When did you first say even an internal, "No" to either the church's rhetoric or its demands on you? Throwing this out for discussion.

As most of you know, I was a born-and-raised Catholic. My first, "No" was to the notion that birth control is not in any way okay. Still a believer as a young teen, I accepted birth control as a loving gift from God to the much-beset women of this world. It was my first, "No."

I remember saying no to a church calling. The bishop seemed surprised that I didn't just comply. He asked me to talk to my husband and pray about it. LOL

For some reason, I never seemed to have a problem saying, "No." I don't like to be pushed into things that I don't want to do. I tend to push back when someone tries to do that to me.

I said very little. I wasn’t home much anyways due to work. I didn’t have many friends in the ward. It was one of those big growing Utah wards you are just a number.

I never said no.

And no one who asked about my faith seemed too upset with me ID'ing as an atheist.  I honestly think that mormons prefer exmos to say their atheist rather than joining another church.

I believe there are people in high positions in the church who are mormon atheists.  The pay is good, and the atheist part means they don't really ever sweat it.

I've mentioned that after I faded away in the mid-1970s, I was always mormon-friendly and that circa 1994, after vetting me regarding the WofW and sexual propriety, I was called to be the ward Cub Scout Packmaster and was given a key to the chapel.  

No doubt they hoped to get their hooks into my eight-year-old, who was in cub scouts with mormon schoolmates, and then his five-year-old brother, along with the spirit filling me with the desire to reactivate.

It didn't work.

I'll never resign...  No way will I allow them to rebaptize me, via the kind ministrations of my TBM daughter.  (Plus, when they decide to refund tithing, I'll be able to get in line!)

I like mormons; they're my tribe, even the White ones!

About 1965, Idaho Falls. I was in the Navy, there were some Navy test sites out there. I fell in lust and did a hormonal conversion. My job required me to travel a lot. I was introduced to some mormon "Shadowy Figures" who tried to talk me into going into public libraries and stealing or checking out & "losing" books critical of the morg. *Study in Scarlet* by A.C. Doyle, *Riders of the Purple Sage* by Zane Gray, like that.

I said "no," walked out, never went back.

The Mountain Home Air Force Base library had an extensive collection of anti, pro and historical books on Mormonism and several if its off shoots

I bet if they knew they'd pressure service members to destroy the collection.

About 1971-72 I just quit attending. No grief from my parents...and I didn't expect any.

Upon returning from my two years of wretched door knocking the bishop and both counselors called me into a meeting. They wanted me to be a young men leader over the priest quorum. I squirmed, it was brutal, but three on one and I caved.

As I drove home, I didn't make it a half a mile. Internal rage took over. I turned around and went back. Both counselors had left so it was me and the bish.

He was surprised to see me so soon and I simply said, "I have been waiting for two years to be free. I decline the calling".

He applied the screws again, but I was firm and simply said "no". That was that and I felt awesome that I turned him down.

the whole situation I found myself in was insane. It is impossible to know what it was.

I had somehow dodged all talks for a primary program. Then last minute they wanted me to give the opening prayer. I said no.

The day they planned a 5am "special" temple session and"asked" me to go. There is no 5am on my clock. Oh, maybe for fishing.

I crossed my fingers behind my back when I made promises in the temple.

The first one I remember was saying I was interested in scouting, particularly Webelos at age 10.

My parents threw a fit that I wasn't following the sacred plan of god and embracing scouting.

At Age 15 I turned down being the teachers quorum president. My parents threw a fit. I reminded them I'd turn 16 in three weeks and it was silly to he the president for three Sundays.

By 17 I'd quit mutual, refused to go to firesides.

At 18 I dropped seminary, but somehow ended up graduating from it.

I fled home to join the military as soon as I could and avoided the mission growing experience.

Ironically, I ended up helping someone get baptized.

Saying no is a better option than saying yes and doing nothing.

Not going Wrote:
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> Saying no is a better option than saying yes and
> doing nothing.......UNTIL ITS CONSIDERED HOW MUCH FHAT lD$ INC LIES AND FAILS TO DELIVER ON ITS CLAIMS......THEN ITS THE PREFERRED OPTION

When I was about 7 years old, so about 1968. Always hated church. Had an innate feeling that it was not what I was here for. Realized very early that "no" gave me some power over the adults that were shoving the church down my throat.

I was in bed watching TV one night about 10:30. I was in my pjs, had already washed my face, glasses, etc. There was a knock at the door and my husband answered it. It was a member of the bishopric who wanted to talk to me. I couldn't convince my husband to tell him that I was already in bed. I put on a sweatshirt and met the member of the bishopric in the living room. He didn't even apologize for the late hour and wanted to know if I would take a calling. I already had a calling, he just wanted to give me second one. I barely let him finish before I flat out said, "No."

My husband was so mad at me. It occurred to me later that he was mad because the bishopric had probably already asked him if the calling was ok for me. He most likely felt like my refusal made him look bad. Oh well.

