Posted by:
NormaRae
(
)
Date: July 06, 2020 12:52PM
You certainly nailed the description of the so-called church, "Joe's Repressive Clown Circus of Shame and Sexual Misinformation."
You are not alone. After figuring things out about the history, doctrine and culture of TSCC, so many of us didn't realize that we still dealt with the internalized fukkedup messages we'd received about sex for our entire lives. So when you are past believing that heavenly beings are spying on and recording your sex life, you still may be seeking validation of your worth through who wants to have sex with you.
I mean, as girls, our goal was to find the coolest, handsomest guy, the guy with money or from a family with money, the outgoing one with future bishop potential, who could marry us in the temple and be our sole sex partner for life. And if we, god forbid, were approaching 21 and no top-tier prospects were on the horizon, we may have settled for way less appealing guys who made us feel like we were lucky that anyone would want to be our partners, even if they themselves were guys who would be totally unappealing to normal girls outside the cult. But they were temple-worthy penishood holders and that meant we should know how lucky we were to have them and we needed to submit to their every whim.
So when you're on the other side of cult life, have more going for you, and really good looking, successful men come on to you, your mind jumps back to cult-sex mode. Your self-esteem goes through the roof thinking "someone like that wants ME." You can easily overlook their flaws, your incompatibility, all the red flags, the fact that you're totally being used. Because it's validation. You're still thinking that's what gives you validation as a person. And it's not. Usually couldn't be farther from the truth. And yes, it can take years before you look at someone like that and say, "Ummm, I don't THINK so, you're not different than a mormon man without the mormon part, but I'm different."
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/06/2020 12:54PM by NormaRae.