Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: November 29, 2020 03:06AM
All this is good advice.
I especially like what Azsteve said. We don't know your sister, or if she is older or younger than you, or if your parents are still alive, or who the other family members are, or what religion everybody is, so I would advise you to concentrate on setting your own boundaries. Sit down, and think in detail about what YOU want in your relationships. Do you have chilren? How is your sister's relationship with them and your wife, if you are married? YOU and your own kids matter, here.
I assume your parents are deceased. I got along with my family much better, once I set reasonable and firm boundaries. First, I had to understand that I have every right to set boundaries.
These boundaries changed over the years. One brother had been particularly abusive to me, and I did live away from home, working in the summers, working after school, leaving home to go to college. Sometimes, to keep your boundaries, you need to be the one who is inconvenienced, but it is worth it! My brother could not abuse me anymore. I went home to my parents for brief visits, but my brother was always there to torment me. I re-set my boundaries, when he began to be cruel to my children--NO TOLERANCE for that. I stopped bringing the children, and instead invited my parents to my home for visits. It was futile to try to make anyone change, or admit there was anything wrong with my brother, but I saved my children.
When my parents died, there was no one to put any restraints on my brothers, or on my sleazy nephew (all devout Mormons, BTW). They ended up stealing most of my share of Mom and Dad's estate. Even after I sued them and won. My brothers constantly accused me behind my back to my parents--of things I would never do--in order to try to persuade my parents to dis-inherit me. I was still a faithful Mormon at the time. This did work, and my parents bought them several houses, which my brothers kept borrowing on, and losing in foreclosures.
All three of my brothers "retired early" at ages 38-40, and lived off of my parents, along with their kids. Does not working, or laziness breed this type of personality?
Your sister needs to leave you alone. She needs to respect you. She needs to get a job, or do volunteer work.
If you have parents or other family members, you might feel better if you tell them what your boundaries are with your sister, and WHY, but tell them only once. I told my parents about my brothers, and they got mad at me, but when my brother tried to steal my house from under me--they listened--and my lawyer and ex-husband secured they house legally, for my children.
People like your sister like to have allies, and win others over onto their side. She not only wants to feel "important", but she wants to WIN, and that means making you LOSE. She is in competition with you, whether you are in the race, or not. Don't play her games, or stoop to her level. You might feel better if you try boundaries first, but often, the best outcome is "no contact." I haven't had contact with my criminal brothers for over 10 years. In that time, they have conned over 200,000 from our other brother, our sweet uncle, and our family business.
I will never fully understand how my brothers and nephew think.
Read online about psychopaths, sociopaths, Narcissists, and Cluster B personality types. What you learn will make you care a lot less about them.
Sorry for the rant. Just watch your back.