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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 06:35PM

For Saucie: Me! (yeah, I know, boooorrrrriiiinnnnggg)

For Lot's wife: a comfier bra

For Done & Done: a ticket to Funky-Town

For the Lethbridge Reprobate: a fully automatic, voice-activated clay-target thrower

For ookami: a six-pack of Chutzpah

For Catnip: Todo lo que tu deseas, mi amigita

For ziller: a bottle of stripper-pole degreasing spray

For Beth: an assortment of fertile duck eggs to bond with as she sits on them this winter

For Concrete Zipper: A book on how to judge contests and a calendar

For Don Bagley: Good times!

For Nightengale: Six free Catechism lessons

For Praydude: A free weekend at the Gaslight Motel in Fremont, CA

For Bobofitz: a dozen Precept 'wee lassie' golf balls, designed for the 'dainty' driver in every man

For Dave the atheist: A free train ride to Heaven

For Messygoop: Freedom of religion

For Kori/SchrodingersCat: An empty box ...

For Twinker: a Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass

For Summer: A custom-fitted birch 'board of education'

For RichardtheBad: a subscription to informative daily emails from the Science section of the Daily Mail

For GNPE: An Abercrombie & Fitch 'peekaboo' loincloth

For Topper: An arrow that always points up

For caffiend: A Monarch typewriter, like P.G. Wodehouse used, onto which he loaded a 100' roll of paper so he could type for a week without stopping.

For Tevai: A Holy Grail tea set, with a Chabad tea cozy

For Wally Prince: a scale of humor calibrator, with an 'over-the-top' alarm

For 6 iron: a season pass to all the 2020 Hermosillo Hornets hockey games

For MeMikeYouNot: Less patience, more outrage

For Susan I/S: another year of bear necessities

Elder Berry: ... who?

Human & Henry Bemis: Matching golf sweaters

For the Desertrat: two 36 exposure rolls of ektachrome E100 35mm film

For Erik K: A great run to the Finnish line!

Desertwoman: A green $25 Thunderbird Hotel casino chip

For Judic West: Get a life, you freeloader!!!!

For Judy Quest: Absence makes your fish a flounder

For Jordan: the gift of Wonderment! The acceptance of ignorance



I apologize for not making up something for each of you. Once I got interrupted by a call to nature, then I had a bite to eat, then I got up to do something but forgot what it was and wandered for a bit, and now I'm going to take a nap...

I am heartily grateful to say that since about the first week in October I absolutely and resolutely enjoy all of you here, even Jordan, because he is absolutely no skin off my nose.

to all of you: May the Bird of Festivus lay the egg of happiness in the bosom of your navel in 2020.

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Posted by: Jordan-"air" ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 06:50PM

And no, I'm not the real Jordan, but only a pale shadow.

;+[

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Posted by: Ineffable B*tch ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 10:03PM

Hey watch it, caffiend. LW is my sock puppet, not the other way around.

And that EOD character? We don't know him from Mahonri Moriancumer!

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Posted by: caffiend ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 10:26PM

I was NOT on the board at 6:50 tonight, and I have a perfect alibi: I was elsewhere, silencing Jeffrey Epstein's killer (my holiday gift to WJC).

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: December 25, 2019 03:28AM

Hey, it was a good joke and sly. So if I were you, I'd take credit and run!

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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 08:38PM

