I'm a longtime lurker, and I'm contemplating how to deal with something that I know you all will have some great suggestions on.

Five years ago, my family was asked to leave and never return to a particular evangelical church, because we had adopted a child, which for some reason the leadership felt was some kind of unforgivable sin. The reasoning was explained to us a few times, but honestly, it sounded like the incoherent rantings of a cult leader, and that made us want to get far, far away from these people. So we agreed that they were welcome to take our membership record and shove it.

We continued to get that church's junk mail for a while, but it stopped after I emailed, demanding to be removed from the mailing list. But we've started getting their garbage again -- to our new address, which I'm not even sure how they discovered.

We don't want anything to do with them. And they really don't want anything to do with us, either -- we're Pagan now, and it suits us very well. We don't even want our letter carrier to think we associate with people like them. We're planning on returning the latest piece of trash, but I'd like to write a note on the still-sealed envelope, something really scathing, that will have the church secretary all too eager to remove us from every list and database she can find.

And that's why I came here, because I know you all will have some really awesome, hilarious, to-the-point ideas. So, what would you write, if you had the opportunity?

Say what you just said here to a video camera, show their literature.

Send them a letter thanking them for their literature and stating that you decided to issue an open reply, which you posted on YouTube. Provide them the link. Offer to take down the YouTube video when they acknowledge in writing that you will never hear from them again.

Go to one of their services, very loudly thank them for their kind invitation, especially in light of [describe adoption incident]. Make a real spectacle of yourself in public.

Maybe not what you had in mind, but it would certainly get your point across.

Obtain a prohibitory order from the US Postal Service. This will make it illegal for them to mail anything to you.

This is the process:
1.Go to this link:
http://about.usps.com/forms/all-forms.htm

2. Print out Form 1500 (Note: Form 1500 refers to sexually oriented advertising. Do not worry, according to the US Supreme Court, only you, the recipient, is allowed to decide what is or is not offensive. People - including myself - have successfully used this against junk mailers of all types.)

3.Complete Form 1500, and attach an opened piece of mail from the church in question (this part is important).

4.Take your completed form and attached mail to your post office and have them forward it to the appropriate postal department.

5.The USPS will then issue a prohibitory order to the sender and send you a copy. 30 days after the order is issued,it will be illegal for the church (or any of its agents) to mail anything to you for five years, and they will be subject to a civil fine for doing so.

It is that simple.

I love it when we can use radical religionist own poorly thought out laws against them.

Never heard about this, brilliant suggestion.

I was going to suggest putting "Return to sender" on the envelope and dropping in the nearest mailbox. Do it enough and they get the message.

Take that photo that shows em all together, and photoshop that pic/drawing, and manipulate said photo and draw toilets underneath them and for the so called "prophet"he can be shown with a toilet brush! for anadded effect, those toilets can be photoshoped with poop running over the rim. This should do the trick! Oh, you can also show Joe Smith holding a manure shovel and MAKE SURE THERE is lots of horse manure in piles going all the way to the ceiling cause they dish out the BS so bad, that folks should know before they join that yes, virginia, there is a false church known for dishing out the BS!

You might also phone him and tell him in a firm voice to look for it and take it seriously to avoid involvement with the police and your attorney. Say they're toying with harassment and stalking.

I'm sympathetic to feelings of aversion about having this junk contaminate your mail box and offend the sensibilities of post office workers.

That's exactly how I felt about the mormon junk I received for many years. Many of the morg stalkers omit return addresses because they know their junk is unwelcome and offensive and they're too cowardly to admit who they are.

Good luck.

Thanks for the replies. They definitely helped my family decide how to react, in order to protect our right to be left alone, and gave us even more thoughts for how we need to respond if they elect not to respect our boundaries. I hope that this will be the end, and we won't ever have a "garden hose" story of our own, but if it comes to that, I feel much more prepared to make sure our response is not only effective, but also a story worth sharing!

Write
"MOVED ADDRESS UNKNOWN"

Junk mail that comes with a self addressed envelope is easy to stop: put all their mail, including their advertising, and envelope they mailed it to you in the envelope and mail it back with the word: REMOVE. Bingo. No more junk mail from them!

There have been plenty of great answers to how to get removed, now for the more important question, striking back. I suggest you find the church's business address and official email account and start signing them up for all kinds of lists.

The email is a gold mine, since you can sign up all those uptight do gooders with some web sights that will help them become more comfortable with their sexuality.