Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: June 28, 2017 03:04AM
No matter what your situation happens to be, the best way out is straight through the middle.
1) Hire a detective, or, if you can't afford one, become a spy, yourself. A private detective is cheaper than therapy, and if you know the truth, it will save you years of guilt, and wondering "what if I had done something else."
My ex-husband obviously didn't love me, and he didn't love our children, either--and we were good at being a loving, nurturing family for him--we gave him everything, and did everything we could to please him.
If someone had given me the good advice to hire a detective, I would have found out about his numerous serial sexual affairs, and I would have left him sooner. (He was a "good Mormon boy" that I met at BYU.) His cruelty, spanking the kids with a coat hanger, calling us names, his neglect, his never going to the children's sports games or school activities or Scout activities, his broken promises, his lack of respect for us as human beings, caused us to suffer from low self-esteem. We did recover, once he abandoned us for good, but it took years, and therapy for me and my daughter. My sons didn't get married until they were 35 and 37, and my daughters were 26 and 28. They had issues to work on, first, so they concentrated on their educations and careers, until they were ready. They have spouses, homes, and children, and are very happy, now, but the divorce was the hardest on the oldest child, who was 13, and easier on the younger children.
Because you have "no sex life at all", the chances are high that your husband is getting it elsewhere.
Next, you need to get as much control of your assets as possible, without him realizing what you are doing. You will need money to pay a good divorce attorney. My cheating ex abandoned us without any money, and refused to pay child support, even. I had to sue him. We got a few months of minimal support, but my ex had successfully hidden all of his assets. Even though we had to struggle at first, my children and I got the better deal. We had each other, we had love, integrity, new self-respect, and self-reliance. Had we remained duped by my narcissistic ex, and entrapped in the Mormon cult, I hate to think what might have become of us.
Yes, 8 more years does sound like a prison sentence. I'm sad for you. I pray you have the strength to face up to this, and to do whatever is best for you and your children. Go for the "universal good", meaning, what is best for you AND what is best for the children. You will face some tough decisions.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.