and they made a court of love for his soon to be ex wife. The ex wife told me that it was embarrassing and very humiliating the kids of questions that they have asked her and she is not a prude. After I had our second child I had PPD and was put on Prozac. My husband told the bishop so that I could be released from my calling. Soon most of the ward knew and I was shunned. Women would come up to me and tell me that the happiest they have even been was after they had given birth.
My advice to you is to not go to the bishop. Do not read "the miracle of forgivness". Look inside you. When is sex acceptable to you? Only inside marriage? Only in a committed relationship? What is a "sin" to you? A cup of coffee? Who has authority over you? The bishop? The stake president? Yourself? Your parents? Once I had a heat rash (we live in Texas) and I asked my husband if I could skip wearing garments till my rash was gone. My husband said "it's your body you choose which underwear you wear". I was so brainwashed that I thought he as a priesthood holder would need to give me permission due to a medical need to skip garments. I have not really thought for myself. I have tried to follow rules.

If you were in a zoo, your keepers would be breathing a sigh of relief, and high-fiving!

The mormon church is demonstratably NOT connected with any real ghawd franchise! It is made up and the proof is in the changes made to try to appeal to current sensibilities!

(Admin Edit)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2019 04:50PM by maude.

*Definitely* don't go to the bishop. As an adult, your sex life is between you and your partner, and is no one else's business.

It's important to understand that up until now, you have experienced your adult sexual life under the rules of a high-control religion. You don't shake that overnight.

It's not unusual for adults to have "Oopsies" -- I know I did. But in the end, it's just sex. No one was harmed. No complaints were filed. No laws were violated (hopefully.) :) If you learned something from your experience, file that and move on.

It's going to be important moving forward to figure out your new personal standards and put those into action. Perhaps you want to have dated a man for approximately X amount of time before you are intimate. It is important to be honest with your potential partners and communicate with them clearly. Some men may put pressure on you, and it will be important for you to know that your own personal standards are okay, and if the guy doesn't like that, he can take a hike.

Don't let a guy try to pull one over on you ("Everyone does that!) No, everyone doesn't do that. You have a right to figure out what is appropriate for you. Walk away from those who would make you feel lesser than.

Alcohol and other substances can lower inhibitions, so it's important to be mindful of that and act accordingly. If you drink, put a limit on your imbibing until you know a man well. Needless to say, always get your drink directly from the bartender or server, and never leave it unattended. I like to think that most men have integrity, but there are a few who don't.

If you don't want to have sex, don't go into a man's bedroom or agree to a massage, etc. If you go out for evening activities, and then accept a late-night invitation to a man's home for a "nightcap," many men will take that as meaning that you are interested in having sex, and will put the moves on you. Don't put yourself into situations that often lead to sex.

Partners vary widely in terms of sex drives and preferences. It's nice to try new things, but ultimately you will have to live with the man. Don't let yourself feel bullied into activities or more
frequent sex than you feel comfortable with.

Educate yourself about birth control and STDs. Take reasonable precautions.

Good luck and HAVE FUN! Reach out if you have any additional questions or concerns.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2019 05:06PM by summer.

You had great advice, and wish I had had this advice earlier. I have not really dated since my BYU days, and I tried dating Mormon divorced guys, but it was a nightmare. I guess I am in an entirely new world. I cried today because I am overwhelmed by this entire experience. How did you get over the sex is the evilest thing the world has ever seen propaganda? My sisters are good Mormon girls, but opened-minded. Did you every talk to family about what happened with your post Mormon experiences? I guess I feel like I have crossed the Rubicon, and I don't really know what to expect on the other side. Thanks

Go hold a baby. Look into its eyes. Do you know what happens to infants in hospital wards who are never held? They die. No kidding, nursing figured that out and now skin to skin contact is a big thing. If babies need it, why not you?

You can cross the rubicon but just don’t double cross the Rubicon. Good advice in here and yes you really don’t realize how much we all got programmed in the church until you get away from it.

Your private life is nobody’s business. I can’t add any advice better than what has already been given in here other than move forward and be what you want to be.

I got divorced from my temple wedded husband after he came out as a gay man. We were TBM all the way, but after the divorce (about a year after) I met someone, too. We had sex. I had a strange sensation about not being married to him. He looked at me in a kind, but puzzled way when I told him. He said, "it's just sex". That statement right there was such a revelation to my brainwashed mind. I had grown up so conditioned to the horrible horrible sin it was to have sex outside of marriage that it was insanity.

