Posted by:
goatsgotohell
(
)
Date: April 05, 2012 03:54AM
Convert, happy at first. TSCC filled up some voids, gave some direction, and so much support. YSA activites, lots of fun.
I married in the temple. Good because I love my husband, but hard because I essentially had to give my family the finger.
Alot like strivingforbalance...started teaching YW, husband taught seminary, led scouts. Started to see they ugly side - it was no LDS commercial anymore.
Had kids. Once I complained to someone that I was getting nothing out of Church because I just spent it in the hall with the baby. They became all affronted and told me I wasn't going for me anymore, my purpose was to indoctrinate the kids. I didn't want my kids hanging with the LDS kids. Many were brats.
Starting to feel sucked dry. Trying to take care of my growing family. Teach this class, serve this person, husband out of the home on church business. Feeling abused by the autority. I was a YW leader. It was Girl's Camp time. I'm an outdoorsy girl - degree and career along with love of nature. Everywhere else I had lived YW leaders went to Girl's Camp. I asked something about going, assuming I was, and was told it was an invitation only event and I was not invited. We tithe, we fast. We are asked to double our fast offering. There is never enough $$. CA prop 22 - previous to prop 8 - pressure to support, and we don't. We are not real happy now, but we keep trying, because if you sacrifice it all, you are promised you will be happy. I must not be trying hard enough.
My husband tries to affirm his faith - he is feeling the costs of the church, and wants to truly feel like those costs are worth it. If the church is making our life so hard, we better believe it in order to keep doing it.
What he discovers is astounding. Together we watch everything we held true unravel before us. Within 2 weeks we leave. The past 7 years, we've been trying to sort it out. Some good, some difficult. Altava, I soooo get what you are saying.
Like Devashoe said, I think there is a part of me that is generally happy now and was mostly happy then because most of the time I am happy, or I can at least ignore the crap. Like imaworkinonit, I have to agree, it was a mixed bag. And it still is!