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> For Saucie: Me! (yeah, I know,
> boooorrrrriiiinnnnggg)
>
> For Lot's wife: a comfier bra
>
> For Done & Done: a ticket to Funky-Town
>
> For the Lethbridge Reprobate: a fully automatic,
> voice-activated clay-target thrower
>
> For ookami: a six-pack of Chutzpah
>
> For Catnip: Todo lo que tu deseas, mi amigita
>
> For ziller: a bottle of stripper-pole degreasing
> spray
>
> For Beth: an assortment of fertile duck eggs to
> bond with as she sits on them this winter
>
> For Concrete Zipper: A book on how to judge
> contests and a calendar
>
> For Don Bagley: Good times!
>
> For Nightengale: Six free Catechism lessons
>
> For Praydude: A free weekend at the Gaslight Motel
> in Fremont, CA
>
> For Bobofitz: a dozen Precept 'wee lassie' golf
> balls, designed for the 'dainty' driver in every
> man
>
> For Dave the atheist: A free train ride to
> Heaven
>
> For Messygoop: Freedom of religion
>
> For Kori/SchrodingersCat: An empty box ...
>
> For Twinker: a Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass
>
> For Summer: A custom-fitted birch 'board of
> education'
>
> For RichardtheBad: a subscription to informative
> daily emails from the Science section of the Daily
> Mail
>
> For GNPE: An Abercrombie & Fitch 'peekaboo'
> loincloth
>
> For Topper: An arrow that always points up
>
> For caffiend: A Monarch typewriter, like P.G.
> Wodehouse used, onto which he loaded a 100' roll
> of paper so he could type for a week without
> stopping.
>
> For Tevai: A Holy Grail tea set, with a Chabad
> tea cozy
>
> For Wally Prince: a scale of humor calibrator,
> with an 'over-the-top' alarm
>
> For 6 iron: a season pass to all the 2020
> Hermosillo Hornets hockey games
>
> For MeMikeYouNot: Less patience, more outrage
>
> For Susan I/S: another year of bear necessities
>
> Elder Berry: ... who?
>
> Human & Henry Bemis: Matching golf sweaters
>
> For the Desertrat: two 36 exposure rolls of
> ektachrome E100 35mm film
>
> For Erik K: A great run to the Finnish line!
>
> Desertwoman: A green $25 Thunderbird Hotel casino
> chip
>
> For Judic West: Get a life, you freeloader!!!!
>
> For Judy Quest: Absence makes your fish a
> flounder
>
> For Jordan: the gift of Wonderment! The
> acceptance of ignorance
>
>
>
> I apologize for not making up something for each
> of you. Once I got interrupted by a call to
> nature, then I had a bite to eat, then I got up to
> do something but forgot what it was and wandered
> for a bit, and now I'm going to take a nap...
>
> I am heartily grateful to say that since about the
> first week in October I absolutely and resolutely
> enjoy all of you here, even Jordan, because he is
> absolutely no skin off my nose.
>
> to all of you: May the Bird of Festivus lay the
> egg of happiness in the bosom of your navel in
> 2020.


I get Elderolddog.... He puts christmas in my heart every day.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: December 26, 2019 12:07AM

Thanks Saucie....so thoughtful....what I actually did get for Christmas was having my kids here...nothing can top that.

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Posted by: Ineffable B*tch ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 10:10PM

Nicely done, EOD!

And for you, the board has taken up a collection and purchased a lifetime pass to Taco Bell.

Enjoy it in good health!









*Valid at participating Taco Bell restaurants. Conditions may apply.

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Posted by: Topper ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 10:46PM

Oh, goody, I get to open one of my gifts on Christmas Eve! How did you know that it's just what I always wanted?

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 10:47PM

Does ineffable mean the same as not effable ?
Asking for a friend.

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Posted by: caffiend ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 10:53PM

And now, even more so, with her new WonderBra. --the misGivingsFiend

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: December 25, 2019 03:34AM

> Does ineffable mean the same as not effable ?

Close but no cigar. A cousin on the board once called Lot's Wife an "effing bitch," which seemed a typo or two away from the truth. Thus was born Ineffable B*tch.

As for your surmise, the answer probably lies in each individual's preferences!

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 25, 2019 11:57PM

combustible & incombustible

flammable & inflammable

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Posted by: Beth ( )
Date: December 24, 2019 11:15PM


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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: December 25, 2019 08:05PM


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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: December 25, 2019 08:27PM

I'd trade my new bra for your new ducks if you throw in a cook book.

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Posted by: celeste ( )
Date: December 25, 2019 11:09PM

So Santa Old Dog is skipping my house again I see. Lol.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: December 25, 2019 11:35PM

I knew I was running a risk. Words can be playthings as well as be tools, and they can be soft, or have sharp edges...

I probably should have remained silent. But I have a lot of love to give, and it kind of is that time of year. I care about all of you.

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Posted by: bobofitz ( )
Date: December 26, 2019 10:56PM

Thanks for the thought. I haven’t lost my balls just yet, but when I do it’s nice to know I’ll have some spares to fall back on. Have a good 2020.

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Posted by: desertwoman ( )
Date: January 09, 2020 06:59PM

EOD,

Thank you for remembering me and for the green $25 Thunderbird Hotel casino chip. I apologize for being very late in replying because of a whole lot o' long story stuff that came up in December that occupied my time and thoughts, culminating in the assembling of a shed (My "Little House") in My Hot Man's backyard. We're in our late 60s, so we're entirely worn out from the assembly process which took nearly a week. Needless to say, we gots more to do, so, unfortunately, I may miss a lot more of RfM, which I hate missing. Tell your Saucie we appreciate the two o' you.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 25, 2019 11:55PM

RELAX, I've got my dibs in on the $100 B

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: December 25, 2019 11:59PM

But it was appropriate enough, as I've always favored over-the-top humor over under-the-bottom humor. Butt I'm not above under-the-bottom humor whenever random flatulence is involved.

