I heard all my life how the gospel brought people happiness. How I should be the happiest person on earth because I was a member of the true church. But, when I look back on it all, it sure seemed that the mormon church took a lot more than it ever gave back..my money, time, choice of underwear and clothing, and peace(replaced by guilt).

I suppose it did give me a sense of smugness that "we" were right and "they" were wrong. Oh wait, that probably wasn't a good thing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/04/2012 08:12PM by gemini.

I was happy because my family was unified. Now, we are not. DH chooses to have a poor attitude about the whole situation, which makes me unhappy.

Having my freedom and choosing how I want to worship is a lot better in the long run.

I may not be as happy, but I am certainly more fulfilled in my life now that I've gotten rid of the trash (read:LDS Church).

exmollymo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was happy because my family was unified. Now, we
> are not.

This is the danger of Mormonism. Things can be okay as long as everyone stays in the delusion. Many more families are about to be torn apart. It would be so much better if people were not brainwashed into the cult to begin with.

I knew nothing else. I was told I was happy so I thought I was. I now know the difference and no, I was not happy.

It's like a drug-induced happiness -- the drug of Mormonism.

MORmON Jesus looking over my shoulder every second, I felt terrorized.
what kind of happiness is that?

I was a convert, and was happy at first (first 7 years or so)... singles wards, lots of friends, active social life, interesting discussions, quiet reflective sacrament meetings, etc. When I got married that was my first experience in a normal 'family' ward... serious culture shock.

That's when things started to feel "off"... the primary and YW programs made me very uncomfortable, especially when I sat through my first 'primary program' (more like programming). Sacrament was loud and frustrating, the talks were terrible, and I suddenly found myself 'getting nothing from church'. I also went to the temple for the first time 3 weeks before my wedding... and my own 'sealing' was the first one I had seen. I found the endowment to be uncomfortable and the prayer circle to be cult-like.

I was used to being treated like a second-class citizen because I never went on a mission, but it was actually worse in the family ward.

Church became a chore very soon after attending the family ward. I'm MUCH happier now that I'm out, dispite the divorce and "we don't shun shunning".

TL;DR At first I was happy, then I wasn't.

As I am in the process of leaving, losing the guilt of constantly not being good enough for my parents or the church. I might not be where I want to be, but I think that it was one of the things holding me back so much. If I wasn't so depressed and worried about pleasing a church that really didn't care about me in the first place, I'd probably be a different person.

Now I'm trying to pick up the pieces.

I was until I graduated from BYU single. Then during my years in a CA singles' ward and as a sister missionary, I was mostly frantic. Frantic to get married or frantic to get missionary work done. Once I got married, I was not happy and that was a big problem for me because I'd been promised happiness if I married an RM in the temple, popped out a couple of babies and grew close to my new spouse, sacrificing to get through school in a humble apartment. What a crock. It was hell.

I didn't become happy again until I left the church and figured out why I was so miserable and run ragged for so long. Now I'm happy and confident, which is much better than being just happy.

Being a gay kid in the 50's and 60's was bad enough with out adding Mormon to the mix.

Oh yeah, I was just ecstatic. It was fantastic being taught to be ashamed of who you really are, keep up the front, and be the perfect mormon boy.

I was happy as a clam from birth to age 13, in my little midwestern hometown and our tiny Branch. Everyone there was either literally family or our families had known each other since Methuzulah was a pup.

Then when I was 13 we moved to Michigan, attended a huge ward just outside of Detroit where I met for the first time Mormons adults who were mean-spirited, who had a harsh and cruel sense of humor. I met Mormon kids who were badly behaved and delighted in giving trouble to adults. Quite the culture shock.

Thinks got better when stake boundaries changed and we were once more in a small branch that quickly became a close family. I was happy from then until I got old enough to seriously question doctrine.

The thing is I was mostly happy as a Mormon, but my happiness was not Because I was Mormon.
Similarly I was mostly happy in 15 years of a bad marriage, because it is my nature to be fairly happy (it's my default setting) and despite the marital yuckiness I had a great time with my 4 kids,so the happy people in our house outnumbered the unhappy people 5 to 1.

I think even if you can find ways to be "happy" in a situation that is not necessarily an indication that you should stay in the situation.
I left the church because it lies, not because I thought I'd be happier as a Non-Mormon.

The youth programs were great. I was in plays, dance festivals, super activities, etc. There was a wealth of culture in my stake (high level music events).

However, there was unnecessary guilt, and then there was the lack of independence fostered by family and the church.

And (like CA girl mentioned), after I graduated from college, as a single woman, the church teachings and social pressure to marry were a definite negative. I was rather panicked that I would be an old maid. And the juvenile mindset in the singles wards was irritating. I didn't fit there OR in family wards.

