Posted by:
Queen of Denial
(
)
Date: November 02, 2011 01:27PM
My dad did it, in a furtive ceremony on a Tuesday in the bishop's office. DH was not allowed to even stand in the circle, which didn't really bother him. Instead, one grandpa and few uncles and the bishop stood in. The bishop was really good about it though, and did not make a big deal over DH not being worthy. We had the baby blessed to keep the family at bay for a little while longer and it allowed me to keep sitting on the fence. I was okay with it because a baby blessing isn't important to mormon salvation; in my view, it is a substitute for the pomp of a Catholic christening, since mormons baptize their children at eight.
Interestingly, my oldest son approaching "the age of accountability" (what a crock!!) was a catalyst in my apostasy. It was one thing to bless a baby who would have no memory of the event and another to baptize a child who would remember, when I wasn't sure if mormonism was true. I could not use him as a pawn in my ploy to passively avoid upsetting my mom, but not baptizing him would be making a loud announcement of my disbelief to not just my family, but my friends as well. And at the time, I was still in a bit of a fog as to what I DID believe.
It was an ultimatum: "Get your crap figured out Queen. You've got to start studying and choose your path because you have boys to raise." So, in the year before he turned 8, I finally opened that door I'd been avoiding. I had to know if Joseph Smith was a fraud. I loathed so much of the doctrine that my biggest fear was not that it was all a lie, but that it was actually true. I cracked my first book, one recommended by a very devout mormon and written by another devout mormon, Rough Stone Rolling, and I knew my son would not be baptized. I knew which path to take. I was relieved and at the same time, stressed.
It was an anxious time for me. I dreaded the conversations that would sprout up, and they did come up. How could I tell people that I loved that I no longer believed what they KNEW to be true? My disbelief is offensive to them personally. I disagree with them on a level that is so precious to them, that to not agree with them, in their mind, is like shouting all up in their face, "I think your an ignorant git!" These are people I love! It was a dilemma.
However, I could no longer avoid those conversations. I thought through possible questions and confrontations, composed loosely formed responses and then waited. The month of his birth rolled around and the inquiries started popping up. Then, after months passed and he was still unbaptized a few of my more forward family members confronted me about my beliefs. I was prepared, but it didn't make the conversations easy.
Best of luck to you MiB. I'm curious to hear what happens and if there's any fallout. I'm sorry you have to deal with a&^holes.