Uggh. Your husband should have discussed this with you ASAP instead of playing along with their process behind your back. The fact they even approached him (first!) is disgusting. It's like they don't think women are responsible for making their own decisions.

I HATED the unannounced visits to my house from church people. That alone would have made me irritated.

In older times, no calling was extended to a family member whether wife or children, without asking the head of household first.

Was from a time when the corporation recognized men as priesthood leaders of the home.

It was not uncommon for husbands to go to the bishop and tell him to release a family member. My father did this several times, he also told the bishop no on several occasions.

Eventually the corporation quit asking the head of household first. I think they grew tired of being told to release people or being told no.

Of course over time the role of father, priesthood leader, head of household and even husband was neutered from the rank and file male members.

Just another change from a bye gone era.

I am not sure I agree with you on this point. As recently as 15 years ago I saw bishops check with husbands before making decisions about wives. It's probably not as blatant as in the more distant past, but it still happened. Of course the bishops were then in their seventies, meaning that they had grown up in the environment you describe.

The irony is that in some situations--and I suspect this has been the case for many decades--the church treats the wife as the head of the household. For example, if a man has a conflict with a bishop or stake president, or if the man goes inactive, the church treats him as dead weight and go directly to the wife as representative of the home. There's a clear sense that priesthood authority only exists as long as the husband stays onside. Once he's shown some independence, he's worse than a non-Mormon and "amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man."

I would guess that the practice of asking priesthood holders if their wives and other family members can take callings still goes on today. It probably happens more with older bishops who have become accustomed to the tradition. Around the time that I left the church not quite ten years ago, the bishop approached my husband to ask if it was ok to extend a calling to me. A female TBM friend of mine had the same experience more recently.

I don't think I said "no" to a calling until the last one they made...just before I exited for good.

I had been in the bishopric (ugh) and was released. Bishop came to me with a new calling to be the secretary for the high priest group.

I'm 46 at the time, working full-time, and thoroughly enjoying being single. No way I wanted to be secretary for a bunch of old retired dudes that had nothing better than to meet all the time. And be the lapdog.

That was an easy one to say, "No way." I don't think I even had to explain, it was evident why.

About 1975. Convert since 1972. I was very pregnant with my first baby and the RS president asked me to be over the nursery. No one told me what the calling was about so I never went. She came back and ripped me a new one. That was the beginning.

I guess you were magically supposed to know what to do and where to be! LOL. You dodged a bullet.

I was the nursery "leader" for a while. It was not a good experience.

One time the bishop's wife tore into me because I didn't want to help with a giant primary activity. I said, "If no one wants to do this, why are we doing it?" She said, "Because the Bishop said so!" She was pissed to have someone push back. I do not miss the weird cat fights some of those ward control freak ladies had.

My mom had reminded me to tell the Aaronic Priesthood advisor, Brother Blowhard, that my dad required me to go with him to Roseville to load up scrap wood from a molding company which freely discarded small cuts of plywood. The Goops burned those discarded cuts in a wood stove to heat the house.

So I told them the week before that I would not be attending the youth trip to the Oakland temple. Brother Blowhard came over to my house anyways on Saturday morning. Instead of my mom holding her own and telling Blowhard "No" she woke me up and told me to get ready while she ironed my Sunday clothes.

I had a horrible day with Blowhard at the temple. And my dad was really teed off about leaving him with all the work as it took two people to shovel and sweep the cuttings into the back of the truck. My dad hurt his back and was almost unbearable.

Then my mom let me have it.-Messy, you knew that your father needed your help. Why didn't you tell those leaders that wouldn't be attending last Sunday?

I told her I did tell them No. And I asked mom- Why didn't you tell them that I was unable to attend the temple today?

She told me- They're your priesthood leaders. I couldn't say No to them.

There was no winning in your household, was there?

summer Wrote:
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> There was no winning in your household, was there?

Not really.

She was good at not sending me to Sunday night firesides and early morning seminary. However, it wasn't about the church being too demanding as it involved her driving me and she didn't want to spend time getting up earlier or driving out of her way. Seminary was in the wrong direction on her way to work.

My first and last time was while I was working for the church IT department. After 3 years there they were getting a bit abusive IMO and I sent a letter complaining about certain things they were doing (long story).

I sent a copy to the presiding bishopric, my director, my manager and his manager, hr and a couple others.

After they retaliated I increased my efforts to find another job. I was done with that place. My bishop was replaced with some jerk who received a call from the church. Which 'inspired' him to give me another calling. I told him he can keep it.

Shortly afterwards I began to here "stories" about me. One of my kids heard some of them and was pissed. He knew they weren't true and apparently they were coming from the new bishop. Yeah. I was stunned.

I haven't gone back after all that. Somehow it annoys family when I tell them the church is true depending who's running it at the time ;-)

A week after I came home from my mission the stake president called me to be the elders quorum teacher. I said no, and that I just wanted to sit and listen for a change. He looked like I was about to be swallowed up into the bowels of the earth. A year later I just disappeared and moved away.

Saying "no" is speaking truth to power.

Speak truth to all that abuse you both in and out of the church.