When I (finally) married and had kids, church was a whole different ballgame. It was mostly about the kids. And the adult meetings got boring (when I could even listen, since I usually had babies or toddlers needing attention). I'd heard it all before. Church became and exercise in futility. Got dressed up, wrestled with the kids for 3 hours, and came home exhausted.

Church just provided another "to do" list. And none of it made me feel spiritual. That's when the REAL guilt came into play. Since I didn't have a testimony or feel "the spirit" very often, I was obviously doing something wrong. So I started picking at every fault. My husband used to tell me that I had guilt down to an art.

I felt like I was happy in the church, and basically I was. I liked most of the people and the instant friends. And I loved my family. But perfectionism was the source of quite a bit of misery. And the church didn't deliver on promises of a deep spiritual life, and I REALLY wanted that.

So I guess it was a mixed bag.

I KNOW I was happy because TSCC told me I was.

HA!

I was always at the end of my rope when I was a Mormon. Getting out of the Church was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Convert, happy at first. TSCC filled up some voids, gave some direction, and so much support. YSA activites, lots of fun.

I married in the temple. Good because I love my husband, but hard because I essentially had to give my family the finger.

Alot like strivingforbalance...started teaching YW, husband taught seminary, led scouts. Started to see they ugly side - it was no LDS commercial anymore.

Had kids. Once I complained to someone that I was getting nothing out of Church because I just spent it in the hall with the baby. They became all affronted and told me I wasn't going for me anymore, my purpose was to indoctrinate the kids. I didn't want my kids hanging with the LDS kids. Many were brats.

Starting to feel sucked dry. Trying to take care of my growing family. Teach this class, serve this person, husband out of the home on church business. Feeling abused by the autority. I was a YW leader. It was Girl's Camp time. I'm an outdoorsy girl - degree and career along with love of nature. Everywhere else I had lived YW leaders went to Girl's Camp. I asked something about going, assuming I was, and was told it was an invitation only event and I was not invited. We tithe, we fast. We are asked to double our fast offering. There is never enough $$. CA prop 22 - previous to prop 8 - pressure to support, and we don't. We are not real happy now, but we keep trying, because if you sacrifice it all, you are promised you will be happy. I must not be trying hard enough.

My husband tries to affirm his faith - he is feeling the costs of the church, and wants to truly feel like those costs are worth it. If the church is making our life so hard, we better believe it in order to keep doing it.

What he discovers is astounding. Together we watch everything we held true unravel before us. Within 2 weeks we leave. The past 7 years, we've been trying to sort it out. Some good, some difficult. Altava, I soooo get what you are saying.

Like Devashoe said, I think there is a part of me that is generally happy now and was mostly happy then because most of the time I am happy, or I can at least ignore the crap. Like imaworkinonit, I have to agree, it was a mixed bag. And it still is!

No I was not happy. From being in Primary I hated the doctrine of polygamy, and the fact that beloved members of my family were not going to heaven because they were not Mormons.

I also worried that my dog was not going to heaven because when I asked about this, mormon leaders couldn't answer and acted like they didn't care.

If you are a young adult the church can add happiness in the sense that gives you a social life. Many Mormons may find happiness if they never question the church and just go along with it. Find a spouse who does the same, and raise kids to follow the church without question. I have certainly seemed the stereotypical mormon family and some appear very happy. Although the happiness you feel as someone who is an actual truthseeker, and someone who has real morality, not morals that are invented by questionable people like a serial adulteror (Oh yeah he married all those girls, right) is far better than the cultish type of happiness. Real freedom is better than being told what to believe with the threat that if you don't believe it you will suffer eternal punishment.

I thought of a more succinct way to say it.

I was often happy While being a Mormon,
I just wasn't happy About being a Mormon.

I honestly wasn't happy as a mormon. I saw the looks people give you when you start saying LDS or Book of Mormon. I put up with it until I learned for myself that the LDS church was full of crap.

Except on my mission, I never truely tried to 'share the gospel' (aka missionary work) with friends, family or peope at work because I always was thinking if I'm not happy while I'm in the church how can I convince someone else that they would be more happy having "the truth".

My predominant emotion was embarrassment as I began to realize that TSCC wasn't "just another church" (joined for the sake of my GF), but something downright creepy and not genuine (so goes the flock, so goes the church).

It never "worked" for me. My old man was a non-Member and my mom was inactive. My Dad smoked and we were on the do not talk to or acknowledge they exists list, as a kid.

I don't want to write more. Suffice it to say it hasn't worked out since.

Am I happy now? Yes and no. The "no" deals with things that probably were influenced by Mormonism but may exist anyway without it, but they can't be fixed so it decreases my happiness level, significantly.

Yes. But that's because my parents raised me to be self-suffient for my own happiness (my dad's words). It actually worked pretty successfully, but it had nothing to do with mormonism. I'm still using those skills today, and sure enough they work just as well outside of mormonism too.

