Who among you is a prophet?

I thought since so many people enjoy participating in "March Madness" betting pools it would be fun to see if any among you can predict how this next general conference "will be different."

Can you predict any surprise changes, new revelations, announcements, etc.

Here's your chance to shine and impress us mortals with your prophetic abilties!

As has been stated in other posts, I predict that this will be a very boring conference. Although they talk about being a global church, the US presidential elections with Romney and the scrutiny the church is getting now will generate a conference that will focus on how "christian" the church is.

It will probably be different from previous conferences with fewer JS praising talks and less emphasis on the LDS only doctrines such as WOW, earings, etc.

Indeed, both of this year’s MoCult General Conferences will probably be indiscernible from the Annual Meeting of the Southern Baptist Convention, June 19-20, 2012, at the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center in New Orleans.

Jebus will miraculously become the main theme with little or no talk of dead-dunkin’, “one and only truthiness” or the “spayshulness” of a priesthood directly restored from dead Bible characters.

> As has been stated in other posts,
> I predict that this will be a very boring conference.

MORmONS dont give a damn about what you think is boring or not. They will tell you what is really important or not according to their lofty MORmON ideals, and then they will jam it down your throat. If you still dont like what MORmONISM has decided is important then the MORmONS can see the laban treatment as a final option for dealing with you.

Right now the MORmONS are giddy as teen age girls with the prospects of having stupid ass phony Romney as U.S. Pres.
and its going to be absolutely SICKENING listening to them gloat if it happens. On the flip side MORmONISM will be subjected to exactly the kind of inspection that it can not bear. STupid ass MORmONS seem to have forgotten that their religion is really basically just a stupid secret handshake SCAM.

I agree with the poster above. Their main effort will be to focus on Christ and his teachings, while avoiding every confidential issue. They will also probably try to play the finance report, where it is not such an obvious cover up for fraud for outsiders. Might actually give some specific examples of how much money is being spent on this or that, but will claim time specifics from going into too much detail.

One more prediction, they might get gutsy, and try to go full damage control on some of the more troubling issues that have been getting media attention. Some way of explaining to the press that Romney had nothing to do with the dead dunking of the Jews.

I see John Belushi reincarnated doing backblips down the isle while he sees the light. James Brown brought in to Emcee the whole ordeal.

or

Monson at the round table: "Boys, 10k for everytime you mention Jesus at the pulpit. Go light on the Joe Smith thing this year. Circle the wagons."

brings the Question:

is there an "Invisible Hand" guiding-determining the direction of GC & individual talks?

If I was one of 'the Lord's Annointed', I wouldn't let ANYONE tell me what to say...

when you go to conference make sure you play mormon bingo.

http://www.salamandersociety.com/bingo/

Since I started this thread I guess I'm kinda obligated to give at least one prophesy.

As we all know, or most of us, TSCC is taking an incredible beating primarily because of the internet.

For example, a great number of their full time missionaries, especially in internet savvy countries (with a few exceptions), are returning with little to show for their two years, many with their tender testimonies shattered and many bitter because of what they learned about the TSCC that was hidden from them.
(this last group is proving to be a 'real cancer" in TSCC affecting other members upon their return)

Many of us already know TSCC has already started shifting a much higher % of their missionaries to south america and africa, countries with much less internet access.

I'm going to prophecise, LOL, that monson is finally going to give the members a revelation. A revelation to the effect that the Lord commanded missionary work to cease and/or be greatly reduced among many of the most "hardened" countries. That the time of reaping is over for those people and that this is a "sign" of the last days. (sorry BKP)

I know it's a little "out there," but if you think about it it makes since for a number of practical reasons.

Nigeria seems to be pretty internet savvy--look at all the scams they run. Wait! They'd make perfect members!

Just Once Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ...I know it's a little "out there," but if you think
> about it it makes since for a number of practical
> reasons.

Nah, that doesn’t make “since” or sense; the MoCult suits can’t be doing any prophesying—not this year, anyway! Good golly, they gotta be playin’ down that modern day prophet crap, what with the possibility of a Mo becoming the POTUS. I mean sheesh, who do you suppose Mittens will be going to if he’s got a direct connection with GAWD sittin’ in the COB?

Lane,

You're reasoning makes a lot of "sense" and I tend to agree with you. However, the thread was just to have fun and cause a little introspection.

BTW, you sound like someone with considerable "mental horsepower." What do you prophesy (I mean predict) will be different at the next conference?

P.S. I hope your not so critical that you expect everyone to "spell check" all their comments. If so, I'll probably be providing you a lot of future fodder.

Just Once Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Lane,
>
> You're reasoning makes a lot of "sense" and I tend
> to agree with you. However, the thread was just
> to have fun and cause a little introspection.
>
> BTW, you sound like someone with considerable
> "mental horsepower." What do you prophesy (I mean
> predict) will be different at the next conference?
>
>
> P.S. I hope your not so critical that you expect
> everyone to "spell check" all their comments. If
> so, I'll probably be providing you a lot of future
> fodder.


I’m sorry if I seemed overly critical; I was just messing with you. Fact is “since” isn’t misspelled. It’s just one of those sounds-alike words; kinda like “you’re” and “your.” Anyway, I’ll make my share of typos; trust me.

I’ve already mentioned what I think will be different about this year’s conferences, i.e., much less dialogue reminding all of how obliquely self-serving the MoCult is and how it owns the monopoly on truthiness.

