Posted by:
Elder Berry
(
)
Date: July 16, 2020 07:15PM
I understand where you are coming from OP.
I posted this today.
"When I rebelled in my teens I had been cleansed of the belief. It took a reconversion as an adult to get me participating again and that was a lackluster conversion. I needed something to believe to keep straight and sober and not give into my addictive tendencies. Mormonism was the system I knew."
https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,2322499But I also posted this.
"I was speaking to my brother on the phone last night and he was talking about Reiki and meditating, and other things and it was so nice to listen to his experiencing the self exploration Mormonism diametrically opposes if not it words in deeds.
Here we were. Two brothers in disbelief discussing metaphysical things in the context of experiencing physical realities using metaphysical understandings and none of it was Mormon. It was nice. It was real. It wasn't the contrived spirituality of Mormonism. At one point he spoke of hearing a voice and I joked that it was The Holy Spirit. It was an inside joke many here could hear and understand."
You are in a vulnerable place where the people you think you can trust are the family and friends who didn't support you in your disbelief. It is a hard row to hoe. I've been there. Just one word of advice. Try to be an unconditionally loving father if you have children which I'm sure you will try given the directive to have them.
I wasn't a nice person as a Mormon. I was angry all the time and turned to porn as my addiction because it wasn't as bad as the others in my Mormon muddled mind. What I couldn't admit to myself was my anger and depression were very much a part of my participation with Mormonism. It wasn't the white spotless thing of Celestial salvation I wanted it to be. It was a Band-Aid that I'm glad I didn't use for the rest of my adult life.
If you ever turn a corner on Mormonism, do it with understanding and grace if you can. The anger is still there in you I think. You've just decided to turn it on us strangers who were simply offering you free advice and some supportive words.
Good luck and good luck to your future family.