It would have been perfect day except for the visit from my ultra TBM Home Teacher. I am discussing with DW and strongly pushing for no more HT visits. She can have VT, but please no more HT visits where the HT tells us that if we live our covenants the Lord will help us with our challenges... while quoting the Old Testament. This is why I skip my meetings. I can't take their crap anymore.

That is the beauty of the LD$ Cult.

You don’t have to go to church to hear that crap.

They will bring church to you at your home.

I'm with you on that one. I'll tolerate my VTs, only because we're friends and they've been non-churchy, but there's NO WAY I want HTs coming here. And I really hate the do-your-part-and-you'll-be-able-to-handle-your-trials crap. If that were the case, people wouldn't have nervous breakdowns or commit suicide. Despite what TBMs think, following TSCC's teachings to the letter does not automatically equal a solution to your problems.

I told the HT's to stay away about 25 years ago...they were a sanctimonious couple and the guy especially just gave me the creeps....and my Catholic wife was never comfortable having them here...when I called and told them not to come back, they were mightily insulted...whatever...

I understand how you feel. My mom's HT teacher has this holier than thou attitude. he is a self rightous prick, I'm a young single girl and he would call my cell phone and leave messages like make sure your at church cuz they getting a new bishop. Twice he came to our house and I was sick and he opened my bedroom door to talk to me. this really scared me he crossed my personal boundries. So he was coming again today and asked if I was going to be home, I said no, I 'm going shopping, and that is exactly what I did

Please don't make excuses for why you can't allow his visits. Just tell him, "I do not need HTers. Don't come to my home or send messages because I won't be needing HTer services starting now. Enjoy the time with your own family. Bye." Hang up the phone.

Wouldn't hurt to email or snail mail the same message. If the bish or someone else shows up, tell them the same thing.

I'm appalled with this creep's behavior! How dare he talk to you when you're in your bed!

Added: If your mom wants to talk to him, you don't have to be in the room. If you're in bed when he usually comes to your home, lock the door and if he gets it open, yell at him to go away!"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2012 11:52AM by Cheryl.

We're back in Utah County - going on four years now. I don't think a Home teacher has made any effort at all to visit. I know we were assigned one(probably a pair) but he never showed up as a home teacher. He lives two houses down and we've shared tools and done other neighborly things but not a single churchy message.

I'm pretty sure my Turbo TBM wife is the one I should thank. She does a pretty great job running interferance for me. She has learned from experience that the clumsy efforts to fellowship me only provide me with more ammunition. OK, that sounds too harsh but I'm not sure how to re-word it....uh....Ok how about this: In our current state of differing beliefs, she recognizes the value of maintaining a nuetral environment at home. We both work to maintain mutual respect in an inclusive and loving home. yeah, that's probably a better way to say it.

Either way, I don't miss the monthly bore fest.

Short on time currently, but just wanted to post my first entry on this board. Unfortunately, I have to be a little vague on details because my wife is "Lite TBM" and I'm fairly certain that drones of "THE CHURCH' surf this board for any useable ammunition against people.

I had learned from my previouse marriage to a very inactive LDS woman, whose family where all TBM, that nothing good comes from having a HT visit us. Having the HT visit us was, at least partially, responsible for our divorce. I wish I had time to list all the reasons why having HTs visit is a bad idea, but I don't have time currently.

However, my next wife agreed with my request that when the HT comes over, which she says is necessary for me to attend since she's a woman, that there would be absolutely no discussion of a religious nature. She agreed and it really allows me to control the situation rather than the HT.

Hopefully this idea might help some others. Thanks

We previously had an avant garde (or some such) painting by a local artist hanging on the wall that included a small female figure with full frontal nudity - including a rich pubic thatch.

(I might have hung it purely for the benefit of TBM visitors ...)


Whenever DW's HT's would come over, I could hear them twittering and talking in low tones about the art on the wall behind them. Eventually they stopped coming: no HT's & VT's in quite a long time.

Could be that all you need in your household is a little artwork?

Follow up ... it just hit me this morning: when the EQ Prez asked me if I wanted HT visits a few months ago, I should have said no. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. This is far from over.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2012 09:56AM by Major Bidamon.

...to find the balance between keeping your marriage and waking up your wife to the truth about the church. It's not easy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2012 10:10AM by WiserWomanNow.

Ya know, you could always just disappear when (or before) they arrive.
The drawback of course, is that it gives them time alone with your wife where they can scare her and try to manipulate you through her, but if you are sitting in the car and drive off with a friendly wave as soon as they pull up, or if you are really bold, go downstairs in the basement and make noise with the tools, I think they will get the hint.

If none of that is feasible, you can always just steer the conversation away from church by talking weather, sports, cars, work, politics and then when they try to give their little messagey-poo, you can let them know you already read it in your own copy of the Ensign.

Oh- and make sure you work in some extra efforts here and there to make your wife feel appreciated and happy. Flowers on a Wednesday are much more meaningful than on Valentines day.

My husband was brilliant at this. He was very subtle, never direct. Eventually they stopped coming.

although I hate this idea, it's the one my wife agreed to today. She doesn't want new HTs, she wants a "spiritual message", and she wants monthly visits.

Only possible solution (other than causing some real family discord and pain by being the "manly man" and telling her "now woman, you're going to do what I say" ... even if this were my style, it would result in more pain than it's worth) is for me to step out during the visits.

Nice and smart guy. Lawyer.

When he comes over, always the last week of the month, he brings super yummy chocolate chip cookies that his wife makes. We have a kind of funny dance that happens. He is very careful not to ask me any questions, as I think he knows my cross examination would be detrimental.

Last vist was in Dec. He talked about the extra scrutiny the church is under because of the evangelicals against Mitt Romney. He said he didn't know why people hate the church so much...so I explained it to him. It is the tradition of the mormon church to proselytize members of other churches, depriving those churches of members and revenue. Evangelical churches recognize each others baptisms, but they do not recognize mormon baptism. Evangelicals believe in the Nicene Creed, which mormons eschew.

When I finished, the kids (teenagers) looked back at him, inquisitively, and he said, "Yes, most people don't know about that subtle difference in the Nicene Creed...but anyway, if you read the Book of Mormon and pray you can know the church is true."

So, I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine, right in front of the HT (my kitchen is open to the living room), and then I started making dinner...complete lack of courtesy to the HT (of course, he was disturbing my Sunday, so he showed me no courtesy either).

At the end of the visit, he always asks me what he can do for our family. I always give the same response, "I need $1 million."

After he's gone, my 16 yo autistic daughter says things like, "I don't want some old man watching me from the sky when I'm in the bathtub." My 16 yo son says things like, "religion is bizarre." My 14 yo son rolls his eyes and gets back on facebook and my wife says, "I wish you wouldn't pick on him so much. He's just doing what he thinks is right." To which I reply, "Just like Al Qaeda."

Then we eat, and talk about what everyone is doing with their time and what's up with school, work, home, romance, etc.

I suggest that your home is your castle, and when you are done with him, leave the room or turn on the tv or grab a beer...if you are REALLY done, ask him to leave. If you just don't want to spend the time, then get back to your day.