Posted by:
ptbarnum
(
)
Date: December 28, 2019 11:42PM
Sorry that this happened to you. This is a classic example of a gaslighting game my therapy group calls "Gotcha". People will use a tangential hot button issue - usually something really polarizing, their own pet issue that they never shut up about, or whatever thing that they know drives you nuts, They will push, and push, follow you through the house, talk at you through a closed door, guilt trip you, goad you, walk right over the dozens of stop signals you give off with body or even verbal language, maybe even play nice for a bit and promise you that they really do want to see your point of view and have a really deep discussion, but they're lying.
So you either take the mean bait and clap back at them, or you take the nice bait, and open up, trying to make a real connection.
Either way, the person pounces...Gotcha! Then they deliver the real payload, all the criticism and hurtful things they've been storing up centered on a whatever it is about you that makes you individual. Whatever choice you've dared to make without asking their almighty permission. They insist that you brought it all on yourself. They conveniently overlook that they're the ones who corralled and coerced you into the situation.
People who play Gotcha are people who are itching to fight, just like the others have said, but they're too cowardly to outright confront you. They have to creep around you sideways, always going for the sucker punch.
I hate that game. Mormons are really good at it. I think that's because the cult gaslights it's members with games of Gotcha all the time. Gotcha on what you thought, I don't know we teach that. Gotcha on tithing, it's never enough. Gotcha on parenting, on your sex life, on church history. Gotcha, you are a terrible unworthy person but as long as you're one of us you're better than everyone who isn't even though you still horribly suck.
I don't play Gotcha anymore because I cut off contact with the person who hurt me most, and with other people that try, once I see we're setting up a Gotcha situation, I just ruin all their pre-attack fun by blowing the charges early. I'll say, "You're in a really sh-- mood. What's your malfunction?" Or, "Could you please stop fiddlef--king around and spit out whatever it is you're trying to say? I have sh-- to do. No? Well then, change the subject, I'm not in the mood."
Actually I only do that about 10% of the time. Mostly I just leave, or hang up the phone.
It was nice of you to tell him you love him and that you'll be there for him if he wakes up about the cult. You really do wear the badge of courage. This situation is not about you, you can't fix it, you didn't start it. TBMs gonna TBM. This cult breaks families. They are missing out on having you be a full part of their lives, and it's their own foolish fault.