We had a ward campout, Friday night to Saturday. Church owns acreage on a River in Washington about 30 minutes out of town, gas station and mini-mart is about 10 minutes away.
A woman got up and testified on Sunday that because of the campout, she now understands the "hardships, the trials" that the pioneers suffered as they cross the plains to Utah.
Another one....my dad was the patriarch. He had this thing that we can't know the hour or minute jesus will return (per scripture), but it doesn't say we can't know the year and the day (something like that anyway).
So he apparently figured this out and stared testifying about it and talking about it in church talks. Started freaking out the members, leaders finally told him to stop it.
I'll never forget the odd man who in my ward in the 1970s who gave the most unusual testimonies on Fast and Testimony Sunday. One time he talked about a toothbrush he kept in his pocket. He said that the bristles had been all scrunched up but when he pulled it out of his pocket they were straight again. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
One time he stood up and said, "I used to be a homosexual but now I'm not." That woke everyone up! It was the last time I saw him in church. I think he was told not to return.
Funny but those are the only two testimonies I remember from my 20 + years as an active Mormon.
Ah, the memories. One man who sat close to the front, would be the first to stand - every time. You could almost hear the audience muttering, not again. When he got the mic, he would start off with a little story, and finish with, 'how like unto the gospel', explaining the comparison. It would be something random, like the button coming loose from his shirt or the bowl of cereal he had for breakfast.
Another elderly man, who was a past bishop and the father of the current bishop, would have a clipping from the newspaper, which he would read and then rattle on about it. Or he would tell about somewhere he had visited recently.
Then there was Michael McLean who would play a hymn on the piano for his testimony.
We had a bishop that for years would let us go home early once everyone had their chance to stand up.
Then his replacement was the exact opposite. If no one stood he'd call people up.
One day he called an elderly man who was sleeping. Someone nudged the gentleman and he sheepishly walked to the stand, bowed his head and gave a fast closing prayer.
This happened at a sacrament meeting with a popular family who were assigned to speak at it. This was back in the day when you were allowed to bring a little "show and tell" to make your talk more interesting.
The kids were teenagers who spoke first, then the mom, then the dad.
When the dad got up to speak, they all reached under their seats and pulled out rifles!
I can't remember what the topic was, but I'll never forget the exhibits!
Had a young women scream at the sleeping bishopric to wake up. It was time to end the meeting. Coughing and dropping hymnbooks on the floor wasn't catching the dozing leaders.
Old Brother Fitzpatrick (now long dead) would testify most every fast Sunday that his Patriarchal Blessing assured him that he would preach the gospel to people living in the Moon.
An adult male stood up and confessed he had committed every sin possible in this world. He was thankful for repentance.
I leaned over and asked hubby if we should call the police. we both thought to ourselves this guy had no idea what he was saying. This was back in the 80's. I haven't heard one that disturbing since.
Had a brother give a travelogue of his wonderful RV trip thru Utah to Missouri while hitting all the Mormon pioneer history spots. He had a lot of problems once he hit Missouri.
So those fabulous 3 nephites were nowhere to be found while he was stranded along the road. The mighty Baptists kept stopping to offer help and hospitality. It made a lasting impact that he was extremely grateful.
So in front of the visiting stake presidency he boldly proclaimed- It's a good thing the Mormons found me first or I would have gladly converted from Judaism to Baptist. Everyone was laughing, save for the stake president. He facepalmed and looked like he was going to puke.
This member looked and sounded like Rodney Dangerfield.
The only noteworthy thing I noticed at testimony meetings was how bland and full of phony emotion most of the testimonies were. I sometimes give fabulous phony testimonies and alway recieve compliments for them. I blatently lie and they swallow it whole
I have tried to wipe the memories of F&T meeting which I hated but my mother's blubbering away in her first chance to bare her testimony are burned into my synapses forever.
In a military ward, we had a cute 14 year-old girl get up to the mike to bear her testimony, and began sobbing that a missionary she was in love with got transferred. It was unusual and mortifying.
Mormon artist Arnold Frieberg was in my childhood ward in the early 70s. He once showed up at fast and testimony meeting dressed as a Canadian Mounty (he was obsessed with Canadian Mountys and had many paintings that included or featured them). It was shocking enough because Arnold seldom came to church. He even had a sword that was given to him by a senior Canadian official. He walked in during the middle of the meeting and walked straight to the pulpit. After 20 minutes of documenting the history of the Mountys and describing features of the uniform, he said "thank you" and proceeded to walk out of the building.
Well, all the same, it had to be an interesting fast 'n' testimony meeting, which is very rare. We did have a new guy, who, when we still didn't know who he was, get up and tell us all about a revelation, when the Lawd whispered audibly in his ear and called him by name: "Daniel! Daniel!" We were all like, "WTF?"
A guy in the late 70's early 80's giving a testimony about the evils of satellites. Because even if you don't have cable TV, the satellites are beaming R rated movies all around you wherever you go.
Those meetings were always torture for me. What seemed like forced quivering voices to sound more overcome by the spirit. The boring stories. The bragging about vacations or anything, then hurrying and saying something about the lord blessed you with it, just to make it seem like it wasn't a brag. From little kid to adult, hated that meeting.
Had an ex-bishop who was also a Postman. The guy was about 60 years old at this point. He did a testimony every single month and they were always long and rambling.
I recall one of his testimonies (probably about the only one I recall) was about how he was delivering a letter in a block of flats, and the 'whollyghost' told him to put his post bag in front of his crotch. Just then a dog ran out of an apartment and sunk it's teeth into his bag, at crotch level.
pretty standard F&T testimony you may think. This guy managed to make that one single story last for an hour, repeated the exact same incident a dozen times in a dozen different ways, and used the word 'crotch' about 100 times.
Whether one goes in or out of my side kitchen door, if they look upward, under the shade of the roof, they will notice a mother bird feeding her babies (about 6 of them!), in the nest she made for them. As it would appear, she gets food for them to eat from my back yard (where I have a lemon and orange tree), and then stuffs a sample of these fruits down their greedy little throats.
Her service to her little ingrates is very short, as they immediately complain--with their little mouths wide open, making a sound, while impatiently awaiting their next feeding.
By the way, I can see all this drama with my kitchen door closed, by looking through the closed window.