Absolutely DO NOT tell the bishop anything! It is none of his business!

Summer has excellent suggestions!

Thanks, everyone. I am starting to feel better. I am still seeing the guy, so I don't know if it is one-night-stand (never thought that would be me). I guess time will tell. I have never dated non-Mormon guys, so when he suggested we go back to his place, I thought sure (remembering my BYU days of watching movies mixed with some heavy kissing). I guess I need to reevaluate how I handle future situations, and you all had some good suggestions. I am still kind of in shock, but feeling better about situation. I am so glad I found this forum. I will probably need a lot help navigating this new world. It is so hard when everyone, or almost everyone you know, is still drinking the Kool Aid.

Some couples do start in right away, so if you like him, don't let that be a deal-killer. And if you decide that you are not suited to one another, no harm, no foul.

happycamper1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It is so hard when
> everyone, or almost everyone you know, is still
> drinking the Kool Aid.

Just think of it as "Kolobian Aid" and know that it is too sweet and toxic for your future consumption. Joe said to say no to strong drink.

Did you meet him and have sex with him right away (same day), that is the jist I got from your post, I could have misread it.

If that is so, in my opinion it is a bad idea to do that, not for moral reasons, but physical and emotional safety reasons, the reason to wait to have sex is to have a chance to get to know someone and decide if you like them overall and see who they really are, because people show their true colors over time and you might decide you don't like them, when you have sex, usually there are emotions involved and/or develop prematurely, and he/or you might want more and he/or you might not be on the same page, then things like unwanted attention, maybe even stalking can happen, or other unhealthy attachments.

It is just harder to make a clean break if you want to....usually, but then of course there are exceptions.

Yes, care for your health, social=emotional AND be careful about STD's 'YOUR NEVER KNOW'!

telling your age Might help us give U good advice; any kidlets at home? take them into consideration also!!!

I am middle age and my kids are in college, so they have no idea what is going on in my love life. Thanks

Odds are they'd be happy for you ... unless they're still drinking the kool-aid.

Seconding the opinion: don't discuss your personal life with any mormon, and most certainly not a mormon 'bishop'.

You have no reason to feel guilty. You DID NOT kidnap the Lindbergh baby !

In my book, it would only be a problem if you'd had sex with your EX after your divorce. Because THAT's the kind of thing that can mess you up mentally and emotionally.

Yes, I was worried about that when I saw the thread title, but "normal" sex" with someone new is fine. Enjoy!

Tom in Paris

If you tell your Bishop it is likely he will tell others. There is no guaranteed confidentiality when you confess to a Mormon Bishop. It is between you, your partner and your God. Leave it there.

Or rent billboard space.

Happy, do what you want, avoid the bishop, if you are overwhelmed might have a session or two with a non-Mormon counselor.

Now that your trying the dating world, might want to slow it down a bit till the second or third date, cause, you know, the whole one-night stand thing can hurt your feelings if he never calls back.

You didn’t do anything wrong though, don’t panic. Just take some deep breaths, be happy that you had a nice time with a guy after a dreadful marriage. Hooray you! You’re fine. And yes, for sure, condom next time! :)

Sex is a powerful emotional activity and it's normal to feel overwhelmed by it, especially with religious guilt involved. When I was young I 'accidentally' lost my virginity with someone who was not the girl that I had already started off a nice relationship with. I was mortified by what had happened, and had some post-Christian guilt as well. I had to tell someone so I burst into one of my university lecturer's office and dissolved into tears. I didn't know her all that well but I knew she would be a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. I felt better after that.

I didn't tell anyone close to me about it (can't imagine telling a Bishop!) and I just worked it out with the one who became my girlfriend. Sex and relationships are complicated at the best of times. Take it slow and try not to over-invest in any new relationship until it is properly established.

unless you are twelve years old, its no one's business if

you had sex or not. I'm assuming that you are a grown woman

in which case means you are your own boss, you and you alone

decide when, where and with whom to have sex. It's your life,

enjoy it. Please don't make the mistake of getting hung up on

what others think of you. You can't live your life doing that.

Don't ask other people for permission to do anything.

