How do you respond to a genuine letter from a family member who really cares (I also care for her)? . In the letter she shares her testimony and love as a family member, including all that "the spirit guided me to write... read the BoM, pray, etc" I was also given the book "Saints" about the church history.
I know this person believes she is actually doing me a favor out of love.

I do really care about this younger member of my family, but I am not really sure if just stating my position now will suffice?

Any thoughts?

I never responded to those. My father used to send me my mother's religious poems hoping to touch me and get me to reactivate. I would tell her she wrote beautifully and leave it at that. I actually found anyone's attempts to "get through to me" offensive but there Was no point making an issue with a TBM--especially the young ones who consider themselves wise and haven't had a few hard knocks in life to find out differently. It was the young ones doing it the most often.

Ignoring it worked out well. Anyone who said anything directly to me got a sharp quick earful with a smile or a blank stare--depending on who it was and my mood at the time.

For me, the message got across and I have had many decades since with good family relations and no more attempts to make me realize my testimony is still there somewhere. Well . . . there's that look in my mother's eye sometimes.

I don't know what would work for you. But for me, I never wanted any relationship badly enough to put up with it--to put up with those who see me as lost and themselves saved. They may believe they care, but it is still an insult. A very Mormon cult insult.

What I did finally say firmly to one persistent TBM was, "Oh, that topic is off the table."

I'm wondering what would happen if you wrote her an equally heartfelt letter about your beliefs.

I mean, don't mention the Mormon church at all. Instead, express to her those things that are dear to your heart. For example, your love for your family, your love of nature, your wonder at the universe, your appreciation for friendships, new technologies, your car, your pets, music--whatever it is that brings you joy! If you still believe in Christ, you can praise His teachings, especially of unconditional, Christ-like love. Write about the Bible. If you have overcome your Mormon prejudices (don't call them that to her), express your appreciation of diversity and other cultures, and ethnic foods, etc.

Start out your letter with something like, "Yes, I also share a testimony for life and love as a family member. You're right--it does bring me great joy." Reflect back the positives that she wrote to you, but do not mention Mormonism at all.

If you are Christian in your beliefs, send her a book by a positive Christian writer, such as CS Lewis "Mere Christianity" or Robert Schuller's book about Christian Love.

If you are Atheist, just don't mention religion at all, and send her a book about Love (not sex) or science or poetry--or whatever YOU keep by your bedside.

Think of anything that puts you and your beloved family member on the same path.

You are fortunate that someone reached out to you. None of my family members did. I would love to have an opportunity to tell Mormons about the happiness that the outside world can bring to one's life.

I do tell my "best" friend when she offends me with saying things like, "your neighbor just wants to share with you the religion she loves." I said to her, "Do you remember who you are talking to?" I was always more devout than this friend was, but now I'm seen as someone who needs to be saved.

My mother's best friend had daughters my age and my older sister's age, and we ran around with them a lot as children and in high school. I haven't had anything to do with either of them in YEARS--like 35 or more years. Their mother had a stroke and a heart attack and my sister suggested I go see her, so I called the daughter. She found out I am no longer mormon and she sent me a big long e-mail calling me back to the light. I let her have it. She felt she had been prompted to send me that letter and that her husband had been called out of town, so she actually had access to the computer that day.

I didn't like her when I was "friends" with her as a kid as it was.

I have my neighbors do things, too, and other ward members. I ignore them for the most part. Next time my next-door neighbors invite me to a ward dinner, I will tell them I no longer believe, that I have resigned, that I didn't like ward activities as a member, why would I go now?

I ran across a "Where will you go?" post from facebook the other day that someone had written. I wish I could access it again and post it here. It might be something you could send her if you could find something good someone said about that talk given a year or 2 ago at conference.

Actually, there are a few theories on the resolution to this dilemma, scholars all over the globe are researching this question, except none at the Lard's University...

I'd just write her back and tell her you love her, too, and nothing else. That is what I'd do.

How about something like,

"Thank you so much for thinking about me. I appreciate that you care to share with me, something that you value. I want you to know that I too am deeply grateful for our relationship and I value your place in my life.

Likewise, I also appreciate the importance that Mormonism is your life. Because I respect you as an individual I also respect that there are things that you value in life. I would never attempt to belittle or denigrate those things in your eyes. I would hope that you can offer the same support and acceptance for my beliefs and values.

If your recent letter was to let me know that I was in your thoughts, then from my heart to yours, thank you.

If it was an attempt to somehow redeem me, or bring me into the Mormon fold, then again thank you for your efforts, but know that I respectfully decline, Going forward let's focus on the good that exists between us in our relationship rather than the areas in which we disagree.

If it was based on a need for you to have a dialogue with me regarding Mormonism and you don't feel our relationship can go on without agreement on this issue, then unfortunately I must tell you that I don't believe you are prepared to have that conversation with me. I have been through a faith transition. I know how painful it is and can be. I would not wish this on you, unless it is something you really want. So if you insist on having this conversation, as your friend, I must warn you that once that door is opened it can never be closed. You will learn things that will shake the very foundations of your belief systems. I know. I have been there. Consider it carefully, before you open that door. The next time you bring it up, I will take that as an invitation to share with you what I now know. It will hurt you. I don't want that.

Sincerely, your friend.

I'd include some reference to 'belief does not truth make.'

Make up some in-law who just converted to Islam and who sent you a letter that was virtually identical to her letter, in terms of the message, but for a totally different religion! What's up with that!!

But of course you don't want to 'insult' the effort that she made, while at the same time, wanting to 'save' her!

Being human is sometimes complicated. Which is why I thank my lucky stars ...

into a paper airplane and fly it into the nearest fire.

"I don't doubt the sincerity of your beliefs."

I just keep talking about their beliefs, until I'm through talking.

I refuse to talk about my beliefs. NO. I don't believe in that.

I did this kind of thing when I was young and a TBM. Of course I cringe now. It was actually hurtful after pouring out my heart when a person I loved gave NO response.

However I do remember a couple of responses that stayed with me u til now, twenty years later:

One woman who was a devout Christian and did t like the Mormons, and looking back I think was wise to it all, was kind enough not to argue or criticise what I said, responded with: “they don’t tell you everything, and I’ve found the Mormons to be deceptive”.

The only reason I completely discounted this statement was because she then shunned me for being mormon.

Another elderly lady (also a christian) introduced me to her muslim colleague, and she said: “you see, we all believe in different things, but we are all on different paths to the same place”. It was the kindest rebuke I’ve had.

The only reason she didn’t get through to me completely was she was rather patronising. I would have preferred it if she’d shut me down sooner, rather than listening - she was judging me the whole time.

You kinda need to judge the situation based on the persons intellect and sensitivity of their heart. It seems nuanced when I look back on it now. Don’t patronise her and be honest, but the intuitive part is knowing how much to say and how to say it. But I would express gratitude if you know she otherwise genuinely loves you.