Get ready for the Deseret News hoopla hysteria proving that The Lard has indeed saved a special prophet to lead us in these the last days, even Russell Marion Nelson. Have the headlines and press releases already been prepared?

Upcoming April 9, 2022 - Mr. Wendy Watson Nelson will surpass Gordon "Under The Bus" Hinckley as the longest lived Mormon Prophet (another huge victory for Stan*). Nelson will then be in the clear to become the first 98 year old seer (cataracts dx pending) in this dispensation. Methuselah kicks Nelson's sorry ass when competition between dispensation rivals heats up.

David McKay was 96 and Hinckley was 97 when they kicked the Celestial Kingdom Bucket.

Please check my facts and formulas because I've misplaced my seer stone and top hat at the moment so Stan may have influenced me to make misleading "fake news" about this monumental Mormon moment by clicking here: https://www.myagecalculator.com/

with these dates: GBH DOB 6/23/1910 DOD 1/27/2008, RMN DOB 9/9/1924 DOD still living or a deep fake has been installed /s.

Personally, I hope Rusty does not completely oxidize until after his 100th birthday celebration at the Conference Center. The older Oaks grows the more acorns of apostasy he'll spread when he finally gets the Savior's nod. This extra time will also allow The husband of Susan Bednar to become even more of a DezNazi than he already is.

"Stan" is a misspelling of Satan which occurred in this forum years ago but has become immortalized as Luficer's new temple name the exmo community.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2022 03:39PM by cricket.

Should we start referring to David Bednar as Ofsusan?

Russ could be Ofwendy.

I like it.

I'm kinda liking "Deadnar"

I have no explanation why.

I also like Holy Smoaks.


I think I may be a victim of old age...

what he preaches is laughable.

Concurs up a vision of a really unfunny Deadpool, but it gives me the giggles.


What about Deadnards.

>
> What about Deadnards.
>

And his followers are Deathnards??

I would pick Deadnar over anything else. *chuckles*

will there be a divorce between David & Susan while in a terrestial telestial celestial holding pattern?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2022 10:41PM by GNPE.

Why would he bother?

He can just add a bunch of well deserved buxom beauties to his stable of Celestial Wives and push Susan to the end of the line.

I would wager that she's looking forward to it.

He'd Be oldest church president, but the oldest prophet seer and revelator was Father Eldred G Smith at age 106.

I didn't know that. I got my PB from him way back when. Mom always considered herself a privileged Mormon, what with a brother who was an SP, and all.

Anyhow, she had somebody contact Eldred G for a PB appointment, and got it for me. And they say women have no power in the church. Pshaw. Never underestimate the power of being a pest.

Maybe I should have kept a copy of my PB. May be a collectible some day. ;)

Heartless Wrote:
----------------------------------
> He'd Be oldest church president,
> but the oldest prophet seer and
> revelator was Father Eldred Gee
> Smith at age 106.


    Wikipedia factoids:

    Born:  January 9, 1907, Lehi, UT
    Died:  April 4, 2013 (age 106 years), Salt Lake City, UT

    The office of Church Patriarch traditionally belonged to the oldest direct male descendant of Hyrum Fff Smith, the prophet's brother.

    Here's Wikipedia's introduction to E. Gee Smith:  "At the time of E. Gee's birth, a new presiding patriarch was usually chosen based on the principle of patrilineal succession.  (But) The 25-year-old was unmarried and without a college degree when his father died in 1932, however.  (So) Believing that E. Gee was not (yet) ready, church president Heber J. Grant left the position vacant but later appointed Eldred Smith's cousin, Joseph Fielding Smith (not the sourpuss we all knew of, but the sharp-dressing, man-about-town JFS) to be presiding patriarch in 1942.  

    "Joseph Fielding Smith's request to be released was granted by church president George Albert Smith in 1946."  The petition to be released was how the church worded finding out that Joe was sleeping with sailors, and not sailorettes, but the real swabbies!  Weird that Wikipedia doesn't include this latter (day) fact about the resignation!

    Wikipedia then details E. Gee's call and his very first PB, given to our very own BofJ!!

    "Eldred Smith was selected as the next presiding patriarch in 1947, marking the return of the office to the line of eldest sons descending from Hyrum Smith.  By then, he had married, had started a family, and worked at several professions including cleaning and painting the ceiling of the Salt Lake Tabernacle.

    "Smith later said of his first days as patriarch: "There is no way to prepare for it, no instructions, no counsel.  When I was first ordained, I went into my office, closed the door, and didn’t come out for two weeks.  Then Brother of Jerry came to the door asking for a blessing, and so I gave it to him."

    "During his tenure as presiding patriarch, Smith's primary duty was to travel to areas of the world where there were no patriarchs in order to bestow patriarchal blessings upon worthy Latter-day Saints.  For example, he gave 139 blessings in 16 days in Australia in 1966."


Now here's the point to all this:  Smith was considered an emeritus general authority of the church after he was relieved of his duties.  He remained an ordained patriarch and was still permitted to give patriarchal blessings.  Throughout his life, he gave almost 20,000 patriarchal blessings.  However, he was no longer sustained by the church as a "prophet, seer, and revelator" as he had been from 1947 to 1979."

    The following was read to the Saints during April Conference, 1979:

    "Before presenting the authorities for the vote of the conference, President Kimball has asked me to read the following statement: Because of the large increase in the number of stake patriarchs and the availability of patriarchal service throughout the world, we now designate Elder Eldred G. Smith as a Patriarch Emeritus, which means that he is honorably relieved of all duties and responsibilities pertaining to the office of Patriarch to the Church."

    So, according to the church, E. Gee was only a PS&R for 32 years, 1947 to 1979.

    But I have no problem sustaining E. Gee, or any of you, as prophets, seers, and revelators...as long as you're not charging for blessings and winning lottery ticket numbers.