Posted by:
anagrammy
(
)
Date: July 11, 2011 01:18PM
Some great advice above, Scooter has the facts all right, but the victims of this fraud sincerely believe they ARE in a religion.
The most important thing here is saving your nuclear family. You are indeed lucky that you have a wife who truly loves you and feels that your happiness is more important than the fear the Mormon cultists have used to condition her.
You are not safe, my friend, because the moment you make any formal announcement, you have allowed strangers into your marriage. Your spirituality and growth, and your wife's, is absolutely none of their damn business. It isn't their business what you wear to bed and your hearts are not their territory.
THEY put themselves between you when you each married the church first in the temple, then each other. And gave each other conditional love with her promising to love you "as you keep the laws and ordinances/promises, etc" (correct me if I'm wrong on the wording)
THEY brainwashed you into thinking you MUST answer personal questions and that they have a right to measure your testimony monthly and audit your finances yearly. Simply put, that's BS.
The important thing here is for you to realize that you are taking the first few important steps to recovering your own life and dignity. You were less conditioned than your wife, but she is on the path of recovery herself, make no mistake about it. This is a critical time for both of you and it requires great sensitivity, self-control, and insight on your part.
The key to a successful result is that you two wait until you are on the same page, then make announcements TOGETHER. If you make individual announcements, the Mormons will see that as a crack and exploit it, they will love-bomb, treat your wife pityingly and TBM's can even hit on a woman, saying, "A faithful woman like you deserves better." The ward gossip mill will be whirling and you do NOT need the chaos while you as a couple are working things out.
Don't think they will respect you. Why should they? You are walking toward darkness in their view and dragging your poor wife out of the light. Your wife will hear remarks such as, "Do you still want children even though you won't have them for eternity?"
People who live in fear (cult members) are made even more fearful by those who escape. It causes anxiety and guilt, all of which negative energy is projected toward you.
Decide what you AND your wife will say to the ward members. Mind you, no other religion I know of feels they have the right to ask deeply personal questions about your relationship with God. No Catholic, for example, would ever ask, "Don't you miss taking communion now that you are committing mortal sins?" Yet a Mormon woman will ask point-blank, "So is your husband being excommunicated or what?"
Choose something that is true because no point in being devious or lying. You are leaving the life of lies for the life of integrity. An example to a rude, invasive question would be, "Mary and I are working out out salvation in private, but thanks for asking." Or, "No decisions have been made, but you'll be the first to know" (OK, that has a little snarky edge, but you get the idea). When nothing else comes to mind, like if someone asks if the bishop knows you aren't wearing garments, you can always ask, "I'm curious, why would you ask a question like that? Most people would consider that pretty private."
If the bishop calls you into his office, refuse the invitation. Tell him you and your wife will contact him if a decision is made. You are researching on Sundays.
You can show up for an occasional wedding or meeting as a loving gesture to your wife, who knows you hate it, to show her that you are her companion and are willing to be by her side for special occasions.
When you reject the Mormon definitions of marriage and family, man and woman, you are in the Twilight Zone. It's easy to lose your way. I promise you that you will never regret making your marriage your first priority and defining your family's boundaries YOURSELF.
Best wishes to you and post often. We are all rooting for you!
Anagrammy