Date: April 22, 2023 11:27AM
The love of my life passed away at 12:57 AM on Tuesday, April 18th, with a gathering of our children and grandchildren around her in the ICU. It's been one of the most painful, stressful, difficult weeks of our lives.
Thankfully, she was able to share some goodbyes with everyone after they took her off the ventilator and before they stopped her levophed (norepinephrine).
My heart is broken but I am grateful that she is free from pain and suffering. She had been on oral chemo for three months due to myelodysplastic syndrome (bone marrow not producing enough healthy red blood cells). She went to the ER early Sunday morning with chest pain and difficulty breathing. After cardiac catheterization and an echocardiogram, the cardiologist told me she had Takotsubo or stress-induced cardiomyopathy and her mitral valve was leaking badly causing severe pulmonary edema.
At one point, the cardiologist consulted with others about the possibility of attaching a clip to the leaflets of her mitral valve but she was not deemed a good candidate for the procedure.
It's been so hard. Every reminder of her, seen or heard, breaks me down. Our family doctor prescribed some Lorazepam but I don't want to numb the pain. I'm in the bargaining stage of grief: powerful regrets and an intense desire to be with her once again.
On a long walk this week, two thoughts came to me: first, that she has returned to the source of life and infinite love; and second, that I need to be strong and live long for our children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. And then I broke down into sobbing, as I have so many times in the last seven days.
Shortly after my wife's passing, our three-year-old great granddaughter was coming to visit and her mom said that she suddenly shouted, "I love you so much" and she asked her mom if she heard grandma say "I love you so much." She also said, "Grandma is well."
Today is her Celebration of Life at the mortuary in a room called the Atrium. It has a beautiful view of the sky and the mountains facing east. It's a peaceful and beautiful setting, in which I hope my wife's close family and friends will find a measure of comfort and healing.
Two months ago, around her birthday, she said she really liked a poem, "When I Go" by Donna Ashworth, and we included it in her Celebration of Life program with a "Golden sunrise" picture in the background, taken from the top of Diamond Head during our Christmas visit to Oahu in 2010.
One of many songs we'll be playing in the background is "I'll Be There" by The Escape Club. I remember playing it over and over on a solo return trip from Southern Utah, as I was anxious to get home to my Love.
Through tears and hugs,
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2023 11:34AM by cuzx.