My wife's Bishop told me I should go to church and become temple worthy so I could spend eternity in the Celestial Kingdom with my wife. After helping him up off the floor, I told him that I couldn't do that to my wife. But, then I started thinking whether I would want to go to the Celestial Kingdom and I decided that I had innumerable questions I need answered before I can make a decision. Here are just a few which maybe you can help me answer:

1. Do I have to go to Sacrament Meetings in the Celestial Kingdom?

2. Do I have to pay tithing in the Celestial Kingdom?

3. Will I have to go back to work in the Celestial Kingdom?

4. If my wife wants a couple of hundred more kids in the Celestial Kingdom, will I have to support them, baby sit them, change their diapers and deal with teenagers again?

5. Will Jesus be the kind Jesus in the Celestial Kingdom with whom I can walk and talk (along with millions of other sweet spirits) or will he be the Jesus who flew to America after his crucifixion and promptly destroyed at least 16 Nephite cities, killing hundreds of thousands of men, women, children and animals?

6. If Joseph attempts to seduce my wife in the Celestial Kingdom, can I have him tarred and feathered?

7. Is God going to command me to "marry" other men's wife's and young daughters in the Celestial Kingdom? If so, do I have to live with them and support them or can I just bed them like Joseph?

8. Are the same pious, phony, self-righteous Brethren who preside down here going to preside in the Celestial Kingdom?

9. If I get tired of it all after a few trillion years, will they have assisted suicide in the Celestial Kingdom?

10. Finally, can I sin once in a while in the Celestial Kingdom, just for old times sake?

Just asking....

As a teenager in the Young Men's program, I remember one time our advisor telling us that in the Celestial Kingdom we would hang out with all of the prophets and leaders of the past. I thought to myself, "That would suck. I don't want to hang out with them for the eternities".

Being taught that I would be with my family forever??? I could think of no greater HELL!!

I wondered what it would be like playing sports as a perfected being. Would everyone bowl a 300 game? Would every golf shot be a hole-in-one? Would anyone miss a shot in a pick-up basketball game? Would it look like this? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4o8dqnbhI

Nawwwwww... The C. Kingdom wasn't for me.

In the CK there are no short handled shovels.

When I realized there was no CK, it was liberating.

It was also liberating to face the fact that Mormon Celestial Kingdom had no draw at all, even if it were true, which it's not. The sources for Joseph's Myth are easily discoverable. When you go, "wait, I would WANT to spend eternity with a God who only cares if a very tiny percent of his billions of children make it back to him and a whole bunch of Mormons? I don't THINK so," you start living to have the best life with what you know, which is there here and now. And if there's a next life, no one knows what it's like. No one. So all you can do is the best you can and let what comes after take care of itself. I had a fear of death as a Mormon. I no longer have any fear. Oh, I might fear the pain an uncertainty of it, but no fear of being dead.

When I was a sleepy teen, my Mormon seminary teacher told me there would be no sleeping for perfected beings in the Celestial Kingdom. What? Why? Well we would be too busy populating worlds and stuff. What stuff? Well, mostly it'll be explained in the next life!

You’ll live in a marshmallow castle right next to hot fudge creek and jellybean mountain. Your teeth won’t rot out of your head because your body will never degrade. The same goes for your pancreas.

You won’t need to work because of all the gentiles assigned to you as servants. All you have to do all day is copulate with your multitude of spirit wives. That could feel a bit like work. Do you want the life of a porn star? Maybe porn stars are actually being trained for stud duty in the CK.

Well, nobody has come back from the dead and said there’s no CK so it must be there.

Since you will be having spirit children, it is only spiritual crap that you will have to deal with in the spirit baby diapers.

LDS meetings are your earthly training for dealing with spiritual crap. That's why you have to be an active Mormon to go to the CK.

Joseph gives different accounts of heaven.

1 Nephi 1:8 "He (Lehi) saw god sitting on his throne, surrounded with numberless concourses of angels in the attitude of singing and praising their god."

D&C 137:2-4 "I saw the transcendent beauty of the gate through which the heirs of that kingdom will enter, which was like unto circling flames of fire; Also the blazing throne of god, whereon was seated the father and the son. I saw the beautiful streets of that kingdom, which had the appearance of being paved with gold."

Moses 1:33. "Worlds without number have I created."

Moses 1:38 "as one earth shall pass away...even so another shall come. There is no end to my works."

D&C 138:57 "I beheld that the faithful elders of this dispensation when they depart from mortal life, continue in their labors of preaching the gospel...among those who are in darkness."

omyheck it sounds like the high pressured tactics of an afterlife insurance salesperson. He wants you to sign the contract even before you have a chance to read all the terms or know even what you are entering into.

They may have fooled you once, if you have been to the temple before, but they don't have to fool you twice unless you want them to.

The temple ceremony is the perfect example of the mormon version of heaven. You are gaslighted into believing you may be able to see Jesus Christ there and that it will bring you closer to him if you just follow some small requests. You ask for details but told it will make much more sense when you go. After arriving you find out it is just a bunch of old farts doing masonic handshakes that requires you to rent clothing to attend but still no sign of everybody's favorite celestial Celebrity.

You are asked to make a ton of eternal commitments still without being given enough information to decide as an adult. They seem okay until they culminate into deeding over all your personal earnings to the church. It looks light Jesus' flight was delayed in Chicago so he won't be able to make this session. You are told to return home and work twice as hard as the loyalty program is being devalued.

You no longer qualify for your own planet status level and as such your polygamy points don't go as far. You now only can redeem them for your wife and your wife's aging still unmarried sister but only during non-peak times. You have to respect the terms of the wife-share agreement. As the requirements keep going up and the benefits keep going down, you start to wonder what it was all for but I am sorry my friend you just got #BoMvoyed!

Endless church meetings

Temple work

Everything that I hated as a secretary and clerk

The worst: a bunch of snobby members who believed that they were superior to everyone else.

CK was never appealing to me.

I remember entering the celestial room in the temple my first time through, just before my mission. The greeters who stood at the door to the room were a wealthy stuck-up pretentious elderly couple in my stake. They welcomed me into the celestial room as if it were their private home. That set the tone. The Celestial room felt like an exclusive club with gilded furniture, gold mirrors and flashy chandeliers. That was the Mormon's idea of heaven: exclusive, gilded and flashy. I wasn't blown away. I would have been more impressed if it were an outdoor garden with trees and flowers, and dogs and cats running around.

I've thought about the celestial kingdom, knowing I won't go there if there is such a place and it is run by Mormons. I decided that if it really exists I don't want anything to do with it. I'd rather be in a comfortable place surrounded by animals and down-to-earth imperfect people like me, where we can hang out and have fun. Hopefully we'll be able to cruise around the universe and time travel, which is what I really want to do. The last thing I want is to be one of multiple wives of my one spouse and spend eternity giving birth to spirit children (how is that possible?), watching them suffer on my planet so they can become gods. That to me is hell.

I once was treated to a movie showing the inner sanctum of some temple. I thought the furnishings were more appropriate to a New Orleans bordello.

If you go to the CK you will miss all the wonderful music of musicians from Woodstock and other singles and groups of rock, jazz, country and yes even Elvis and Michael Jackson. You will miss gurgling streams and rainfall sounds and all sounds of nature.

The only music you will hear over and over is tscc music while you clean toilets.

I will never go there. I will torment any TBM that tries to baptize me when I am dead. They will feel ants crawling all over their bodies for eternity. They best find someone else to baptize.

Shall I Go to The Celestial Kingdom?
Of course! NOT NOT NOT

Who lives in the moment... and who waits?

It's a no brainier