Oh, BTW, I'd dead.

May you rest in peace.

Enjoy your week!

I predict that conference will be as dull, correlated and watered down as usual, with no new revelations and not a single use of 'thus saith the Lord'. I also predict that TBMs will be thoroughly satisfied and rejoice with the watered down milk they've been fed.

On Saturday they are going to dig in, call everyone to repentance, and to pay a full tithe. They will also pound on people to stay off the internet, while minimizing and obfuscating any negative press and history. Probably something like:

"...brothers and sisters, we have seen satan grow powerful in these the last days with many of those who have lost their way due to offense and sin who feel that they should, through a misguided desire to expose the church, to bring up insignificant issues that the bretheren long since addressed and dismissed. making them seem fresh and new so they seem important and urgent. Don't be fooled by this attempt to sabatoge and bring low the COJCOLDS. Do not support them by looking at their material, or give credence to their foolish ideas by wasting your time on them. Concentrate on the spirit, listen to it guide you as you read your scriptures and other church approved material. Pray often, the Lord will reveal the truth to you in your heart. Do not fall prey to the wisdom and learning of men. Men can be deceived, but the spirit is your honest guide, he cannot deceive, and it has been prophecied that the bretheren cannot lead you astray. Trust in their words, and in the feeling you get, even that still small voice that cries out to you, and tells you when you are delving into dangerous waters. Avoid these things like the plague brothers and sisters, many good and loyal members have been led to sin and a carnal life because of the sweet sounding words of those vain, fallen friends who put their faith in the arm of flesh, forgetting that sweet feeling of the spirit that tells us of the truthfulness of the everlasting gospel. Do not give up and eternity with your family because a few simple questions that will be answered in the hereafter..."

Ok, I went a little crazy there, sorry.


Sunday, on the other hand, will be sunshine and roses, with faith promoting stories abounding and talk of massive growth in Africa and wherever else the church can manage to grow.

Oh, and they will announce another temple somewhere in mormon central.

Great Post

It all sounded so familiar, so loving, so wise, dare I say, so inspired?

Unfortunately, as Shakespeare said, "The devil can cite scripture for his purpose."

It won't surprise me if the asshats will do more guilt tripping about the young single adults needing to get married and pop out kids, and how glorious it is to live and love in Moron proverty. No thank you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/28/2012 04:36PM by imalive.

I always tune in for at least part of one droning speech. The content doesn't matter, it is always the same. It's always enough to remind me of much I value my life now.

+1

I always tune in for a minute or two. Then I count my blessings - my mind belongs to me now, my weekends belong to me, my entire income belongs to me, I'm in a relationship with another guy that I wouldn't trade for anything ...

If they're the true church of God on earth and the leaders are on God's speed dial, why is the whole damn thing so boring and depressing? I've been to funerals that are more upbeat.

As I do every 6 months, I'll ask my Mom how conference was and she'll say, "It was really good this time." Then I'll ask her if anything new that was mentioned and she'll draw a blank.

"funerals that are more upbeat" I love the laughs I get from here and the astute observations that expose the core of it all.

I hereby prophesy that a new profit, sneer and elevator will be indoctrinated in.

I further sayeth unto thee that there will be a massive spin on the membership numbers.

I imagine the Politburo 15 are in fevered meetings trying to figure out how to put more spin on the whole deal so the sheep will feel all warm and fuzzy...and loyal...and whatever comes out will sound as incredulous and completely devoid of reason and logic as what passes for the "truth" coming out of North Korea...

They're running out of places to put temples.

Cincinnati?
Cleveland? (Kirtland doesn't count)
Milwaukee? (Wisconsin has no temples yet)
Pittsburgh?
Little Rock?
El Paso?
Des Moines?
Wichita?
Tucson?

Only U.S. states without a temple are Maine, Vermont, NH, RI, NJ, WV, AR, SD, IA, KS. (Unless I missed one?)

Only Central American countries without a temple are Nicaragua (Managua being the obvious city) and Belize.

In Europe, Oslo and Dublin are potential sites, as well as Vienna, Budapest, Warsaw, Bucharest, Athens.

New Delhi could be a possibility.

Forget about the Arab world at this juncture, that ain't gonna happen.

I forgot about Moscow or St. Petersburg Russia. (Hell, if they can put one in Kiev, right?)

And yes I understand that at this point, most of these temples if they ever exist will be for publicity and investment purposes, not because of local membership requirements which are probably negligible in most of these places (except maybe Central America.)

I'll tell you what WON'T be on the agenda for conference:

1. A public admission that the church continues to practice polygamy in its temples by sealing multiple women to faithful men.
2. An explanation why baptism of holocaust Jews continues unfettered.
3. A clear explanation of why tithing proceeds funded the Prop 8 fight.
4. A mea culpa for not divulging with more detail the sexual shenanigans of Joseph Smith in official lesson manuals.
5. An admission that the Book of Abraham is a funeral scroll, not the fourth standard work.
6. An apology for tearing marriages and families apart by elevating pornography to the equivalence of infidelity, for artificially generating fear and maintaining mind-control.
7. An admission that Mitt Romney's glory will be third only to Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ if he wins the presidency.
8. And removal of Boyd K Fudge Packer from the Twelve for suspected pedophilic proclivities associated with the Boy Scouts of America, specifically the Webelos. (Get it? We blows.)