I don't come here often in the past 8 years. But I did come and post three years ago when I was banned from the funeral of the only sibling that I was close to. At that time I divorced my family, though I never told them. Just blocked them on fb and never called.

A couple of months ago my parents died, and my son died, all in the same week.

A niece told me on fb messenger that my parents died. But no siblings emailed or anything. No notification about a funeral etc. It was expected as I have had no contact for three years. But they did all know my email. And as I never told them that I divorced them, it was all on their own that they decided not to tell me anything.

It was then that I knew I was out, even if I wasn't the one who wanted to be out.

Through my wife's fb I looked at their pages to see what was happening with the funeral etc. I found that my mom, who had alzheimer's died first, and my dad died later the same day. It was made out to be a romantic ride off into the sunset quirk of fate for two people who never wanted to be apart etc.

My son's wife told me on fb messenger that he died in his sleep of an unknown heart problem. I live in another country, but I watched his funeral on fb live. I felt really bad for her and the kids.

Then the surprises started.

My work offers a paid benefit for the deaths of close family members, but I needed the death certificates. So I ordered them online. My parents came first. I read the cause of death, and was shocked. My mom was starved and dehydrated to death. It said that she last had food or water five days earlier. I know nothing about the particulars of how such a thing came about. Was she in a coma? Was she just lying there in a fog of confusion, but not in a coma? But it surely wasn't the ride off into the sunset with my father that it was made out to be.

Then I got my son's death certificate. I found that he died of a drug overdose on fentanyl! I never even knew that he used drugs. He had a great job, three kids, and seemed fine as can be. But I was shocked that his wife lied to me about how he died!

Mormons and lying to make stories more uplifting. All of my family, and daughter-in-law consider themselves to be really good mormons. But telling the truth isn't a strong point. If my work didn't offer a death benefit, I would never know how they died.

Don't let the truth get in the way of a good story. A mormon tradition.

I'm very sorry for your losses. I do remember your last story. I thought at the time that your family members who shut you out of the funeral were behaving horribly to you.

It seems to me that your mother was not in a position to give consent to withhold food or water. You may wish to pursue a legal remedy.

It could be that your daughter-in-law was too ashamed of her husband's drug abuse to share the real reason for his death.

Wow. Mentally divorced or not, it's hard to come to terms with one death in the family, let alone three. Sincere condolences.

It's all about appearances, isn't it? All they want to portray is a love story and they want to hide anything that doesn't look good. Imagine what lies they tell about you.

The "family church" strikes again.

I miss your contributions here. I hope life is treating you well.

dagny Wrote:
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>
> I miss your contributions here. I hope life is
> treating you well.

Dagny, life is great. Much better without feeling like my family is looking over my shoulder judging everything I do.

I married an amazing woman since I was posting here regularly, and she makes my life so great. No stress at all. Work is great, savings, relationship, really in every way I feel like I'm in the prime of my whole life now.

So much for life falling apart without the church.

This has to be so very hard for you. I can't imagine. Just does not need to be this way.

Your story is quite a view into the window that reveals how deeply engrained the need for a facade is in Mormonism. The very definition of facade is "convenient lie to suit a questionable agenda," as far as I'm concerned. (Didn't consult a dictionary.

The pressure to appear superior because you have bragged that you are the elect, the chosen, rips families to shreds. Hard to read a story such as yours and not see the Mormons as cult. They are.

Everyone who says the Mormon church is family oriented should have their mouths washed out with soap at the very least.

I have a much older brother, in his 80s, who I just don't like. He makes great shows of his piety, tries to impress with what he imagines is his vast intellect, thinks he's hilarious but is very boring -- to the point of being annoying. And he does that Number One Son, self-appointed patriarch of the family thing. I haven't had anything to do with him in years.

He'll die one of these years and I won't go to his funeral. My sisters will probably think that's horrible of me. Even if I don't like my brother I'm supposed to do the funeral because, well, it's what one is supposed to do. So while they probably won't lie about his cause of death, we're expected to lie about being a close, loving family.

I appreciate the condolences from all of you.

I do wonder what exactly made my family come to the conclusion that they should starve and dehydrate my mom to death. And who knows, maybe I would have agreed had I known all the facts. Perhaps not.

But when I divorced my family, it was final. They aren't family anymore. In my mind, it was my siblings, not necessarily my parents. But living in another country, and not having parents that were close anyway, it just happened that direction too.

What I found from divorcing them, but not telling them, was that all the relationship was one direction anyway. It was all driven by me. When I stepped aside, there was nothing left.

