I think of my family as Before and After. We lived in the mountains of Utah in a town settled by pioneers and as a kid I used to listen to the 80 and 90 year olds tell their stories.

Everyone had a garden and chickens and livestock. Even better we had true "community." We got our eggs from Helen up the lane and our milk from ole Milt. We gave away tons of corn and chard.

Mom made her own noodles and donuts and cooked the trout and pheasant, ducks, and quail Dad hunted. We rode our horses up the crick and picked wild choke cherries and Mom made them into syrup for pancakes. She was Guide Patrol leader and took us on hikes up in the hills and we identified all the plants and critters.

The town got together a lot. Breakfasts behind the old Schoolhouse on Saturday Mornings, hayrides, miniature rodeos, and even the Road Shows were an event. Tons of laughter and kidding and when my Dad built his house everyone just showed up on Saturday to help.

The "Before" was heaven on earth. Not without it's problems, especially for me. I found out only two years ago that the most popular jock who was few years older than me went to my dad once and said, "The kids on the bus are being really mean to Done. Are you okay if I do something about it?" I never knew why it all stopped so suddenly--the taunting, the name I hated, the hitting behind the ears. Luckily being punched only happened out of sight of the bus driver as he would have stopped that." The name was the worst. At least with the fists I could hit back.

The "jock" was the only non Mormon in our neighborhood. He went on to be the quarterback at Utah State and then became a world famous Rodeo Champion. I never got to thank him. He was long gone when I found out.


The After: My Dad was called as bishop. Everything changed. We became so Mormon even the other TBM's were annoyed by us. The laughter became less dense. I never saw my father much for the eleven years he was bishop. He was a wonderful man I wish I had known better but we made up for it in the end. The church robbed us then and the grift goes on.

What we all needed more than a church was a support system. At one time we had that. We all need to be the support system as much as we are able. I get that you get this. I read it in your words. I am sorry some injected their own interpretations. Your posts over the years show a heart combined with an intellect. In particular the one where you had me clarify my words regarding my aged mother that could be taken several ways.

Clarififying isn't just for butter. And understanding that looking at something sideways doesn't mean you didn't see the situation for what it is head on or that you don't care deeply.


I hope this is not out of place for you as you strike me as a deeply personal person. No need to respond. I just needed to say this for myself. We just don't know what others are bringing to the table that is not evident.

Clarification: I wrote this to Kathleen and then got the title wrong. That is why I ended it like I did.

I am proud to count you as a friend D. I think you are an exceptional person.

I wish I could make that jock cookies.

I feel exactly the same as Susan. I feel like you’re a personal friend even though we haven’t met.

I hope to meet you one of these days V. And your daughter rocks.

I really would like to meet you too! Thanks for your kind comment about Tiffany; she needs it now for sure. :)

Sounds like an ideal Norman Rockwell American upbringing, my mother use to tell me stories of logan in the 1950s and what an awesome place that was. No crime, the old ward was over 700 active members, numerous current GAs and apostles all grew up in that ward in the 50s, no diversity, a very relaxed place with few laws, people could drive without seat belts without licenses, no police, traffic, or stop lights, dirt roads everywhere outside town, no building codes,

"no diversity" contributed to an ideal world?

I'm actually speechless.

For now.

Maca not logged in Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sounds like an ideal Norman Rockwell American
> upbringing, my mother use to tell me stories of
> logan in the 1950s and what an awesome place that
> was. No crime, the old ward was over 700 active
> members, numerous current GAs and apostles all
> grew up in that ward in the 50s, no diversity, a
> very relaxed place with few laws, people could
> drive without seat belts without licenses, no
> police, traffic, or stop lights, dirt roads
> everywhere outside town, no building codes,


Your hometown sounds identical to mine, except we had diversity. My Pop hired any and all who needed a job—-black men, Native Americans, Hispanics. I don’t remember Asian men applying, but he’d have hired them if they had. Women didn’t apply then.

After Pop had a stroke, his black crew member showed up at our house with hands of bananas and avocados that he had driven 80 miles to buy. He said, “You eat these—you need the potassium.”

There was diversity. Your mother just chose not to acknowledge it.

The thing about opponents of diversity is that if they manage to achieve purity, they then proceed to segregate out of their midst a new minority to despise.

The problem lies not with the “other.”

Awwww … thank you my big brother … I hope I’m worthy of your kind words. What a friend you’ve been to me. Your comments lifted me from a very dark place this morning. Your contributions to this board lift all of us.

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Your comments lifted me from
> a very dark place this morning.

Aaaahhh kathleen - I'm sorry about the dark place. Happy you read you some D&D.

>Your
> contributions to this board lift all of us.

Yes, I greatly enjoy his way with words.

I like you, Done & Done. I've never met you, but I like you. :)

I had a similar upbringing, the New England version. I grew up in a small town, and it felt like a community of people in which everyone had a role, from the gas station attendant to the store clerks to the local dentist. You knew everyone, and everyone knew you. We used to get our dairy products delivered and our eggs from a local farm. I remember it as being a calm and peaceful upbringing.

My grandmother lived 3 blocks away. She was deaf and we took turns spending nights at her house. We'd fight each other to be able to stay with her. We spent a lot of time at my other grandparents on the farm. We'd drive out at night a lot and see them and on weekends. My dad was working the farm.

My dad's family had get togethers all the time. We'd go to each cousin's house on their birthdays and give gifts and have ice cream and cake. We celebrated every holiday. My one aunt had a Christmas party every 24th of December and she did it up until the day they had to put her in a nursing home. It was what saved my Christmases after my husband left. The kids feel the same. My aunt became one of my best friends as her daughter my age died at 37 of cancer. She was 3 days older than I am. This aunt would do things out of the blue like she knew I needed her that day and something would show up, flowers, money in the mail. I was close to my grandparents. I was lucky to have the best.

That was my childhood. We spent a lot of time with siblings and parents working on the farm. We had fun and we screamed and yelled as we wanted to stop hoeing beets earlier than mom wanted to. We fought a lot as kids and we still have problems, but we all watch out for each other.

Church was more of an afterthought. Really. We had too much other stuff going on in our lives.

BTW this is also the title of a lovely film. I watch it every time I find it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Remember_Mama_(film)

I Dismember Mama

Thank you all for so many beautiful words you wrote. Means more than you know. And right back atcha.

Thank you for writing this. I was already a non believer by the time my own dad was called to serve on high council and I'm pretty sure he knew that. I'm thankful he wasn't tagged to be bishop. He may have been asked and turned it down. That would not be a surprise.