Posted by:
Mother Who Knows
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Date: July 31, 2021 03:20AM
You're right, it's difficult to gain a pure perspective, without our own personal biases. I had two HELLACIOUS marriages, with two Mormon men. One was a demented con artist, who beat me almost every day, until I crawled away forever, getting police protection, and the other cheated on me and ended up abandoning me and our children. So--I was not happy in my Mormon marriages. I was not happy on Sundays, married to a temple Mormon, married to an "inactive" Mormon, or divorced and single, with or without children. Mormonism is not designed for the happiness of women, period. I was RS President, my mother was RS President, and I've known many other RS Presidents. That's one of the most prestigious church positions for women--but it was still a thankless job, full of grunt-work and busy-work. Like cleaning the buildings, most of the women's church jobs involved cleaning, cooking and washing up afterwards, babysitting and changing diapers. I always ended up getting my hands dirty, staining my nice clothes, or getting a contagious illness, until I learned to delegate. I set a boundary at cleaning the church building--for me and my children--and told them I would pay a professional to do it, but not send my children into child labor. Constantly saying "no" got very tiresome, and I cringed every time the phone rang. I took piano lessons from age 6, and continued at the universities. I put myself through school teaching piano lessons. I loved music! But LDS, Inc. burnt me out by their constant demands for piano and organ duties, sacrament meeting performances and rehearsals, the old road shows, the Christmas parties, Christmas choirs, the Messiah, etc.
The cult took the joy out of music, and I have not touched the piano, since I resigned, and I don't miss it at all.
In observing the lives of others, I have come to the conclusion that the Mormon church does not make peoople happy; rather, it makes people unhappy. The focus is on life after DEATH. The doctrine is full of THREATS of what will happen to children who ditch out of Sunday School, or adults who don't pay their tithing, or members who are late for meetings, or talk too much in the foyer, or WHATEVER.
Like babyloncansuckit wrote, there's the dread of the next Sunday coming up, so the unhappiness bleeds into your work week and into your Saturdays, as well.
To answer what the OP asked, whether it is better happiness or being serious--you need BOTH states in your life, and all the levels in between. Being serious does not mean being unhappy. Being spiritual does not require unhappiness. When you are happy, junk like changing diapers can be a task done with joy, love, and songs for the child. Cleaning up the school kitchen with the PTA was fun and social and filled with laughter! People would bring their spouses to our fun planning meetings. I'm glad I had those normal experiences with volunteer groups of all kinds. My education and career have had very serious moments, with a lot on the line, but it was always stimulating and rewarding. The purpose and satisfaction of my life made difficulties challenging and growth-promoting. I so, so, sympathize with slaves, because doing something not of your choice, and being ordered how to do it, and how much to do (never enough) makes any human being unhappy. That's how the cult operates, especially on the women. (I hear from the men that it is just as bad, and maybe even more coercive.)
One simple example: Send your 20-year-old on a mission? My cousin is deciding to force her daughter to go on a mission, or to let her accept a music scholarship to a good school, or to attend a great nursing program for which she qualified, or stay home and work at a job she already loves. All her skills and talents, and she is beautuful, and has a wonderful (non-Mormon) boyfriend, and friends, and skiing--and they want to send her away on a mission????
It's a no-brainer, looking at this decision from the outside, from our perspectives of being Mormon and not being Mormon. It really is a choice between happiness and unhappiness. (Overcoming normal adversities, or wallowing in fictional, man-invented adversities created to keep you down, keep you paying money to a cult.