ME: Former Mormon, married to abusive ex for 18+ year, 10 years later he worked on himself, apologized, mellowed out and became half way decent person.

I would not say we are close friends, but it is nice we can get along for the sake of our adult kids and spend time with them.

My ex has an elderly man living with him with complicated health issues. The man is not mentally well either and has delusions of LDS grandeur. I have often caught him and my ex bickering over stupid stuff. Its rather funny actually.

I was over briefly at the exes house today and we are having a casual convo about our kids. The roommate likes to eavesdrop on these convos a lot and I decided to tell the ex that if we keep having "company" than we will have to chat elsewhere. He mentions they argue a lot.

My kids tell me that their Dad has arguments with the roommate when kids are having dinner with the ex. The roommate always wants to know everyone's plans..that do NOT include him.

In a moment of privacy, I told my ex that his room mate acts more like a wife than a roommate and I heard there have been arguments like "an old married couple".

He says "Oh they wouldn't even know that that is like".
I laughed, "While things are different now, clearly you forgot 18 years of an unhappy marriage. Are you really saying your adult kids have no clue what that looks and sounds like? You might want to ask them how (roommates name) keeps involving himself on family plans or have plans else where".

The moment made me feel very free.

I got to go home to my nice clean, clutter free home. (During my marriage the ex complained about clutter and dirt. That all went away when he moved out. When I had full custody of our kids my home was clean and orderly. It still is.

My finances are in good order. I had a few rough years while the ex refused all child support (I refused any spousal support. I took care of myself, but $ for the kids was always a power struggle while someone took himself on lavish vacations)
I made some good investments and they are paying off.

I have great relationship with my adult kids. The Ex has greatly improved his and IM grateful and happy about it. But I never had to repair the damage of a broken relationship and raised two lovely people on my own that are adulting beautifully.

I am healthier and happier than I have been in decades. I haven't taken antidepressants in 10 years. Turns out I wasn't depressed. I was married to an A-hole.

The ex seems exhausted all the time. I asked him if he was ok and he said he was just "out and about all the time".

He has a very active social life, but at home he is a hoarder. The kids tell me he is on Christian only dating sites looking for an LDS gf who is Pro Trump. He gets turned down more for being Pro Trump than LDS. FUNNIEST THING EVER.

I really hope my ex is happy someday, but I find it very bittersweet that he had a loving, warm home, with a wife that took care of him in EVERY WAY. Yes every way imaginable ;) I was a great wife. BUT, I walked away from Mormonism and close mindedness and he rejected our marriage immediately. Love was never part of our marriage. It was pure business.

I raised two amazing people. I now have a career Im great at. Im still attractive, smart, kind and adventurous. I feel more alive than I did 20 years ago. Im alone, but not lonely. I dont every feel like I have to have a man in my life, but Im open to the future as long as its mutually happy and alive with love.

He gave up all that to live with a bitter old man who wants to manage his every action and thought.

Yeah, clearly my kids and I are the real winners here:)

RMM

Nice, very nice.

All too many people ignore the enduring truth that exists in the simple verbal equation, “Actions have consequences.”

Dreams are usually without consequences.

Hopes are often without consequences.

Plans alone don’t create consequences.


I am glad and happy to read your report. I will raise a can of Diet Coke to toast you, along with those I hold in my heart, that you and we will remain the authors of our continued satisfaction.

Found out I didn't. I didn't have the same outcome as you. I have a son who is still working on finding his way after a bad marriage. He is brilliant at computers, but is afraid to put himself out there. He just needs to apply for the jobs!!! He does have a job and he is paid better than I was paid when I had to go out and find a job last fall. The owners love him and consider him a son, so he earns money.

My "ex" actually lives here. He doesn't dare act like he did as a husband as he knows I'll kick him out if he does. Lives downstairs and I'm upstairs with my son. I held onto the house, not because I wanted to, but because he didn't want to sell and the kids wanted to stay. I hated this house for many years. Now I love it and I'm glad I hung on. It is worth at this time 6 times what we paid for it. My "ex" pays all the bills to be able to live here and so I won't take half his pension. My ex and his kids get along for the most part--my TBM daughter gets along with him better than our son does, but my son and his father are closer, which is why they butt heads.

I do have a boyfriend of 15 years, but boy relationships are A LOT OF WORK! I won't live with him (tried it for a short time), I won't combine incomes, I won't marry him. It works better than way.

I had a really good job until last fall. Now I'm back doing the same job, but for less money, but I am on SS now, and I have no bills . . .

I do know that what they taught me in the lds church about what I should want out of life was a lie.

And P.S., what child support? No spousal support either. He was so supportive.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 10/27/2019 12:41PM by cl2.