I agree you need to spend some time thinking about what you want for yourself. Some people are able to just enjoy (safe) sex for fun, without emotional attachment. A lot of people are not. Where do you fall on this spectrum? Are you ok with letting your hair down and “just having fun” or do you need to be in a relationship first? There’s not a right or wrong answer, it’s just about what is right for you. Professional non-Mormon counseling can help you figure things out, but won’t tell you “the answer”. YOU get to decide! Not some dentist or accountant with no formal training who would just LOVE to be privy to all the juicy details of your love life! So inappropriate! Name one other “religion” that “counsels” this way!

How I wish I could just be your "Big Sis" in all this.
My marriage turned sexless after I said I was done with having kids. I was tired of the ex just trying so hard to get me pregnant. We had fertility issues, and after two I felt I was done with trying for another and just enjoy my life. The ex made it clear that if we were not "procreating" he did not see the need for us to have a sex life.

I was crushed, because I did enjoy sex and affection! I wanted it! I saved myself for HIM and then he shut me out. There were a few times that he decided it was important he have sex with me so he isn't tempted by others/other options. He blamed me for the times he "self loved" or cheated on me.

Fast forward years after divorce, got into online dating and was dating a man for a few months. We took things slow. I let him know LONG before that first night some of my past history.
I cried after that first time and freaked him out. I freaked myself out. I went thru the self-loathing stage and called myself a slut. I wanted to confession to someone.

It took awhile to realize these are totally normal feelings. Entering sexuality later as an adult is a whole new experience. Here is where you get to define the rules (which I hope you do)for yourself.

My suggestions: Take a quite time and reflect on the experience. Did you feel you had something to prove to yourself? IE, Im a grown up and should be able to do this without guilt, etc.

Even Non Mormons have guilt about sleeping with others. Hormones are funny things, they muddle the mind quite easily.

Define your own boundaries and with whom. Is causal sex ok? I tried it a few times and discovered I can not do casual sex. I need a relationship. (Not marriage, but I need emotional involvement). That made it crucial to have open conversations with men I have dated that for my own emotional well-being, I can not have a sexual relationship without some sort of mutual bond..and monogamy. Sometimes I wish that was not the case, but its the reality of who I am.

Have the crucial conversations with your partner/potential partner. If they cant accept that you have a few sexual speed bumps, then move on. You need someone that you will click with and navigate this new territory.

Never have sex with someone unless it is safe and consensual.

Never expect your partner to take the precautions. Always have your own.

Never feel like you have to have a timeline (Gee we dated three times so....)

No need to go to the Bishop...I absolve you in the Holy Church of Recovered Molly. You are not a slut. (Makes the signs and throws the glitter and offers you a Margarita)

Sex for most women brings up a myriad of feeling based on our previous experiences (especially the toxic ones) and our cultural mindset. A huge emotional minefield.

Time for some self reflection and some kinder words to yourself.

You are going to be ok:)
RMM

I was down a similar road. I felt displaced and conflicted with myself as well. What helped me overcome feeling conflicted was recognizing there's more to me than one aspect. Being a devout mormon was your entire life and your behaviors aligned entirely with this one aspect. You were raised in a cookie-cutter fashion, preventing you from fully developing as your own unique person. This includes sexuality. Sexuality is also just one aspect of your human experience, so don't beat yourself up for having a new (and good!) experience and learning about yourself in the process. It takes time to come to terms with moving outside your comfort zone and discovering new things about yourself. It's good to explore sex (safely, of course) because it will help you decide what you enjoy or what you want in a future partner. Learning about yourself and the world around you is a GOOD thing! Experience is your friend!

Congratulations;) Just don't get pregnant unless you are prepared for the responsibility that comes with it, but I'm sure you know that.

You are a grown woman. Enjoy your life.

but I also loved him a lot. We needed to get the leaders out of our lives and figure things out for ourselves as they were just messing me up severely. They wanted me to "sacrifice" myself to save him as they TOLD US to do everything up to intercourse, but not have intercourse, so we could save him. I wouldn't go along, but the pressure was there.

So after he left me and put me through more hell, I told everyone that I would only date again if "this man" came back into my life, but I doubted he ever would. He was nonmormon and I dated him at age 20. I dated several nonmormons as mormons never asked me out and the good mormon guys I worked with thought I should date this guy and MARRY HIM. But I didn't marry him.

