Reading your ziller thread I wanted to reply but it was closed.

Growing up with parents focused on themselves and people outside our home I never learned to value myself. I felt like I was stealing happy feelings when I had them. It is hard to get beyond this feeling. I was so sensitized to other people's feelings that my own especially the ones about myself were confusing. The surest and most natural feeling was to basically survive and do whatever it took to do that hoping natural happy feelings would happen sooner or later.

The problem is when you live in constant low level stress happiness is always going to feel stolen.

And finding people who make you feel that way nearly impossible. You will always feel that you feel happy with them for what you do than for who you are. No wonder victims of abuse are so drawn to substances and abuse them. It is feeling good without all the emotional baggage.

So, in light of my advice to live and to try I hope you understand when I say try I mean try new things but alas you need to try harder with people more than people who don't get raised stuck in emotional survival mode.

I know best friend ziller is just a joke. It was funny. But there is a kernel of reality there. I'm still trying to find out what real friendship is like and I'm over 50. I can accept I might never be able to do it.

I found a spouse who loves me deeper than anyone ever had but it still doesn't cure the emotional neglect and twisted learning of how to be a social person I learned growing up.

Good luck and here's to trying. They say trying can't hurt. That's a lie but it being a lie isn't an excuse not to. Just avoid behaviors and substances that feel good without emotional investment.

Being vulnerable when it is against everything that feels natural isn't an easy try.

Topping for Adam in case he missed this thoughtful post.


Elder Berry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ... I never learned to value myself.

> No wonder victims of abuse are so drawn
> to substances and abuse them. It is feeling good
> without all the emotional baggage.

Insightful, EB. Your experiences and willingness to share them help others to understand more about this aspect of growing and developing into the person one would like to be and the life they would like to lead, sometimes against all odds due to childhood trauma.


> I found a spouse who loves me deeper than anyone
> ever had but it still doesn't cure the emotional
> neglect and twisted learning of how to be a social
> person I learned growing up.

It's understandable that our childhood experiences go deep as at a young age we are so vulnerable and impressionable. Some hurts dig deep into our hearts and take root for our lifetimes. That's why it's an epic tragedy when parents hurt, rather than help, their children. Life is challenging enough without having to carry a load of childhood baggage along behind throughout adulthood.


> Just avoid behaviors and
> substances that feel good without emotional
> investment.

Very good advice.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2022 01:52PM by Nightingale.

Thanks. I hope he reads this. If I could have gone back in time to my younger self...

Elder Berry, I enjoyed reading your post.

Thanks. I hope Adam sees it.

Topping for Adam.

Okay, I figured out that you're writing mainly for Adam Warrior, who started this thread:

https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,2450032,2454061#msg-2454061

Thanks, very instructive posts about some stuff that I'm also currently thinking about.