I was thinking of a list of members' behaviors that probably drive the top church leaders nuts. Here's a list in no particular order. Feel free to add more or create your own list.

1. Believing the words of past prophets over the current ones
2. Studying church history
3. Studying scriptures
4. Questioning their priesthood authority
5. Thinking for themselves
6. Expecting the church to give in to social expectations
7. Loving their children unconditionally

8. Me

9. More than 1 earring per ear

10. Single women not wearing lipstick

This made me laugh hard. Lipstick. The answer to every single woman's problems! Says more about the G.A.s than anything.

5.a. Being informed

11. ExMos being successful and happy.

69.

Bwhahahahahah...nice.

Well this kind of includes local leaders also...

11. Asking a question

12. Not wearing make up / wearing make up / not wearing heels / wearing heels / looking good / looking bad / wearing nice clothes / wearing poor clothes
(take your pick, they like to mix it up)

13. Having normal life problems, and then being open about them
13a. Stating that you’re unhappy
13b. Being happy
13c. Smiling

14. Knowing more than they do about the scriptures
14a. Not reading your scriptures

15. Setting a good example by not being prejudiced in any way
16. Having non mormon friends, unless you bring them to church

17. Being self confident
18. Being quiet and not talkative enough (they take it personally)

19. Saying No
19a. Not answering your phone
19b. Not answering your door, even if you’re out
19c. Being out

20. Having hobbies, interests and your own life
21. Not going to church when on vacation
22. Being too poor to go on vacation
23. Being poor
24. Being richer than them, or improving your life without their help.
25. Doing stuff with your kids, instead of searching for a husband
26. Having kids and no husband, but still being worthy in every other way so they can’t find fault
27. Keeping eye contact
28. Having a firmer handshake than them

29. Being relaxed about your calling
29a. Asking questions about your calling, or asking for help with it.
30. Leaving church early.
31. Going to church for the full three hours but not going back for the social later, or to their house for dinner, because you want to chill (recover).

32. Being honest at temple recommend interview and not being worthy so now they have to discuss that with you
32a. Being honest at temple recommend interview and being worthy, then attending the temple more than they do.
32b. Refusing to attend any interviews.

33. Dating someone in the ward who later marries someone else.
Now they* the bishop and everyone else feels awkward even though you don’t give the slightest damn.
33a. Having to invite said people to dinner to ease the “tension” in the ward, because otherwise all is not well in Zion, and it will lead you to sin.

34. Knowing the answers in Sunday school, especially if you’re a woman, and even more so if you’re a single woman.
34a. Being intelligent if you’re a woman

35. Refusing to go to college because you already have your hands full with working full time, being a parent and following the commandment to find a husband.
35a. Going to college and getting an education, which leads to a good career, especially if you’re a single woman with kids.

36. Not having a car, so that ward members have to be assigned to give you rides.
36a. Not having a car and deciding to walk to church which makes everyone feel guilty and uncomfortable, especially if you turn up wearing flat shoes.
36b. Turning up in a car, especially if you leave on time without having to listen to whatever it is they must say to you.

37. Reporting single priesthood holders for inappropriate behaviour/ unwanted attention.
37a. Not accepting charity, including opened items of used food, and showing your ingratitude.
37b. Needing charity or help.

38. Asking for anything
38a. Not asking for anything and getting on with your life in privacy.


I will likely think of more.....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/05/2019 10:39AM by LJ12.

-Being physically fit and healthy. And/or being attractive.
-Being unwell. Especially if you need help or can’t go to church.
- Turning up at church looking terrible because you are ill

-Sinning
-Not sinning and being perfect.

For some reason *everything* makes mormon priesthood leaders uncomfortable.

Braless well built females

Well, at least they may openly say that such debauchery bothers them...but Utah internet porn stats and STD rates say otherwise. Perhaps it bothers them "not so much" as they say it does.

I think loud laughter at them displeases them.

Dave the Atheist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think loud laughter at them displeases them.

Got that right!

My Dad thought of something funny to share with the bishop after doing a session in the temple. We were in the men's changing/dressing room and the bishop got a big kick out of it. He really got laughing and my Dad joined in (like Red Skelton laughing at his own jokes). And there were brethren standing next to them. "Brothers, your levity is neither appreciated nor welcome. Please refrain from telling jokes in the lord's house." For pete's sake, they weren't even temple workers, but a couple of interlopers that couldn't keep their noses out of other people's business.

I am shocked that leaders would counsel women on how to look attractive. I had no idea that there was encouragement of women to dress a particular way other than modest/conservative attire.

So now I know that while young men were being interviewed about masturbation, young women were counseled to appear more attractive with makeup and heels.

until a new bishop was put in. He asked if I necked and petted. I didn't know what any of them meant. I knew there was something wrong with them, but I didn't know what they were. My sister said he'd pause and glare you down to get you to change your answer. I got to a point I believed masturbation is if you touched yourself at all even if you had an itch.

Then a SP (I've posted this many times) gave a talk at a fireside in the singles ward telling all the women to wear makeup, wear fingernail polish, dress nice, curl our hair. If you looked around the room, the women were almost all dressed well and very well groomed. Most of the guys not so much. Many of them wore leisure suits (this was long after leisure suits were out of fashion), many of them had flood pants that were obviously washed and dried and no crease. Wrinkled shirts, old too short ties, etc. I mean I have to admit that my future husband and several of my friends dressed not so great. My husband did have a nice suit that he wore a lot. I still dress him. I had one very good friend who wore the short pants without creases. He was bald with a comb over, but he was a great friend. My husband when not at church wore K-mart blue light special tennis shoes (and a few other guys in the ward had them, too) and he had old old jeans and wore embroidered jean shirts that his old girlfriend from age 21 had made him (he was 26). I took him shopping to get him some decent clothes.