Lo and behold, 9 years after my husband left me, he got a divorce. We've been together over 14 years. The first time we had sex, I cried, like someone else said they did. I THEN KNEW what it was like to have sex with a straight man. I was so extremely "saved" when I met my husband as I was so afraid of talking to bishops about sex and then I found myself talking to them endlessly about it as they were such voyeurs.

I had many years to consider what had happened in my life. I've never once felt guilty for having sex, for being an adulteress. Which was more right for me? Mentally, emotionally, psychologically? Temple marriage to a gay man or having sex outside of marriage to a straight man who had loved me years before and still did? I knew exactly what I would do when I first saw him again and I did.

The lds have hijacked your sex life. It is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

Oh, I used to talk to quite a few ex-wives of gays. MANY OF THEM went crazy when they got divorced. Several of them put themselves through church courts. Most of them have now left the lds church.

Myself, I'm not divorced. I don't consider myself married. There are many reasons I haven't divorced and it has turned out to be the right thing for me insurance-wise and in other ways. I'm always shocked when people say "your husband." It doesn't bother my boyfriend and it has worked out the best for me, so I'm an adulteress. Having been the perfect little mormon girl, I wear the badge with pride.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/28/2019 06:57AM by cl2.

It's none of his business and talking to him will likely open up a whole new array of problems.

Stay quiet!

If you need to talk, perhaps go to your doctor and ask for a referral to a professional.

The Mormons are obsessed with sex. It is the key to controlling the lives of other people. And one of the ways they will try to continue such control games on you are through a scare tactic they call the "Gift of Discernment".

I think before you ever let any thoughts that any Church leader might have the "" regarding you that you should be acquainted with the story of Elder Richard R. Lyman who was in the Quorum of the Twelve 1925-1943. Then my question for you is this: "do you think some Bishop is going to discern that you had sex 5 years after marriage when the entire FP/12 for 18 years failed to discern that one of their own Apostles was in an adulterous affair?"




1918 - Lyman called as Apostle

1918-1943 Each year Lyman is sustained as Apostle & Prophet-Seer-Revelator by all Church members/leaders at each General Conference and at Stake/Ward conferences throughout the world

1925 - Lyman starts an adulterous affair

approx 1935 to 1938 - Richard Lyman sent to Europe to be the President of the European Mission - assuming that God can foresee the future this was a critical assignment for preparing Europe's local LDS leaders to lead/guide everything during WW2 when missionaries & GA's would not be present in Europe

1918-1943 Lyman functions in all his Apostlic duties without any of the other Prophet Seer Revelators ever suspecting that he was an adulterer

1943 - the police catch Lyman in bed with his lover; within a week he is excommunicated (i.e. removed from Q12 and membership in Church)

Eventually he was rebaptized

Sadly,
The LDS church is all about sex, and control. If you haven't noticed by now, the church plants it in your brain that if you don't do sex exactly as prescribed by the church, then you are bad, evil, a sinner, satan's minion etc.

The church plants the shame and guilt deep in your brain and when you mess up, you believe its the end of the world and you need to scurry back to the bishop to get it off your chest.

Sadly, I bought into that psychology for decades. I felt horrible when i messed up. Some bishops were genuinely good people and decent about it while others were mean spirited and made comments that made me feel worse. I wondered why there was no consistency between bishops. I guess the spirit that guides them was based more on their personality and experiences.

Anyway, bottom line is you are an adult. Own it. Experience adult sexuality. its a beautiful thing. Now it is a slippery slope so control yourself. Remember, all things in moderation.

You are a healthy and normal individual. Don't let the LDS church darken that thought and make you feel guilty.

alaskawild Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sadly, The LDS church is all about sex, and control.

Yes, it is so weird that JS had s*x with everyone he could catch and yet the cult declaims: no s*x with anybody, not even yourself!

It took me a while after leaving to find myself again, having been shoehorned into being a 'perfect moron'---you may have to rediscover what you like, who you like, just take it at your own pace.

Life is good, outside the cult! Welcome, glad you found us here!

I think you'd be better served talking to a licensed therapist/counselor/psychologist of some type, rather than an LDS bishop.

There's a lot of things whirling around your brain. A little professional guidance from a neutral professional with some expertise in mental health could do wonders.

Most bishops are decent guys, but with rare exception they're simply not qualified or prepared to handle complex emotionally-fraught situations like you describe. At best they're stumbling in the dark using a Bishop's handbook for guidance. At worst they're prurient power-hungry control freaks who think the priesthood is a superpower and they can do no wrong.