I've been wondering what would be a good gift for an old dog who already has everything.

Then it occurred to me that a dog can never have too many chew toys, so I've prepared a gift basket full of the following chew toys for you:

The Nelson chew toy. When you squeeze it once, it squeaks out "I'm not a Mormon!". If you squeeze it twice in rapid succession, it squeaks out: "Take your vitamins!"

An Ensign Peak chew toy. Bite it and it squeaks out: "100 billion dog biscuits for me!"

An Eyring chew toy: Bite it and it says: "Nepotism!"

An Oaks chew toy: Squeeze it and it squeaks out: "Salamanders are sacred!"

All of the above, plus as a special bonus, a set of used temple garments to chew on.

The gift basket will be going out by UPS (Unjustified Prophet Sustainage) soon. It'll be the best Christmas ever!

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 26, 2019 12:01AM

may I PLEASE trade in your loincloth for a Kilt?


I don't wish to be persona non grata in the high & mighty snobbish social circles I'm used to circulating in-with, ya know...

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: December 26, 2019 12:10AM

Thanks EOD...you rock! I had my kids and grandkids here...can't top that

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Posted by: catnip ( )
Date: December 26, 2019 01:36AM

¡Mil gracias, 'mano!

I did, indeed, get everything I wanted: a quiet day spent with the guy I love, and the evening before that, a marvelous visit with my son and my granddaughters!

Son actually felt pretty awful, as he usually does, after dialysis, but even his less-than-usually-ebullient presence was a gift. He is surviving the hereditary renal failure that killed his grandfather when I was only 15. Back then, nothing could be done.

But I still have my boy, and as always, it was a treat to wrap my arms around him, and his daughters.

Anything else - besides the people and cats that I love - is pocket change.

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Posted by: scmd1 ( )
Date: December 26, 2019 01:41AM

EOD, even though I wasn't a gift recipient, I am giving you my dad's "The Lamanite Generation" (featuring such gems as "Navajo Baby and "Go My Son") record as soon as I can steal it from him.

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Posted by: caffiend ( )
Date: December 26, 2019 11:05PM

Sand, metaphysical, particle, or particleboard?

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Posted by: Mother Who Knows ( )
Date: December 27, 2019 01:59AM

And I...get...left out.

Shades of Mormon marginalization from the couples world. I feel a PTSD attack being triggered...no, false alarm.

Thank God, my life has been fast-forwarded out of Mormonism and is now almost into 2020!

'Tis the season to avoid people who brag about their lovers. There are certain Christmas letters and e-mails I don't open until after New Year's, and I open them at the office, along with the bills. Happiness is worth preserving.

Happy Holidays to all you single people out there!

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Posted by: caffiend ( )
Date: December 27, 2019 02:03AM

Plus health and financial security...all that.

Please don't get offended by EOD's list. So many regulars, nobody could manage a complete list. (Incidentally, I know him, very casually, off-board.)

I was very touched by your posting to Beth. You have, and deserve, a lot to offer.

Cheers!

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Posted by: Mother Who Knows ( )
Date: December 27, 2019 02:38AM

You are sweet, caffiend. I was just kidding about not being included, as most of RFM was excluded, also. It was a joke. But it wasn't a joke at the time I was marginalized and shunned. It really hurt at first.

I don't have anything against lovers--how wonderful they are in the world, to balance out a lot of the bad stuff! Mothers certainly are lovers! Sometimes, I wish the sex partners would get a room, that's all.

It's just my PTSD talking. Avoidance is how I stay happy during Christmas, and New Year's Eve, and Valentine's Day. It's my preference, just like we all have different tastes in music. There are some songs I prefer not to listen to, just because of bad memories, and there's nothing wrong with the song.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: January 09, 2020 09:29PM

when with my cheating husband as they all loved him. I could pass as mormon royalty then. He still is mormon royalty. I'm the fringe element.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 09, 2020 09:55PM

... I want to see THIS MOVIE!!!!

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Posted by: caffiend ( )
Date: January 09, 2020 11:07PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss1CXo8QMi8

(Beth will appreciate the ducks.)

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