Posted by:
shannon
(
)
Date: July 21, 2011 08:27PM
Honestly, not much, I'm sorry to say. He's a grown adult, he's been in the prison system already, and he is non-compliant with his medication. RAD is a horrible, insidious mental illness that suddenly exploded in the 90's as the Iron Curtain fell and hordes of Americans flooded Eastern Europe to adopt from orphanages.
An infant's brain is hard-wired to bond with a mother-figure. When parenting (loving, cuddling, talking, cooing, smiling, touching, feeding, and generally being responsive to a baby's cries) is non-existent - due to institutionalization or abuse/neglect - it is nearly impossible to re-wire a child's brain. The neural pathways are already set. As a result of the horrific neglect in infancy, the child does not develop a sense of trust and cannot bond with others. It's tragic.
Starry-eyed adoptive parents (and I especially put many Mormons in this category, who felt they had a revelation from God to adopt an orphan for their eternal family) simply think that enough love and prayers can overcome any obstacle. I saw a local Bishop and his sister's family disrupt a total of 5 Russian adopted children mere months after bringing them to America. They simply could not manage the stress or the danger to their other children (RAD kids are often scary violent). The experiences of those two families affected an entire Florida ward.
In my personal and professional opinion, I believe that some of the neural pathways in a YOUNG child's brain can be re-wired with intensive, intensive therapy and intervention. I did a lot of "holding therapy" with Sasha - hours worth each day - trying to get her to bond with me. I re-parented her and went all the way back to infancy. She was a very tiny 7-year-old (35 pounds and malnourished) so I could hold her like a baby.
I rocked her, sang her lullabies, gazed into her eyes for hours (RAD kids don't like to make eye contact), I touched her and rubbed/patted her back, fed her bottles, let her have a pacifier . . . all the things you do with a little baby . . . in the hope that her brain could re-wire permanently and she'd be able to love and trust one day.
We were partially successful. As long as she had an excellent psychiatrist, counseling, and really good psychotropic meds, she did fairly well. But when she hit adolescence, and her hormones started popping, all hell broke loose. She was a definite danger to herself and others. She constantly ran away. She was basically in a revolving door to psych hospitals. My other children suffered from the constant drama.
We finally gave up, too. She threatened to burn the house down while we were all sleeping. I BELIEVED HER. She had a long history of violent behavior - when she was small she actually broke the cat's femur in two on purpose because I asked her to clean her room.
She is now living independently but is on SSI. Her bio sister is her guardian. As long as she is med compliant, she functions fairly well and she is a joy to have around. But she still has problems. She was in the psych hospital a few days last week. She steals from all of us regularly. She'll lie if she gets a whim, which is often. She sometimes disappears to the beach and hangs out on the boardwalk with the homeless people. <SIGH>
But I do love her. We have a bond, although not as deep and "permanent" as I have with my other children, including her Russian sister.
If your son is unwilling to take medication, there is not much hope that, at age 31, he will suddenly turn around and live a normal life. Actually, prison is sometimes a good place for adults with RAD because they are forced to take medication, there is structure in their life, and they cannot harm themselves or others - plus YOU get a respite from the drama. I know that sounds heartless to say but that may be the best you can hope for.
Adults with RAD can become sociopathic and a danger to society. They have no conscience and do not understand cause-effect thinking. So, he's likely to re-offend in some manner again and wind up back in the legal system.
SSI and psychotropic meds are the best you can hope for in this situation, I believe. I know you love your son. And it's agonizing for us parents when that love is not returned in full, especially after all the sacrifices and resources we have poured into their lives.
Good luck. Really, I mean that. I wish I could be of more help.
Sorry this turned into a dissertation everyone. ;o) This topic is truly my passion (as all the old-timers already know).
Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 07/21/2011 08:47PM by shannon.