Posted by:
The Man in Black
(
)
Date: June 22, 2011 01:34AM
QoD's thread on being painted whore reminded me of this one time at band camp when I decided grow facial hair. Actually it was whilst attending a church-operated school (same thing really). We were out for the summer and I was tired of having that clean-cut, wide-eyed, fresh-out-of-high-school, give me a wedgie and take my lunch money please look.
I was aiming for a sort of I donno, classy well-groomed beard. I had never done it before. I looked up styles and settled on three possibilities. A Van Dyke, soul patch, or goatee, not the let yourself go, forgot to shave again, Dr. House on painkillers look. I tried all three types and I liked the results of each. I looked older, more mature and more like Satan as depicted by old silent movies.
Anyway my bishop at the time called me in to his office once he noticed and told me to just shave it off (♫ like a light bulb, just shave it off ♫) or he'd have do "do something about it." I asked him why. I wasn't in school again for months, I argued. He told me, "You look like a pirate. I've had complaints."
Complaints!? What is there a face owners association that doesn't want the value of their own faces to go down if I don't mow my face? Did my facial hair call you at 3 AM and threaten to molest you or something? Did I grow a toothbrush mooustace and start wearing swastikas? Do I make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts?
I know exactly why QoD feels the way she described. Those prudish Nazis did the same thing to me.
So here we are at RfM, painted whores and pirates...basically Port Royal, or Pirates of the Carribean as directed by David Fincher and produced by Penthouse.
Have you ever been called something stupid for a stupid reason? Like wearing an extra earring? Forgetting your sleeves or filling that fountain drink with Lipton tea? Ever been called a painted whore?