Posted by:
exminion
(
)
Date: September 22, 2019 07:48PM
Some good advice is in this thread, and some bad advice.
Some of these posters still think like Mormons, who follow the reality that punishment (fear, pain, threats, electric shock, beatings, withdrawal of love) is a stronger motivator than reward. This is true, but IMO this is playing dirty. These methods harm the individual! Look at what Mormonism did to us!
No, no, no, no, no!
All the advice that is positive and loving is good:
Do get your son checked for possible depression.
Talk to him, rather, LISTEN to him. Get him to talk to you, even though what he is saying is disturbing. Listen with understanding. Understanding his angst is not the same as agreeing with him. There are some good suggestions on things you could say to him in response.
Love your child! You want him to be happy and well-adjusted. Sometimes, too many rules get in the way. For example, my grandchildren seem to need to unwind after school. They are hungry, and we feed them a meal, if necessary, and we are not concerned that it is extra trouble and it is not mealtime. They pile onto the couch in the family room, and play video games, and when they get a little restless, we have them gather around the big table in a brightly-lit kitchen. We sit with them, while they do their homework. They don't like to be isolated in their rooms. We read or work on the laptop, or fold laundry, or cook. We're there to help them, if necessary. When they say, "I hate this," we say, "Let's see...oh, this is a challenge...."
The youngest child would rather join us, than watch TV, and she draws pictures, and has taught herself the letters, and even some math, because she thinks this is family fun. The cat jumps onto the table, sometimes we have snacks. We don't "dis-allow" phonecalls, or distractions, but the oldest kids want to concentrate, and get it over with. They know they can talk to or and play with their friends later.
Maybe we are just lucky. None of us are scholars or geniuses, but the whole family loves learning and reading--it's a positive, not a negative. There's a laid back feeling of acceptance, of "going with the flow", and LOVE. All of my grandchildren get straight A's, with an occasional B. They feel good about their school and their life. My granddaughter was surprised when her school awarded her the math achievement award, for the entire school! What? She was interested in other subjects, not particularly math. Her parents didn't give her an expensive gift, or anything, to make a really big deal about it. My granddaughter didn't think it was that big a deal. She just enjoyed math, and liked doing problems with her mother (who never gave her the answers). She didn't work at it because she was threatened with having privileges taken away, or because she could have an ice cream sundae.
"Just do it", and let it flow, as a part of school life. Make it positive. It does no good to complain about it in front of your child, or to complain about having to do it with your child.