Posted by:
exminion
(
)
Date: October 15, 2019 04:08PM
No, no, no, Elder Barry, your SIL is NOT nice!
Lj12, your brother and SIL are NOT nice!
I went into therapy because of all this, too, and one important thing I learned is to not buy into my dysfunctional Mormon family members' "nice" act! In order to deal with people like this, you need to see the reality of who they are. You are describing people who are "not trustworthy," who talk behind your back, who make up lies about you, who try to negate your good qualities, who even try to turn your own spouse (and other family members) against you, in some sort of "Us vs Them" battle.
This is not even nice behavior. Not kind. Not polite. Not honest. Their motives are to manipulate, grab more family love for themselves, maybe even grab money. Mormons feel like there's not enough of anything to go around, so they must grab as much as they can off of others. Maybe they're right--there's never much unconditional love in these Mormon families, never enough money for the greedy cult and the too-many children, never enough wives (the men want polygamy in their heaven) never enough praise, because no one ever gives it, never enough achievement, never any appreciation.... Sorry to ramble, but the Mormon emotional deprivation never ends, and the scars run deep.
Even if we reach some level of understanding, there is no reason we must accept this kind of treatment from other. You don't want these idiots to treat your children that way, would you? Actually, it was when this kind of jealousy and nastiness (plus worse physical abuse) spewed out by certain family members began to splash onto my innocent children, I had to terminate a few of the relationships. I told everyone--to their face specifically why--I wanted no contact, too. The facts of what the family abusers did to me and my children upset my parents, who hold the purse strings, so now we get flowery birthday and Christmas cards, dripping with abject requests for "forgiveness." Never, has anyone apologized outright, or even admitted to actually doing anything bad to us.
My therapist had to almost shout at me, over and over, concerning my abusive TBM brother "He doesn't love you! He never did love you!" (My brother could bear a powerful, tearful testimony, though,, and manipulate sympathy from my parents.
Oh, I'm so glad to be out of all those lies, manipulative games, and phony performances!
?--I wonder--why are we so afraid of offending offensive people?
Want2bx wrote: "I was recently asked by a ward member if I could set aside my selfishness and attend church with my TBM husband." In a normal situation, or even a work situation, the response "You are judging me "Selfish", and I am NOT. You don't know anything about my marriage and our private life." What if a child called you selfish? Would you tolerate that? I'm guilty of letting Mormons get away with saying all kinds of mean things, and I come with responses ½ hour after the confrontation is over. Fanatics don't converse; they confront.
?--Why is Lj12 so afraid of someone reading the posts on RFM--those posts are something to be proud of!
--Elder Berry, why are you going to Utah for Christmas? (I hope you plan to enjoy the scenic beauty, and maybe ski or play in the snow.)