Posted by:
elderolddog
(
)
Date: January 06, 2024 09:46PM
When he and his dad got to the Salt Lake Mission Home, it was a reverent madhouse; just over two hundred kids were being dropped off within the two-hour timeframe the instruction letters had mentioned.
The manner of the ‘drop-off’ ran a predictable gamut. At one extreme were the partings like PG and his dad. They unloaded his two suitcases, they shook hands, did a quick, but manly, hug, and then PG turned, picked up his suitcases, and hustled up the steps and into the building’s foyer. His dad returned to the truck, got in and drove off. There were no long, lingering looks.
At the other extreme were those parents, few in number, who demanded to enter the Mission Home to help get their child ‘situated’; you know the type…
There were more than a few who felt that they were above the 'no parents' rule due to a circumstance that they were, at first, eager to explain, and then as time wore on, were insistent on explaining! Accusations about the rule being stupid, along with those enforcing it, were few, but sincere.
But the instructions had been clear, and they were enforced: no parents could enter the Mission Home and none did. Nothing served to get the rule waived, no matter what was said, because the rule had the imprimatur of the Prophet and it WAS enforced! PG didn’t pay any attention to how these situations played out, he frankly didn’t care.
In between the two extremes were the rest, involving at least a little angst, and in many cases tears, the missionary’s, the parents…or both. One, or both sides, just didn’t want to part, especially knowing that if everything went according to plan, it would be two to two-and-a-half years before they’d see each other again, with their only two permitted phone calls, on Mother's Day and Christmas, of each year. Yeah, even if a kid from Brigham Fork served, say, in Las Vegas, he or she was only permitted to speak with the family on those two dates.
The two-and-a-half-year period was for the ‘hard language’ missions, where the language, one not taught at the LTM, had to be learned in the field. Those missionaries were felt to be virtually useless for six months, thus the mission calls were for the longer period. These included missions with Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Tagalog, Samoan, etc. languages.
Once inside the lobby of the Salt Lake Mission Home, PG got in one of the lines leading to a table, behind which stood some male adults in suits (What else!). Well-trained as he was in the ways of the Mormon Church, PG patiently moved forward and eventually got face-to-face with one of the adults. He was asked for his name, and he responded. The adult consulted a list on his clipboard and found PG’s name. He then picked up an index card and wrote ‘B-12’ on it, handed it over to PG, and said, "You’re in the basement, down those steps (pointing), room B-12," and then he looked over PG’s shoulder, at the next Elder in line.
With the index card tucked into a coat pocket, he picked up his two suitcases and made for the staircase. At the bottom of the staircase, there was only one direction to turn, and PG headed down the wide corridor. There were rooms on both sides, beginning with B-2; they were all even numbers.
When PG got to B-12, he pushed open the door. He would never lose this memory: The room was like the motel rooms the family had occasionally stayed in on trips, with one double bed, a chest of drawers, and a door, presumably leading to a bathroom.
Again: one double bed! And there were already two suitcases at the foot of the bed!! PG, in a daze, advanced into the room, with the double bed the focus of his attention…
He put his two suitcases next to the bed and glanced at the other two suitcases. Each had a tag. He leaned over and read one of the tags: ‘Kip Bowler,’ with an address in St. George, UT.
PG, who was not averse to saying words his mother did not want him to say, said some. And a statement was declared in his mind: ‘I’m not sleeping in a double bed with another guy!’
It’s easy to understand that as the only boy in the family, he had no memory of ever sharing a bed. And on camping trips, sure he shared a tent, but they were in sleeping bags, for crap’s sake!!
PG easily dismissed the idea that someone had thought two women were assigned to the room because for sure, no one could possibly mistake Plutarch Grant Dollinger for a girl’s name. ...Or could they? No!!
PG whirled and strode out of the room, intent on finding someone who would restore justice, mete out fair play, and preserve the American Way!
Back up in the lobby, he struggled his way to the front of the table, where he showed his index card, with the B-12 on it, to another male adult who was acting all in charge and tried to explain that he was a male, and there was a double bed… He wanted to add, ‘What the hell!?’ but refrained. He wasn’t ready yet to bring out the big guns.
Who can say what the gentleman truly thought of the issue at hand? What PG heard from the man was, “Okay, give us a bit and we’ll sort it out.”
Well of course they would, PG assured himself! He wandered over to a front-facing window; there was still polite chaos going on in front of the building. PG wondered if Kip Bowler was out there, saying more farewells to whoever had brought him up from St. George? Or was Elder Bowler also looking for a redress of grievances? Surely, he, too, would have some concerns!
