Posted by:
adam
(
)
Date: December 21, 2022 08:49PM
Dear friends,
I've been lurking here for a number of years now. Thanks for your involvement in this site. You have helped me a lot, Elder Berry, Susan, SusieQ#1, cl2, etc. Please don't be offended if I didn't thank you by name.
I guess I'm now finding myself at a point in life where perhaps I'm ready to take another step. Please don't be too harsh. If I say something that offends you it might just be a misunderstanding, so please don't jump to conclusions. I can take any and all criticism, no matter how rude or uncomfortable. I'll be okay. It's just that I feel much better when people are considerate, thoughtful and gracious.
The things I've seen, I can't unsee.
The things that were done to me can't be undone.
The things I've come to understand through experiences, be it voluntarily or involuntarily, are an integral part of who I am today.
I would like to be accepted as a human with these experiences.
I don't want to be part of a club where the price of entry is the continuous demonstration of one's willingness to deny an important part of reality.
I know that I'm not the only one who has seen things he shouldn't have had to see.
I'm not the only one who has had things done to him that no human should have to experience.
Here is the advice that I'm hearing: Don't bring it up. Your date does not want to know about this stuff. Your coworkers don't want to know about it. Your family doesn't want to deal with this stuff. If you try to tell people about it, they will not want to be your friends anymore, so keep it to yourself. Go see a professional counselor. He can help you deal with it.
They seldomly if ever specify how this professional is going to be of help. It often feels more like a way to offload the problem to someone else.
My main issue with this type of advice is that I'm not looking for professional help so that I can learn to be quiet. I'm already pretty good at that. I get it, the show must go on, as they say. But does it really? Yes, the system will crush anyone and anything that threatens it's existence. And yes, many have tried to live authentic and honest lives and failed. So what? It's my life, as the song goes.
I'm looking for help so that I can become conscious of how I'm feeling. Often I'm under the impression that I might be feeling something, but that there's no outlet for that feeling. If I cry, will there be someone there that will hear my crying? Life is harsh.
I'm a romantic. I will never stop believing that there is purpose in honesty and kindness. I will never stop believing in love.
I'd like to feel sad and cry; I'd like feel feel angry and hurt; I'd like to feel love and all the feelings in between. But alas, I'm not feeling much, as everything must stay repressed until — what? I don't know what?
I called the national helpline once, late at night, a few years ago, when it seemed like the right thing to do. After hearing just a little part of my story, the person on the other end said that what I was recounting could not be true. "It's simply not possible. It's not believable." Well then, I guess that's that. Thanks for taking some time to listen. I'm already feeling slightly better.
One theory that I'm considering is this: We live in an oligarchy with an established dominance hierarchy. Social control is pervasive. People are weak. They are herd animals. They don't want to be singled out. Rather, they want to fit in. So when there's something that went wrong, they want to distance themselves from that thing that happened. That this act of distancing oneself also means that there's a human there that they are distancing themselves from, a human that didn't choose to be there, see that, submit to that. This must remain an afterthought. The illusion must be kept alive, humanity be damned.
"The church is perfect, but it's members are not." Well then, whom are you serving? The church or your community? The church doesn't need you, it's already perfect. Your neighbors needs you.
From Matthew, chapter 25 (KJV)
31 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:
32 And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:
33 And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.
34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
41 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:
42 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:
43 I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.
44 Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?
45 Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.
Nowadays, I guess if you take time to be there for someone — without getting paid — you're just stupid. I know that's not true for everyone. There exist people who will listen, understand and, without being condescending or judgemental, offer a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. Hence this post.
So, dear friends, how do you deal with stuff?
Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 12/21/2022 09:28PM by adam.