Recently I had a relative pass away in another town. On the day of the funeral, the family greeted friends, LDS Church members, and others who had made time for our relatives memory. One of the guests has been a long-time personal friend to my parents. Whenever he would visit our home, see us at church, or in town, he'd always make it a point to tell me that I was his 'little buddy'. These trite episodes would happen over and over again across the years. I finally saw him again at my relatives funeral.

At the funeral, He came up to me, shook my hand, gave me a big hug, and asked how I was with 'the Church'? "I haven't been in years and I don't plan on going back", I answered. The blood drained from his face, deer-in-the-headlight eyes burned a hole in my eyes, as he mustered a response. He grabbed me by the neck, pulled me close to himself and whispered, "You better fix that before I see you next time." He stamped his feet as he walked off to the other side of the chapel. During the eulogy and 'Bishop's Message' sputum, I could notice him staring at me as if I he intended to fix the problem on the spot.

Ms. Cake and I had secured bench seats which allowed a quick egress to the chapel doors and then out of the ward building. As soon as the benediction started, we bolted to the doors, made it to the car, and drove to a parking lot on the other side of town. I called my sister, told her we would meet the family back at home in another nearby town. In the months afterwards, I've had to block this 'Big Buddy' from all of my social networking connections. A year ago I filed an Affidavit with local police as to my experiences with this zealot. Until yesterday.

My sister called to inform me that this guy had sadly passed away and would I like to ride with the family to his funeral? Are you joking? This clown was a zealot that wouldn't let go of having me in the church and he would not let up over a long period of time. When I told my mother of my experiences over the last two years with this family friend she refused to accept the story. Mom just lost her privileges for at least one year. No visits, just phone calls and cards. Distance makes the heart grow colder when it comes to not protecting people and children from zealots and stupid-heads. Even sadder, on the outside, and to everyone who knew him in church circles, he was a Saint. He went through 3 wives during a military career, all of which ended in divorce. That alone doesn't make him a bad person but, it doesn't speak well of dealing with relationships.

Anyone else have this, or similar situation happen?

Cake

Honestly? No, because if anyone had ever grabbed me (as an adult) by the neck, he would have promptly found himself flat on his back and wondering what his hospital co-pay was going to be. Even at a funeral.

I tried to keep a level of decorum that is long lost on people of this man's ilk. while at the same time trying to not give any quarter to this attack. I took a defensive posture in order to maintain the 'social distance', prior to this COVID horse shit. I'm not a small man and I have a barrel chest and strong legs and hips. Upper body is shot due to dual rotator cuff repairs to the shoulders. I never wanted to engage this man but, I know I would have held my ground and made a mess of his attitude.

But that was NEVER the point. It was that this person had taken a belief system and applied it in his life as a measure of faithfulness, adherence, loyalty, acceptance, un-measured allegiance to an ideal of faith and obedience.

cakeordeath Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My sister called to inform me that this guy had
> sadly [Ha!] passed away and would I like to ride with
> the family to his funeral? Are you joking? [<-- Right on!]

>This clown was a zealot that wouldn't let go of having
> me in the church and he would not let up over a
> long period of time. [EXACTLY!]

>When I told my mother of my experiences over the last two years >with this family friend she refused to accept the story. [I've been there and it's total crap when parents do this. 100% crap!]

>Mom just lost her privileges for at least one year. No
> visits, just phone calls and cards. [<--I'd take those away too. Radio silence is safer for you.]

>Distance makes the heart grow colder when it comes to not >protecting people and children from zealots and
> stupid-heads. [AMEN]

> Anyone else have this, or similar situation
> happen? [close enough - I'd fantasize, FANTASIZE, PEOPLE, about peeing on dude's grave. In broad daylight. Picture might be involved.]

I recommend a clean break for a predetermined time established by you, and block anyone on social media you don't want going back to the fam with information about *you*. You decide what to share and not.

When I moved to WA, I blocked all of my family. Everyone. When I was settled, I started unblocking my brothers, and I told them that I didn't want people snooping on me through them. My brothers completely understood.

I am cheering for you, Cake!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2020 06:51PM by Beth.

Just an opinion, but unless your relationship with your mom was already in the toilet, I wouldn't let the jerk who died have an impact on it in any way. She's likely in disbelief because that wasn't her experience of him, and she is experiencing cog dis.

What I would do is have some creative insults at your disposal, so if your mom (or anyone else) starts to sing this man's praises, you can have at it. "What!??? That jackanapes? That complete and total twat? I had no use for that runty little jasswack whatsoever. Do not speak to me of that fothermucker again, ever!"

If you "swear" without using actual swear words, it should take them a minute or two to sort that out (while you beat an outraged retreat.)

cakeordeath Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

^ Mom just lost her privileges for at least one year. No
> visits, just phone calls and cards.



Cake, I hope you don't do that to your mom -- That's just mean.

The question isn't whether it's mean or not. The question is is it appropriate. Those of us who live outside of Cake's life can agree or disagree about whether it is appropriate, but only Cake knows what is best for Cake and those Cake cares for.

And I am COMPLETELY biased when it comes to issues of cutting off relatives if maintaining those relationships cause more harm than good. Everything we feel and are told since the womb steers us toward overlooking instances where our parents abuse us. We are hardwired to love and respect them. If we don't, we might die.

But there comes a time in life where the mental and emotional gymnastics required to maintain a dysfunctional relationship with these folks *is* the thing that is killing us, and we have to accept that some people are awful, and awful people can and do have children, especially those who have been taught to have googobs of children from the time that *they* were children.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/25/2020 02:38PM by Beth.

25 years ago or so. At least that is my experience. When DH and I married in the late 1970's it was not at all unusual for "old family friends" and the like to approach us and treat us in the way you have described here. On a number of occasions DH was "accosted" by older TBMS who knew him as a child and asked if he was going to his priesthood meetings. These people were typically so aggressive and swift in their actions, comments that there was no possibility of making a reasoned reply.

My own personal zealot never threatened me. He would have regretted that had he gone there. But he was a persistent old m'fer. I felt sorry for his family as his zealotry was a burden on them. I did not attend his funeral.