ajhart Wrote:
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> I'm not ever going back to the church, but he said
> something that really struck me...he was like you
> know, if God came down to the Earth today and said
> yeah, mormonism is a stupid load of crap...that
> would be fine...because it's a good life to
> live...I have an awesome life.
I honestly don't mean to make light of this, so please don't take this the wrong way. At the end of the All About the Mormons South Park Episode, the little mormon kid says the same.exact.thing. Something like "I know it's weird and seems hard to believe, but even if it's not true, I have an awesome life as a mormon, doing goofy things with my family and playing games and being happy, so even if it is a bunch of lies, it's still a good life" Additionally, there have been MANY, MANY people here who have shared their correspondence with their parents or siblings about their disbelief, and the reply is almost the exact same thing your guy said, and almost the exact same thing from the South Park episode. "even if it's untrue, I have a great life as a mormon"... I think this is a programmed-in belief. I've read a lot of mormon blogs, and there seems to be a kind of pressure to hammer home that they are happy. Here is an example:
http://skemos.blogspot.com/ (scroll down to the profile blurb on the right "...I've never had a bad day in my life,..." Really? (and this is a Cali mormon, and I don't know about the whole state, but the southern Cali mormons are pretty darn similar to the Utah ones) Is that even possible? If you read the LDS babycenter forum, it's post after post after post of misery, these same people are also trying to prove they are so happy and love their lives. Meanwhile, they sure seem to hate them. Mormonism seems to compel people to strive for a level of perfection that does not exist. So it's fake it till you make it. Talk about how happy you are and how much you love your life enough, and maybe it will keep you from thinking deeply. (not saying your guy is shallow, just making generalization). If mormons were as happy and in love with life as they so commonly proclaim, why does Utah have one of the highest Suicide rates in the country? Again, I'm not saying your guy doesn't love his life and isn't so happy being a mormon, but for most, they won't even let themselves consider an alternative, one ding to the armor and the suppressed human will start breaking through the cracks. If the "happy, happy, joy, joy, if it's a lie, the lifestyle is worth it" mentality wasn't so pervasive, it wouldn't have made it to South Park (the episode is online if you haven't seen it).
That was a very long winded way of saying take his claim with a grain of salt. He's not aiming to mislead you, he just doesn't know he's misled. If it was true that people would still be happy in the church even if they learned it wasn't true, we wouldn't see half the posts we see here, would we?
>
> And I hate it because I used to feel that way and
> I did make better decisions at times when I was
> still active
Of course you did. You were following the rules to stay active. But you know what happens when you make bad decisions? you LIVE. you grow up. You learn. You reap the rewards of vital life experiences, even if the outcome is regrettable. At your age, you are supposed to be living in the real world, testing the limits, learning how to function as an adult in society, without a bunch of rule books and adherence-checkers, watch dogs and overlords making sure that you stay on the right side of the street, color in the lines and only on church approved coloring books (because it would be catastrophic if you let the real world into your morgbot mind). You don't have to be polly anna, you're doing just fine.
and like...he is my absolute ideal
> guy. I swear, he is effing perfect. And the guys
> I've been meeting outside the church are all
> like...guys who don't have their crap
> together...and it's like why does the most perfect
> guy I've ever met believe in all this stuff that I
> could never go back to?
>
He doesn't have his stuff together. He took time off from college to go on a mission. Advancement-wise, he's no further along than he was 2 years ago, or no further than someone 2 years younger. What does he have together that other guys don't? A mormon view of establishment (marriage ASAP, kids while in school, etc.)? This is a facade of maturity.
You are young. So are the guys you are meeting outside the church. Of course they don't have their crap together yet. They're not supposed to. Are they doing anything productive? Going to school, for instance? So they party while they are in school, if that's not for you, find guys who are more studious than rowdy. If you're finding guys who are not in school, or don't have jobs, or have crap jobs with no ambition, then you need to pass them by. What you want is out there, but you're too young to settle down now anyway. So are the normal, non-church-indoctrinated guys. Maybe look for men a few years older? Or just date around and know that as you grow up, so will the men around you. If you're really anxious to meet someone who is established, maybe try online dating, at least you can weed through the ones with red flags before you meet them. But the bottom line is this: you are young, have fun, be fun, enjoy. This is the only youth you're going to have. The mormon race to marriage is just squandering the years that are supposed to be spent discovering the world, and themselves. Many mormon wives are unhappy, or I guess I should say first wives, because they didn't do much living before getting married at an absurdly young age, nor did their spouses. So please trust me when I say that this guy is not your one great, shining hope to find a guy who has his crap together. He's not. Not at all.
I know he seems like the perfect guy, but it's easy to from a distance, or on a working vacation (for all intents and purposes, I mean, it was no picnic for him, but he was away from home) when you both were in Russia. He also believes in things you very much do not. Even if you somehow got together, this would mean a lifestyle that's not the one you want, and your divergent beliefs will create issues between you. The perfect guy is one who fits, not one who would fit if you could just ignore a huge chunk of who he is. It's an unfortunate situation, I really do understand how painful it is.
> I'm so frustrated...I feel like I've taken 10
> steps backwards. Call me crazy for saying this
> but I almost feel like all that horrible crap that
> happens in the church would be worth it to spend
> the rest of my life married to someone like him.
No, no it wouldn't. You would not be able to maintain the facade for life. You would not be able to deal with your life revolving around something you don't believe. And the biggest unknown is how he would react when you finally tell him that you can no longer pretend to believe (and that's a when, not an if). The scenario you are presenting is akin to wearing a way too-tight dress for the rest of your life, just because you really, really like it, and it doesn't come in your size. At some point, you would realize that the dress wasn't really that perfect if it meant feeling so terrible in it, you'd see that it wasn't really the perfect dress, and you'd eventually have to take it off for your own circulation, respiratory and sanity needs.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/18/2011 11:49PM by wittyname.