When the bishop got wind of this talk, he was FURIOUS. The SP had the attitude that the reason we women folk weren't married is because we didn't take care of ourselves. Pickings were slim in the singles ward. I think my friends and I were all just too independent. The bishop told me MANY TIMES he couldn't understand why I, of all the girls in the ward, wasn't married. I had a great job and I earned a lot. I dressed really well. And I am pretty, even overweight and age 62 NOW.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/05/2019 12:47PM by cl2.

Sounds like the bishop was more decent and intelligent, at least compared to the SP. I hope you feel good about yourself now. You deserve to. In retrospect I had far more going for me than I ever realised; I think church leaders and other mormons just mostly reacted badly in various ways to that and it really confused the hell out of me.

As I just shared, leaders constantly gave mixed messages. On the one hand we were supposed to make an effort and dress up, but if you went too far you could be seen as cheap. If you don’t make enough of an effort, I was told my “self image is suffering”.
Thank goodness I live by my own rules now.
They were constantly changing the goal posts.
I remember getting dirty looks either way. And women were either jealous when i (supposedly) looked good, or they were condescending and criticised me when I (supposedly) didn’t look so good. I also shared on another thread about my so called friend who returned to the ward when we were then in our late twenties, and she just looked at me with hatred, especially when I was nice and smiled. Bizarre behaviour.

I forgot about the loud laughter thing. They DEFINITELY hate that. IMO women are frowned on more for that too, it’s seen as cheap behaviour. Although for some people it was acceptable, like the SP’s wife cracking up - well that was seen as adorable of course.

The other thing is, the thing they hate most for men is masturbation, messygoop is right to mention that. They are obsessed with it. I think the leaders you had cl2 were perverts for asking you as a child about that. Luckily I got my daughter out before the interviews started but I am wondering if they definitely always ask girls about this?
In my experience, they did not want to know if I’d done that. I’d just confess it anyway, wish I bloody hadn’t. Opened myself up to spiritual abuse. My bishops I think did not want to HEAR about a woman’s sins. I mean, it is a very wrong situation to discuss that with some bloke, possibly more so when you are female.

They hate masturbation. They hate pornography. They hate gay people.

In fact they go on about these three things so much I’m inclined to believe they doth protest too much.

I believe mormon cult leaders generally have some very serious issues which they just project onto everyone else.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/05/2019 01:15PM by LJ12.

My family and I never fit in. We are the fringe element. Almost all of us are out. Of 6 kids, 4 are out. One of my brothers is intellectually and physically disabled and he still goes. My older sister still goes, but doesn't believe a lot of it. Her husband likes her to go. She doesn't enjoy it. My dad was never that active, but then at the end, told my daughter to keep going to church. He, himself, told me the reasons he questioned mormonism after he knew I'd never go back. I was their most devout child and my sister said they used to argue about whose fault it was I left. My dad was more of an "ancestral" mormon. My mother was not social, oldest daughter of 2 deaf parents, but she went because she believed. She was more accepting of us leaving than my father was for some reason. My mother was fine with me leaving.

My daughter is the only grand/great grandchild who is a mormon. The rest of the bunch are all OUT.

I was going to say mormons treat me better now than they did when I was mormon, but it is more my attitude has changed. I just don't care what they think of me. My daughter likes being the "holy" one in the family. I've had people (I live in the same ward I was active mormon in) tell me my daughter starts her talks with, "My mom has a boyfriend, my dad has a boyfriend . . . " I love that. She lives in this ward as they are taking care of one of her mormon mother's homes while she and her husband are on a mission. I flaunt my life. I want them to KNOW I reject the religion. They are all aware I'm still married to my husband (who lives downstairs) and I have a long-time boyfriend who I met when I was 20. The only reason I don't live with my boyfriend is he is too territorial. My therapist says it is pretty normal at our age to not live with someone we are involved when the relationship started later in life. He says, "If it works, don't change it." We've been together almost 15 years. I don't want to marry ever again. Anyway, the neighbors know I'm this HUGE sinner and I love it. The one thing I can really say about all of this is that the gays we know feel like they have someone to look to for understanding and caring. My nephew's son is gay. The bishop's son 2 doors down is gay. I don't know if his parents know, but my daughter and my husband and I know. He hasn't told us if his parents know. My old friends have a gay son, too. I feel the most important thing is that the gay KNOWS we are there for them.

“I flaunt my life. I want them to KNOW I reject the religion...Anyway, the neighbors know I'm this HUGE sinner and I love it. The one thing I can really say about all of this is that the gays we know feel like they have someone to look to for understanding and caring”

This is actually very moving. I love it.

If you agree with your therapist and you are honestly happiest this way then it’s all good.
I still want to marry, but I’m not obsessed with it and not in any hurry. The most important thing to me is meeting the right person. When I finally find him I will be grateful and cherish him until the day I die.

Not unconditionally following the leaders is a bigger sin than adultery. You would get in less trouble in the church banging the primary president than openly rebelling against the leaders.

Damn. Wish I’d known that at the time.

Wait...no. There was no one bang-able.