Posted by:
Mother Who Knows
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Date: January 29, 2020 04:26PM
Thanks for this thread, Anybody.
You can be anybody you want to be!
A lot of my angst about no longer "fitting in" with Mormonism came from Mormon brainwashing, which teaches that Mormons should be extroverts. "Every member a missionary-- so get out there and recruit lots of friends!"
Mormon pushes obedience and conformity as paramount in importance. Also, appearance is everything!
After we resigned, I endured about three years of shunning by Mormon family and Mormon former friends--which hurt me so much I cried sometimes--until I realized that there were different ways of looking at things. Who says I have to "fit into the modern contemporary world", in the first place?
No one does! (Except to obey the laws of the land and do no harm, and follow the Golden Rule, etc.). Certainly, it is interesting and probably wise to learn all we can about the world, but we don't have to jump into every puddle in the road to find out how muddy it is.
I hear so many people say, "I didn't belong there, I felt uncomfortable in that situation, I feel alone in a crowd," and many similar statements of not fitting in, exactly. No one does fit a mold exactly. We're all part of the Human Race, and living on the same planet, and that should be enough to fit in. Usually, someone is gaslighting you, to deliberately give you that awkward feeling. The Mormon cult is an expert at this.
Who has been "annointed" to define which group or society you need to fit into, in the first place? After leaving the cult, I tried (and studied) different religions, joined groups with many different interests, but never fit perfectly into any of them. I skirt on the fringes of a book club, when they're reading a book that interests me, I play tennis with tennis buddies if the weather is nice, I love my work colleagues, but see only a handful of them outside of work. I'm 100% dedicated to my family, and 100% to four close friends since childhood, who went to BYU together, and were each other's bridesmaids. I don't miss the shunning, fake Mormon friends. To realize that happiness and love and success are not contingent on fitting any mold--that is so freeing!
Look at all of the facets that make you a unique invidual. I found most Mormons, as a group, to lack respect for individuality, individual rights, curiousity, creativity, humor, personality, or differences of any kind. I had to leave that cult, in order to find my true self--sorry to be so trite--and even now, that self is constantly growing and adapting, or at least trying to. People change so much, from hour to year, year to year--how can you love an individual without accepting changes?
The world is changing rapidly all around us. If we have children, they become the center of our universe, for a while, because they need us for their survival, but they grow up and eventually leave us. Spouses come and go, at least in my case. We lose our old parents. We change jobs and retire. Friends move away. We need an inner core of being that belongs to just us, and is inviolate. Some people cling to religion or Jesus, but I cling to my own self.
I focused on my famiy, and the Mormons criticized me for not putting the cult and my callings first. I'm so glad I didn't listen to them, because my children were loved, and they turned out well! After the kids' father left me for another woman, and quit working, I went to work, to support my children, and the Mormons told me to stay home with the children and go on welfare, and quickly find another temple husband. After fulfilling a calling in the regional singles for two years (It was the worst), I quit that calling, and the Mormons said I was a quitter and "not obedient." These are just a few examples, of how I had to go against what the Mormons thought of me, to do what I thought was the right thing for me and my family.
My inner soul has served me well, in raising my children, and in living all alone while they were away in college, and in living with them again when they returned with spouses and children of their own. I hope it will see me throughout the loneliness of retirement and old age. God isn't there for me, anymore. There's no such thing as the "Mormon support system." Likewise, they have no need for me, either.
There's nothing wrong with what you do! So, live your life according to the dictates of your own conscience.
Yeah, I like exercising and breathing the fresh air, so I don't smoke. I need all the brain cells I can keep alive, I have only one liver, I need to be alert for driving and my job, so I don't drink. Anyone who tries to make me feel bad for these personal health decisions, makes me suspicious. Personal stuff, including religion, underwear, What you ingest, how much money you have, inner values, sexual orientation, or whether or not you're married, or your hobbies, shouldn't be up for debate.