My Ex spouse is more a Jack-Mormon (doing what suits and motivates him the best) and a Narcissist.

He just moved to a new place and invited our adult child to live with him. My adult child is expected to pay rent, which I fully agree he should, as it is a benefit to him due the high rents in our area.

The kitchen was an explosive mess, the ex saw my face and said "Yeah I need to get to that but Im just so busy that I don't have time" He proceeds to tell me of all the things he needs to get done for church and work and tells me his home/family life is not high on this list.

Im not shocked, Ive been thru this scene before, because he was always focused on meeting the approval of Church Inc. before his interpersonal relationships.

The ex then tells me that our adult offspring should do it for him. I laughed.

The ex said "Well Im hardly ever home bc of all my tasks".

I reply, all things start with home and family. If that falls apart or is in constant chaos...it reflects on every thing else.

My adult child is willing to put up with it for the cheap rent. As I drove away...Im glad that's not the circus I live in any longer.

RMM

Isn't it wonderful to be free -- really free from that trap?

Good for you. I hope it goes well.

How much should your adult child be paid as a housekeeper?

There should be a decrease in rent for how much work your child does per hour.

I actually do live with my "ex." He was unbearable to live with before. It didn't matter how clean the house was, he always found the one thing I didn't do. Always complaining and nitpicking me to death.

He doesn't dare do that now. He knows that I have the power over the house and I'd kick him out in a second. He lives downstairs and keeps it clean and organized (other than dusting and we don't dust for him). He pays more than his share. He also fixes the "big" things that come up. I do the rest. Like yard work and housework.

But he knows he can't treat me like he used to.

My ex's spare time is focused on finding a boyfriend almost exclusively when he is not at work.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/25/2019 08:28PM by cl2.

I find that all the "tasks" the church gives you are merely a way to deflect from things you don't want to do or face.

I threw myself into the Church and "callings" when I didn't want to confront real sh*t in my life. It gave me an excuse.

When I came to a turning point where I realized I could no longer do that if I wanted to make meaningful changes in my life, those "callings" and "tasks" got turned down or ignored. And I worked Sundays.

Shortly after I reached that point, I couldn't bear sitting there and listening to that sh*t anymore.

... uh, I forget why.

Recovered Molly Mo wrote: "Im glad that's not the circus I live in any longer."

I don't understand how a parent can just throw their child under the bus, like that. YOU couldn't stand living there--so why do you think your son won't be unhappy? Will he be expected to go to church?

IMO, it's not worth saving the money. Instead of cleaning (even if your ex decided to pay him) your son can get a part-time paying job, and earn enough to make up the cost of rent. When measuring the pro's and con's of this decision, you must throw "the happiness quotient" into the mix.

Your poor child's happiness is way down on the priority list, after church, after tithing, after convenience (not having to search for a place), after money ("cheap rent" at a huge emotional price).

I'm sure the OP will appreciate your sage and kind words of advice from your position of detailed knowledge of the character and circumstances of all the people involved.

When I was super mature, at age 8, I made a super important promise to always obey Jesus and thanks to the beloved Correlation program I am well conditioned to be geared towards being absolutely and exactly obedient to the Holy Nelson, the rest of the other 14 holy dudes, and my local leaders. Well on that special baptism day I got this awesome gift from a wonderful Ghost that has caused me ever since to but my nose into other people's business without worrying about business because I just presume its this Ghost telling me to do it via his glorious gift. So if you ever wonder why us [long]s don't respect boundaries its because we have this super duper gift and habits of obedience that causes us to believe that boundaries aren't important.

Thus as I read this story I'm feeling inspired to butt in and tell you to go get re-married to your EX and live in that wonderful home that is spiritually spotless with this super duper Gift from that holy Ghost and also that super power he has thanks to getting ordained due to being found worthy and having proper anatomy for this glorious priesthood power.

So yeah his place might be a physical mess. But you will of course be happy, especially with the super blessings you will get from Heavenly Father's awesome law of finance - i.e. tithing. And even if you do feel depression just remember that we have the modern miracle called Prozac that can help you cope and endure to the end, unless you do something like read the CES Letter and then get caught on some path not approved for us by the Correlation program.