We'll cut to the chase. The two new Elders finally met up in the room a bit later and exchanged assurances of 100% masculinity and a deep interest in correcting the obvious error.
They didn’t know it, although the suspicion should have been present, that the Mormon Church had a rule that covered this situation: two or more male elders could NOT share the same bed! It was in black in white, and certainly those in charge there knew it.
And because they did not know that this was a set-in-stone rule they ended up accepting what they were told… They got a little talking about how, because the church was growing so rapidly and soooo many missionaries were accepting Mission Calls, the physical side of the church was not able to keep up with the wonderful and positive spiritual side, and this unfortunate manifestation of success translated into trials and tribulations ... blah blah blah.
In short, they were told, ‘You guys aren’t homosexual deviants: you know that we know that, so work with us here!!’
And the boys did. It was awkward, but they did it. They were doing the Lord’s work and the Lord’s very own servants had asked them to carry this small cross, to bear this light burden.
But PG would never forget the night he woke up, laying on his back, with Elder Bowler to his right, laying on his left side, snuggled up against PG, with his right arm thrown across PG’s chest. PG used the thumb and forefinger of his left hand to pick up Kip’s right arm at the wrist and move it off his body. Then he inched away a bit, tossed Kip’s limp right hand and arm away, rolled onto his left side, and went back to sleep.
...
During the week at the Salt Lake Mission Home, several, for PG, remarkable events took place. On Wednesday, the highlight, for the priesthood holders, was the visit to the Salt Lake Temple. Although both sexes went through a regular temple session, only the males, at the session’s completion, were invited to meet with the General Authorities.
The Lady Missionaries were excused, likely to do something more in line with their weaker constitutions. PG had no idea what they’d gone off to do, and it never occurred to him to find out...
From the Celestial Kingdom room, the men, who’d been told not to sit on the couches or chairs in the CK room, were led up a staircase to the floor above, which turned out to be a big assembly hall, with a double podium, meaning a podium level above the main floor, and then a second podium level higher than the first podium level. The Elders were on the main floor, and members of the church hierarchy were seated on the two higher levels.
After the Elders were seated, one of the General Authorities on the stand gave them a pep talk; if that worthy man was identified by name, PG didn’t catch it and he never even gave it a second thought. It was a weird experience, and he was way outside his comfort zone. If you know how the males dress in the temple, you’ll know why the comfort zone wasn’t even in sight. PG was not rocking the baker’s hat. The GAs were in regular suits and ties.
After the first talk, whoever it was who was presiding spoke for a few minutes about how a lot of details regarding the Plan of Salvation had not been revealed, but that it did not matter because the gospel was plain and simple.
But men being the curious creatures they are, many a church member ‘wondered’ about the facts that had not been made plain, and so, as he was sure all the Elders were aware, members of the church had identified a number of these ‘skimpy’ issues with their speculative considerations. Thus, a category of thoughts existed in the church that had come to be known as “The Mysteries.”
...
Truly, there remain to this day more mysteries in Mormonism than solid, dependable, unchanging, everlasting Truths! Just ask Black folk! Originally, they were ‘fence-sitters’ who had totally screwed themselves for all Eternity by not taking a stance during the War in Heaven but were still happy just to get a body.
(Lately, from all appearances, the only constant the Mormon Church holds to is that everything changes.)
In PG’s time, Mormon mysteries enjoyed a degree of popularity, and we were free to discuss them during the various classes of Priesthood, Sunday school, and Seminary. Yes, we knew that there were no ‘final answers,’ but there were no rules that said we were forbidden to discuss our Mormon mysteries.
And since the teachers were just flawed human beings holding minor (and unpaid or low-paid) callings in the church, there was never any reason to suppose that a solid, unqualified answer would ever be given to a ‘mysteries’ question.
But that wasn’t the case during the session up in the Temple Assembly Hall. The men on the stands were the top dawgs of the Mormon Way of Life, the holders of ALL the Keys to the Kingdom. They were the ones who were authorized to take the Mormon-mobile out for a drive, with no regard to speed limits or rules of the road. And they didn’t have to be home before dark.
According to available records, the most asked question during these ‘no holds barred’ sessions was, ‘Where are the Lost Ten Tribes of Israel?’ At some point in time the go-to answer became, ‘Well, Elder, if we knew that, they wouldn’t be lost, now would they?’
Rumor had it that the bigwigs would draw straws for the privilege of being able to be the one to supply that hilarious answer.
PG endured, and the week passed quickly. PG and Elder Bowler got along fine. They were both Utah semi-farm boys who had each done well in school. They had almost everything in common...
And then it was on the LTM!
Yes, this is the time Joseph Fielding Smith was flipped the bird by a future Hall of Shame missionary!!