I'm sorry for your losses. My father died of Alzheimers sometime ago. What you describe about your mom, unfortunately, is about right from someone with that disease. People who die from it lose the ability to swallow and while they may not be "in a coma", they are incoherent. It is very painful, not only for the person but for their family, to see their loved one deteriorate during the last weeks of life.

Now a Gentile Wrote:
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> I'm sorry for your losses. My father died of
> Alzheimers sometime ago. What you describe about
> your mom, unfortunately, is about right from
> someone with that disease. People who die from it
> lose the ability to swallow and while they may not
> be "in a coma", they are incoherent. It is very
> painful, not only for the person but for their
> family, to see their loved one deteriorate during
> the last weeks of life.

I'm sorry that you had that ending too.

I've been out of the country for 9 years, and hadn't seen her for two years prior. But the last time I saw her she was fine. I'll remember her the way she was.

I'm sorry for your loss. 3 so close together is hard.

Anyway, the not eating or drinking the last few days before death is pretty common. I had to go through it with my father a couple of years ago.

I thought it was inhumane to withhold food and water, but the doctors (who have a lot more experience dealing with patients in end of life scenarios) assured me this is normal and the body stops absorbing water and nutrients when it becomes obvious it is an end of life time.

I kept stating over and over again that I wouldn't starve my dog to death, why do we do it for a parent? But they were pretty adamant that the body knows when it is time and it doesn't want the food or water.

Thank you for clarifying.

My sympathy to you for having to learn of the deaths of people who were once close to you. It seems to be typical of some Mormon families.

My TBM son died a couple of years ago. We had been on "no contact" because he had accused me (incorrectly) of wanting to frustrate my grandson's mission, and called me a liar when I vehemently denied it. I was not informed of his death by any of his immediate family, only by his TBM sister, with whom I am on good terms. They don't notify me of any important events, like weddings, births, etc.

As for Mormons hiding the unpleasant facts: my TBM sister took her own life, and her husband told everyone she died of some kind of "sudden attack." I happened to know the truth, and got scolded because I told some people the real cause of her death.

When my close brother died by suicide three years ago. I posted the real reason on fb and stated that it's too bad that needing help is so stigmatized that he wouldn't seek it.

I would have done the same with my son had I known. If the face of addiction could be more normalized, people might not be so reluctant to admit a problem and get help.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/03/2020 08:54PM by DNA.

DNA Wrote:
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> Was she just lying there in a fog
> of confusion, but not in a coma? But it surely
> wasn't the ride off into the sunset with my father
> that it was made out to be.

I wonder if she had a DNR order.

My brother's friend's mother fell months ago, but lately she took a turn for the worse. Rather than trying to revive her, her DNR kicked in, and she was starved to death - a horrible way to go in my opinion.

Tyson

Hi DNA,
Sorry that you lost family members, twice in maybe an odd way. Once with Mormonism kicking in and then finally with old age and the inevitable death even if now difficult when thinking of the dearly departed. To be sure, the LDS organization helps to fix that up for all of us.

I had to deal with all of that in spades and I can tell you from experience, now they could get really mean (family) without the looming distraction of someone in the family dying.

I'm sure that you're well protected because of necessary precautions perhaps previously put in place. Good for you.

Talk about unnecessary stress, wow..

Some thoughts as the Alzheimer's become a strong topic(which I've appreciated thoughts on, I learned things I didn't know).

If I get dementia in a bad way. While I can still think clearly, but before I am a burden to anyone, I will kill myself. I don't want to be a burden, and I don't want to slip into helplessness for no good reason.

I'll take my exit in a big way that is more beautiful then slipping back into infancy.

Not saying everyone should, but I certainly will.

DNA Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Some thoughts as the Alzheimer's become a strong
> topic(which I've appreciated thoughts on, I
> learned things I didn't know).
>
> If I get dementia in a bad way. While I can still
> think clearly, but before I am a burden to anyone,
> I will kill myself. I don't want to be a burden,
> and I don't want to slip into helplessness for no
> good reason.
>
> I'll take my exit in a big way that is more
> beautiful then slipping back into infancy.
>
> Not saying everyone should, but I certainly will.

I dunno dude, hang-ons from the sex/death cult are pretty sticky.. you'd do well to be well advised.

Strong council ain't bad either.

Can't You Smell That Smell Lynyrd Skynyrd

DNA Wrote:
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> Don't let the truth get in the way of a good
> story. A mormon tradition.


The Church of Jesus Christ of Living Dead Saints. The amount of money, time, and energy for the names of dead people and the correlated and constrained money, time, and energy for the living in Mormonism speaks volumes to the tradition started by Joseph Smith of not letting the truth of living get in the way of stories especially of the dead. They can't defend themselves.