So all through my marriage. I have let my husband have the final say in most everything. This was especially true when it came to money.

He started a business with another man. He wrote code for software for nearly a year and churned out a decent product. The partner was supposed to then sell the software. I recommended he write down the hours he worked on the software. I recommended that he keep a record of all his expenses. he didn't because he trusted this guy.

He completes the software and the partner fails to sell it. Not only that, he then starts claiming that my husband had promised to sell it and had now backed out of the deal.

Guess what no paperwork. no contract, no record of hours worked. When this all went to trial it was a case of a guy with a lawyer against a guy without a lawyer. My husband lost because he had no proof of his work or their agreement. This cost 40K.

Way back in the day Bitcoin was just becoming a thing. I got a hot tip. I stated that we should do bitcoin. I had looked into how to get a quick set up going and start mining. I wanted to move quickly. He wanted a "Good" setup. He tried to get funding so that he could buy a bunch of computers. I just backed out of it. he had decided to make all the decisions and knew people that could fund him. The guy helping him get funding set up a quick set up on some old computers. My husband did not. I did not because I figured the correct way to do things was to let the man handle it as the breadwinner.

Fast forward to a year later. Bit coin at the time was worth a ridiculous amount. I won't date it, but it would've paid for our house several times over. I was kicking myself for releasing control on that one.

There were other instances. Whenever I pushed at all in business for I was told to back out. I have no say and its his job as head of the house to deal with the money/business.

But, he sucks at it. He is really bad as a businessman and I'd say a little dishonest.

If only I could go back in time and asserted myself instead of trying to play my role as "helpmate".

what a bunch of bull.

I also have a lot of regrets as an ex-mormon. If only I’d done this or that, and usually if only I had not done a tonne of things. But you do what you think is right at the time and we didn’t know any better. It sounds like all of this is still impacting you today though because of finances and your marriage? You can only assess what you will do and how you want to handle things now and going forward, out of the choices you have.

Most techies are terrible at business. You seem to have a head for business. Maybe you should itemize the costs he’s racked up by not letting you be the boss. “Here’s what your priesthood has cost us”. Then, brainstorm on a project you can work on together where he’s the technical execution and you’re the business side. Size isn’t important as long as you push it through to completion. Keep doing it until you get a hit.

Its a good reminder to not give up.

I take as much responsibility as him. I chose to follow the priesthood as much as he thought he was fulfilling God's role for him.

Its just that the default reaction to women in the LDS church seems to be to second guess and ignore them. The patriarchy only reinforces this mindset.

Are you saying that you’ve tried already to take responsibility but he just ignores you? What is it that the mormon church told him which made him make bad decisions?
I might have misunderstood but this is how it sounded to me: Mormon church taught him to be too laid back and not take account of things which led you both into financial trouble; you tried to intervene but he ignored you because you’re not a priesthood holder. OR because the decisions he made could not be questioned by you due to the view of the priesthood overrules you as a woman, therefore the mistakes were purely his, and due to his mormon beliefs could not be questioned. Also due to being in the mormon church you didn’t feel able to assert yourself.
Either way, I don’t think any of it is your fault. The question is, will he change and if not then what do you want to do?

I always laugh at "bitcoin mining". Another get rich scheme.

It is an old thread that was resurrected yesterday as he died.

How many people were financially ruined by Udy? He was an area representative.

Lets not forget the the tithing promise.. untold riches, ya right in your LDS pocket. My ex lost the goldrn goose (me)Ex wife paid double tithing to increase her wealth

Baliplus, your story teaches a valuable lesson. I agree that this was not your fault.

What's important is that you trust your SELF, moving forward. Try to communicate better with your husband, in the future. You'll probably have to tone down the temptation to blame him, or tell him "I told you so." In other words, be diplomatic with him.

It's a conundrum when the "priesthood holder" is also the breadwinner. I'm not sure if this is the case with you. You might consider going against what the Mormon church teaches its Relief Society sisters, and go out and establish a career of your own!

Follow your instincts. Good luck in the future.

Even in the non-Mormon world, it's how things were done in the old days. My parents were the WWII generation. Dad worked and handled all the financial matters, and mom stayed home. When my father died, my mom was only in her 40s, with no idea how to manage money, pay bills, or make investments. Even worse, she felt that she had little capacity to manage her affairs, even though she was very bright. She eventually grasped the basics, but her failure to learn about investments hurt her for the rest of her life. Even she came to see that she did herself no favors by letting dad handle all of the financial matters.

Non-Mormon women in my generation (middle-to-end of the baby boom,) started to pursue careers and take charge of our financial lives.

The Mormon church is behind the times, and it hurts many women by not helping to empower them.