Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: Recovered Molly Mo ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 01:16PM

My adult daughter came out to me last night.

She handed me a small note attached to a rainbow themed gift that said "I don't believe anyone should HAVE to come out, but I wanted you to know. I love you, your daughter"

I stood up and cried and hugged her a long time. I told her "Baby, I already knew years ago, I just figured you would speak it on your own time".

She beamed and said "Yeah I figured you did, because you felt the need to have that convo with me years ago".

On a road trip, I had my clues that my daughter was not attracted to boys/men and told her that if that was the case, I wanted her to know that I accepted her for no matter what.

She said that gave her the courage to be more open and while it didn't change a thing, because she knows she can trust me and love her no matter what. I was honored. She wanted to share this with me privately and not via a Facebook post.

I have a dozen questions, but told her it was not the time for that, but we are getting together next weekend to express those thoughts on both sides.

I hugged her and kissed her and took her face and said I was always proud to be her Mommy, her Mom and now her friend. That I love her more than life itself and who ever she brought in her life was always welcome in mine.

I am so proud of my daughter for feeling confident in who she is and how she wants to live her life. She said it was because I helped empower her to be her genuine self.

Leaving Mormonism and my dysfunctional married did what I always hoped for my kids. It made them understand that being a part of someone else's rule and dreams was madness.

My heart also aches for her, because I know not all of our family members will understand and accept her. But she feels strong enough to handle it and I told her I have her back because no one messes with my baby..even if she is an adult.

I've always been so proud of my kids and now I have even more reason to shine, because in the face of adversity I have taught them to love themselves and live authentic lives.

I have a lot of racing thoughts, but I wanted to share in a safe place while our family navigates the rest....


Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 01:24PM

Great for sharing these thoughts, RMM;

I hope your DD is also comfortable sharing with her father also, and he is loving regardless.

Dads are/can be good parents also!!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 01:28PM

If you were trying to make my eyes moist and put a lump in my throat, it worked.

What you have done is what I would wish for every one.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: angela ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 01:43PM

Now that is what love, real love, is really about....You should be proud of yourself, as well

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 02:38PM

That’s beautiful, but if kids aren’t held to arbitrary worthiness standards, what’s next? Independent thinking?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 02:43PM

I'm weeping right now. You are a fine woman and a fine mother.

Your daughter is as fortunate to have you as you are to have her.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Coke is Real ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 03:01PM

Why do (ex-)Mormons think weeping signals happiness? It's supposed to signal grief. I would weep if she was a *bad* mother, not a good one.

I lost the habit long ago. I used to be able to turn the faucets on at will. Not anymore. My "gentile" coworkers never understood why I did this when I was supposed to be happy. Eventually I worked out it was a Mormon thing.

I was grinning as I read this. I thought of all the possibilities.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 03:27PM

Count me in the 'Yippee!' column upon reading this news...

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 04:34PM

> Why do (ex-)Mormons think weeping signals
> happiness?

I'm not sure anyone said that. I, for one, was describing my physical reaction to the story, not what the reaction meant.

> It's supposed to signal grief.

It seems as if you, not we, are the one claiming that certain physiological responses must normatively arise from pre-defined emotions. And aren't you objectively incorrect? Look up the idiom "weep for joy" and see if your views are either psychologically or experientially valid.

> I would
> weep if she was a *bad* mother, not a good one.

And your reaction would be perfectly natural, as is true of ours.

> I lost the habit long ago.


> I used to be able to
> turn the faucets on at will. Not anymore. My
> "gentile" coworkers never understood why I did
> this when I was supposed to be happy. Eventually I
> worked out it was a Mormon thing.

Well, you reached an illogical conclusion.

> I was grinning as I read this. I thought of all
> the possibilities.

Apparently you failed to think of two possibilities: 1) that people experience emotions differently; and 2) that weeping for joy is more than a Mormon phenomenon.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 02:47PM

I'm proud of you and your daughter. Thank you.

When I think of the ones who don't have love and acceptance, it breaks my heart. My brother in law was rejected by his mother because he was gay. It was devastating for him and so unnecessary.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Tevai ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 03:05PM

I have tears in my eyes, too.

Very well done, RMM.

I am so glad for both of you, that you have each other.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Greyfort ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 04:41PM

Thank goodness we now live in a time when a reaction like this can happen.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 05:02PM

Thanks for sharing with us. I'm happy for you. An affirmation like that can sure make a parent feel good.

Did all your children find their way out of LDS, Inc? Sounds like it.

I already feel bad that I may have encouraged someone at sometime to join LDS, Inc. but I hope not. That would be my only regret in life. I was a rotten missionary and proud of it now.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: summer ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 07:06PM

It's lovely that you have such a good, strong relationship with your daughter, and that she feels safe enough to trust you with such an important truth. It's a win for everyone. :)

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Bite Me ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 11:32PM

I love this so much!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: catnip ( )
Date: October 12, 2019 11:55PM

This is beautiful on so many levels!

We live in a time when it is OK to be gay.

While you may have belonged to a toxic church at one time, you are free of it now, and are able to love your daughter for who she is.

She loves and trusts you so much that she can confide the truth about herself to you, and knows that you love her every bit as much.

Thank you for sharing. This is what effective parenting looks like, as I see it.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: ontheDownLow ( )
Date: October 13, 2019 02:35AM


You done REAL good! I have two twin daughters, not identical, but I think about if they come out. I have already in my mind know I will love them unconditionally. I look like the quintessential peter priesthood too lol. I love my babies no matter what. Nothing will change that.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Screen Name ( )
Date: October 13, 2019 03:55PM

In just a few short years the words 'normal' and 'heterosexual' will only be found in faded old dictionaries, covered with dust and ignored, along with the strict humans that used to rule the world with purity and righteousness.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: October 15, 2019 07:59AM

You handled that beautifully RMM. Your daughter is lucky to have such a wise mother.

Tom in Paris

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: October 15, 2019 11:53AM

Welcome to the club.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: shannonnli ( )
Date: October 16, 2019 09:49PM

Yes, welcome to the club. My daughter formally came out as bi-sexual on social media recently. (Gotta love 'em!)

I remember you. Aren't our daughters the lucky ones? The ones who were NOT raised in the church, The ones who were allowed to discover their own authentic selves?

We are one generation out of the church and the landscape for women has changed. Strong, independent, loving women are emerging....

With love to you & your daughter,

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: NoTo Joe (unregistered) ( )
Date: October 18, 2019 10:38PM

Thanks for sharing. I glad she had such a supportive parent that she can count on.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In

Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
  ******   **     **  **         *******   ******** 
 **    **   **   **   **        **     **     **    
 **          ** **    **        **     **     **    
 **           ***     **         ********     **    
 **          ** **    **               **     **    
 **    **   **   **   **        **     **     **    
  ******   **     **  ********   *******      **