Try 56 years of marriage to the wrong person

Recovered Molly Mo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ME: Former Mormon, married to abusive ex for 18+
> year, 10 years later he worked on himself,
> apologized, mellowed out and became half way
> decent person.
>
> I would not say we are close friends, but it is
> nice we can get along for the sake of our adult
> kids and spend time with them.
>
> My ex has an elderly man living with him with
> complicated health issues. The man is not mentally
> well either and has delusions of LDS grandeur. I
> have often caught him and my ex bickering over
> stupid stuff. Its rather funny actually.
>
> I was over briefly at the exes house today and we
> are having a casual convo about our kids. The
> roommate likes to eavesdrop on these convos a lot
> and I decided to tell the ex that if we keep
> having "company" than we will have to chat
> elsewhere. He mentions they argue a lot.
>
> My kids tell me that their Dad has arguments with
> the roommate when kids are having dinner with the
> ex. The roommate always wants to know everyone's
> plans..that do NOT include him.
>
> In a moment of privacy, I told my ex that his room
> mate acts more like a wife than a roommate and I
> heard there have been arguments like "an old
> married couple".
>
> He says "Oh they wouldn't even know that that is
> like".
> I laughed, "While things are different now,
> clearly you forgot 18 years of an unhappy
> marriage. Are you really saying your adult kids
> have no clue what that looks and sounds like? You
> might want to ask them how (roommates name) keeps
> involving himself on family plans or have plans
> else where".
>
> The moment made me feel very free.
>
> I got to go home to my nice clean, clutter free
> home. (During my marriage the ex complained about
> clutter and dirt. That all went away when he moved
> out. When I had full custody of our kids my home
> was clean and orderly. It still is.
>
> My finances are in good order. I had a few rough
> years while the ex refused all child support (I
> refused any spousal support. I took care of
> myself, but $ for the kids was always a power
> struggle while someone took himself on lavish
> vacations)
> I made some good investments and they are paying
> off.
>
> I have great relationship with my adult kids. The
> Ex has greatly improved his and IM grateful and
> happy about it. But I never had to repair the
> damage of a broken relationship and raised two
> lovely people on my own that are adulting
> beautifully.
>
> I am healthier and happier than I have been in
> decades. I haven't taken antidepressants in 10
> years. Turns out I wasn't depressed. I was married
> to an A-hole.
>
> The ex seems exhausted all the time. I asked him
> if he was ok and he said he was just "out and
> about all the time".
>
> He has a very active social life, but at home he
> is a hoarder. The kids tell me he is on Christian
> only dating sites looking for an LDS gf who is Pro
> Trump. He gets turned down more for being Pro
> Trump than LDS. FUNNIEST THING EVER.
>
> I really hope my ex is happy someday, but I find
> it very bittersweet that he had a loving, warm
> home, with a wife that took care of him in EVERY
> WAY. Yes every way imaginable ;) I was a great
> wife. BUT, I walked away from Mormonism and close
> mindedness and he rejected our marriage
> immediately. Love was never part of our marriage.
> It was pure business.
>
> I raised two amazing people. I now have a career
> Im great at. Im still attractive, smart, kind and
> adventurous. I feel more alive than I did 20 years
> ago. Im alone, but not lonely. I dont every feel
> like I have to have a man in my life, but Im open
> to the future as long as its mutually happy and
> alive with love.
>
> He gave up all that to live with a bitter old man
> who wants to manage his every action and thought.
>
>
> Yeah, clearly my kids and I are the real winners
> here:)
>
> RMM

It sounds like you are living your best life. :) Congratulations on making it on your own.

Being happy is THE BEST revenge :)

I love your story, Recovered Molly Mo! It makes me so happy to read it!

I can't believe your ex gave up his great family life, just for the cult--what a fool! He's still living the life of a fool, allowing himself to be bullied by his roommate and by the Mormon cult. Your husband might be more than "exhausted". He might be depressed. Mormonism does that to you, especially if you are single.

The Mormons in your ex's life are probably pushing him to get married. Aren't you glad that you don't have that unnecessary added stress in your life! He chose the cult, and he's living with it, and with an arrogant Mormon roommate. He has the worst of the world you left behind, and you took the best with you.

For your children's sake, I'm glad your children's relationships with their father have improved, but I wonder if the credit belongs to your wonderful children. My children turned out great, also, and they chose to try to keep contact with their father, who completely abandoned them emotionally, financially, and physically, and didn't see them or contact them at all for the first 5 years after he ran off. He was becoming more and more abusive, the longer we were married. He continues to treat our children like dirt, and also our grandchildren. My adult children did not take their kids to California to see him this summer, like they usually do. Your ex and his roommate don't seem to be much fun to be around, either, so don't be surprised if your children want to see him less and less, as that would be natural.

I'm glad you came out of your marriage with some self-esteem left. You understand that you were not to blame for your ex's craziness. I was not so fortunate. My ex blamed me and our children and the US Government and the Mormon church and the Lutheran church and our neighbors, and everybody else, but himself. I had to go to a therapist, I felt like such a looser. The truth was that my husband had been cheating on me since the first week of our marriage, and I did not have a clue. Well, when my ex would call me "gullible", he was right about that.

It was just like you said--the happy, successful children, the well-kept house and yard, the smooth-running life was all me! I laughed when you wrote that all the clutter and dirt went away when your ex moved out! LOL! My ex's formerly-nice house by the beach is now so filthy that my kids don't like taking their children into it, even for a short time. They meet at a restaurant, instead. My ex and his woman live with 5 dogs, all not house-trained. Instead of stepping up and helping support his children, he gambled away a lot of his money, and he is losing his house. The buyers will tear down the house completely. The kids and I worked hard to maintain our house, which I bought myself, and we have made some nice upgrades. My children now own their own homes, nearby, and they have put their home-improvement skills to work on those, also.

An accurate parallel can be drawn between the care of our houses and our lives.

I wonder if our ex's had a destiny to fulfill--to become true to the grumpy slobs that they always were. Maybe they knew they were losers, and that's why they always accused everyone else of being losers. I'm so glad my children got away from that, before they became teen-agers, or my ex might have done even more damage to them. All's well that ends well.

Hm-m-m. My ex is a Trump-supporter, too.