A therapist is probably a better choice than either type of bishop.

What you do is YOUR Own BUSINESS!!
Don't tell the bish!
HE WILL SPREAD THE WORD!!
There is no guilt trip necessary!!!!
Be your own person!!!!!

thedesertrat1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> HE WILL SPREAD THE WORD!!

True!
There was a "single man" in my ward, who told everyone he'd "never" been married, as he madly flirted with every female.

Then the word came down, in another state, he'd been married in the Temple, not once but twice, and both were annulled due to non-consummation"....I tell you, who could know all this and spread it but a Bishop, who talked to another Bishop?

They (church leaders, members or "the church") do not have any power over you that you do not give them.

They do not understand "boundaries".

This is your personal life. It is not their business.

The church is set up to induce "guilt" if you do not comply with their way of doing things. Their methods are finely tuned to get the results that they want out of you and collectively out of the entire membership.

Create a boundary that is comfortable to you. If you enjoy going to church, do so. Maybe you want to accept a calling. That's okay. Maybe you don't want to accept a calling. That's okay.

It is your boundaries, not their boundaries. Make the boundary to be as healthy for you as possible. If you don't want to have to lie to them about your personal life, do not give them the chance to ask you about it. That means, you refuse temple recommend interviews or private interviews.

If you don't mind a lie, then go to the interview and lie. It isn't their business. But a lie may make you feel badly so I recommend avoiding the question.

As far as your personal sex life, the same is true. Men will generally do what you want to do, generally (exceptions are possible). So you get to decide where your boundaries are regarding that. Just be safe, protect yourself physically and emotionally. You may get hurt (emotionally). That is part of building a relationship that may end when you don't want it to end. But that doesn't mean you give up.

I made a great joke on this particular subject, but alas, good taste triumphed...

Why worry about it? Conditioning does that to you.
Adults should have the freedom to be who they want and if you enjoy life - and sex - as long as it is consensual, why does it matter?

High Five!

As everyone said, do not go to the "bishop," as it won't be between you and your partner, where it should be. You've been divorced for 5 years and you're an adult, you should be able to enjoy consensual sex.

Is there sex BEFORE divorce ?

Dear HappyCamper,

Well are you a Happy Camper, or aren't you?

Since there is life after divorce, you have discovered that life goes on.

Therefore, you are finding that you are the same person you were before only now you are able to explore and express yourself more freely.

Don't shame yourself. Don't guilt yourself. You got enough of that at the morg, and see where that got you..

Time to move forward and onward with your life. Time to build new relationships. Explore. Especially, and not least of all, is yourself. Make time to really get to understand yourself better now that you're no longer tangled up inside the bowels of an all controlling cult.

Life is supposed to be an adventure. Yours is just beginning. Embrace it all. Own your journey.

About your testimony, belief for belief’s sake is valid. The reality inside your head is the one you have to live with. So Mormonism works until you find out the truth about it and it all crumbles. Think of life as a museum. Mormonism is one painting in the museum. There are many paintings. There certainly isn’t one true painting. Beauty is where you find it. Mormons want you to stop at one painting, the one drawn in crayon.

You’re not in Junior High anymore. You don’t have to go to the principals office. The Mormon world breeds insecurity by keeping you in that mindset. It’s always their way or the highway. Look at the church leaders making spectacles of themselves with their massive insecurity complexes. Afraid to even think. The truth has them caught like deer in headlights. There is life beyond Jr High.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/30/2019 10:16AM by babyloncansuckit.

Your are an adult, and you are not married. What you do with your sex life is your own business and nobody else's. IMHO no need to talk with your bishop. Only you can decide if you are happy with what you are doing, but for what it is worth, I don't think you should feel 'guilty' about it. Certainly do not feel guilty over it because some church founded by a pedophile says you should feel guilty.

If it was "good" sex then god totally endorsed it by making it pleasurable. If it was "bad" sex, then at least one of you should be ashamed. Not because it was "immoral" but someone should have worked a bit harder. It is sex... have fun and play safe.

HH =)

"He was emotionally abusive, and we never had sex, ever. I think it was a control mechanism on his part. yes, I am the woman here, and yes, he refused to have sex with me. I felt so unattractive. I was faithful during our marriage (unlike my ex husband, who cheated all the time) "

Go to Quora.com, lookup "Narcissistic Personality Disorder"

If he is a narc, you probably have a trauma bond with him (and with The Church). You are probably empathetic, caring, and honest. That's what he prayed on.

Go to a real mental health professional, and not a Bishop.
Look for some co-dependent support groups in your area. You are not the only one.

Individual therapy and self-help groups can help you overcome your issues. It's about you. Repeat that, you, and not what others think or believe.

You are beautiful and amazing.

I think so much more clearly about this subject than I did while I was a Mormon.

Here’s the thing: Mormonism and your marriage were about control coming from the outside of you.

Now you get to have the control come from the inside of you. That means that what’s good can be what’s good for you. And what’s bad can be what’s bad for you.

Was that sexual experience good for you personally? What did you gain from it? What did you learn? What would you change?

What do you want to have happen next time? What kind of sec life would you like to have in the future?

Answer these questions for you. And then follow you.

And definitely don’t go to your priesthood leaders. Religions control sex because by controlling sex they can control people. You get to control you now. Allow yourself to feel the power of that control.

Everyone is different. After my second divorce, I wanted nothing to do with sex. Both of my ex-husbands were abusive. One beat me, from the beginning. One cheated on me. The one who cheated was a Narcissist. He enjoyed inflicting pain on me during sex, and that was horrible enough for me to remain celibate for the rest of my life.

I was thrust into a leadership calling, in the LDS Singles over 40--yet another reason to be celibate! The Mormon men were very scary! There were Known polygamists, rapists, and pedophiles at the dances, and it wasn't easy to keep them out. In addition, the married priesthood leaders (who, of course, were the bosses of the singles and females) allowed the Utah State Prison to bus in prisoners, who were able to get special-privileges "passes."

Oh, Lord! How many times did I say, "I'm SO GLAD I didn't go out with THAT GUY!"

The favorite man at the dances, who said he was a doctor, was found murdered in a ditch. His wife killed him. The polygamists would go to the dances, looking for new wives.

I did reconnect with a few old boyfriends, but they were Mormons, and by then I had realized that I did not agree with the Mormon attitude towards women. I was out there making a living to support my children, and I wanted RESPECT.

To me, having sex would have meant giving up my self-respect. I also wanted to be someone my children would look up to. I did not want to bring some unknown man into our life. My family was too precious to share.

That said--I already knew how very bad and how very good sex could be. If I had had only bad sex, I would have been very CURIOUS about what everyone was raving about! Curiosity alone, would have made me give it a go.

Please don't tell your bishop!!! I think everyone agrees on this!

Don't tell your family, either! From my experiences in the LDS Singles, and with various bishops, and with Mormon families, "Never kiss and tell" is the best advice! Don't complicate things, and don't make too much out of this.

I would advise you to NOT have sex. Fool around, and have fun, but don't expose yourself to diseases, pregnancy scares, and emotional upheaval. Just don't do it!

This has nothing to do with religion or morals or guilt. It's just common sense and self-preservation. Get a hobby. Exercise, feed, massage, and work on your fabulous body. Keep it for yourself.

One more question:

How was it! Did it satisfy your curiousity?

Most of all, did it convince you that your awful marriage and divorce was NOT YOUR FAULT? I hope so! (((hugs to you)))

I was thinking just today about my late ex wife. What if I had stayed until the end instead of leaving a toxic relationship years earlier? I could have stuck it out. But because I left, dozens of people are alive today instead of dead. Many more are much healthier. You haven’t seen happiness and gratitude until you’ve seen someone on death’s doorstep get a new lease on life. All because I broke Mormonism’s biggest rules. I wish their happiness would rub off on me. Even after all this, it still messes with my head because of deep Mormon programming.

It hurts to lose the ones you love. A lot. But if you lose them they were never really yours. Maybe that’s the lesson of Mormonism. What will you sacrifice to find yourself? You don’t need a soul mate, you are your soul mate.

Don’t feel you are unworthy of anything. That’s your captor’s manipulation tactic that’s as ungodly as the day is long. You were always good enough. Just be you. Perfect you.

If you are alone, appreciate that “you time”. It may not last.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/01/2019 06:18AM by babyloncansuckit.

The church is false. F••k all you want.

It worked for Joseph Smith.