I was miserable as a mo. Once I realized the truth, it wasn't hard to leave at all. My only regrets in life are not leaving 20yrs sooner and shunning my non-believing dad at my temple wedding and not even thinking twice about it.

If you don't look or have interests that are similar to that tiny little box, you are marginalized completely.

Metal nerd = spawn of Satanosaurus. And that asshole is my brother, not my father.

I was not happy. In fact, one of the crucial moments in my extraction process was sitting at church and realizing I was paying ten percent of my income to sit for several hours per week with a bunch of homophobic Republicans.

Is that what I wanted?

They were about to pass the sacrament. I refused to take it, and after the sacrament was passed, I rose and walked out of the building. A couple of weeks later, I mailed my letter of resignation. That was five years ago, and life has never been better.

I have not returned to church services except for two baby blessings since then. Since my family knows I'm out of the church, they are appreciative of the "sacrifice" I make to attend the blessings. And since blessings usually happen on F&T meeting days, I get to be reminded by random strangers just how much I appreciate my non-member status. Oy!

I looked at my Catholic neighbors and couldn't understand why they seemed so happy even thought the Mo leaders said they weren't, and only Mormons were truly happy.

A 9 year old having suicidal thoughts/tendancies doesn't strike me as a happy Mormon.

I wasn't happy. I was pretending to be someone/something that I wasn't. I could never measure up to what was expected of me.
After I left I did a full year of soul searching and just resently have found peace within myself and I like where I am. I feel free to make my own choice, I enjoy a glass of wine now and then and I don't feel guilty for the choices I make.
My marriage is in a good place and my kids are happy and are not weighed down with the burdens of being a perfect kid out in public!
We are who we are and that is a great feeling, we are not pretending anymore!

-S

I was very happy in the LDS church for the first decade or so after my conversion in high school--then it wore thin as I became an older single and experienced more of the real adult world "out there" in my profession. Cognitive dis. started humming louder and louder in the back of my mind. Then I got the temple marriage I'd waited for and was content for about a decade, too busy and happy with my beautiful children. Then when they became more independent, I now had more time to think . .and to research.

I'm glad I'm out. The happiness of being LDS was a false one, based on a delusion.

Everyone in the "Gentile" world thought I was weird. I was never rightous enough for my parents. The rest of the stake youth resented me, as their parents put me on a pedistal and told there kids, "..why can't you be more like the Stake pres's son, jon1?".....

What's not to like about that...

I believed that I was happier than non-Mormons, because I was told that non-stop.

For me, Mormonism was a giant load of guilt that I carried around with me all the time. I wanted to be perfect but I wasn't. I wanted my family to be perfect but they weren't. I wanted my husband to be perfect, but he wasn't. I felt cheated out of my perfect Mormon dream. Long before I lost my testimony I gave up on trying to be perfect. But it led to depression and anxiety.

I thought I was until one day after I'd returned home from church, flopped into a chair and looked, I don't know, tired out. My mother said, "Can I ask you a question? Why doesn't your faith make you happy?"

It really startled me, because I'd thought it did. But she noted that every time I returned home on a Sunday, I seemed drained.

It was an interesting observation and it sure startled me, because I hadn't even realized the effect that Sundays at church had on me.

Worse than figuring out the church wasn't true was realizing that, despite what I'd told myself for 40 years, I was very unhappy in the church. Being a Mormon made me feel inadequate and laden with guilt and shame. Good riddance to that.

Of course! I CHOSE to be happy! :D :D :D
*Creepy Relief Society president smile*


I told every one I was happy, because if you weren't happy, then obviously there was some thing wrong with you. You were obviously sinning. I was suicidal in middle school. Had bad depression in high school, but I couldn't let any one know, because depression means you don't have the spirit with you. That's what my seminary teacher pounded in our heads every week. Very healthy. I never realized how unhappy I was until I left and I discovered what it actually was to be happy.

I think I thought I was happy... like a goldfish in it's tiny bowl, never aware of any thing out of it's water land. Yup, yup, I was a happy little goldfish.

I wasn't ever really happy in the church, and most of the time, it was just down right miserable. Was sexually abused by a female relative when I was 10. The bishop at the time told me that the abuse was my fault, because I was the male. I was in a large, low-income family, and wasn't part of the in-crowd in the youth and scouting program. I married 2 morg women, 1 who turned out to be crazy. The last straw with her was when I had to bail her out of jail for shoplifting a 10 lb block of cheese, and an umbrella. Married a single mother of 3 great boys. Their mother was an accountant who stole from her clients, and slept with the ones she didn't steal from. When I busted her for cheating on me, she told the stake president that I was physically abusive. While I was away, helping out a good friend, she had my "good friends" in the quorum move her out of the house, and take everything I owned. When I was 18, my best friend since I was 5, and a non-member, came out of the closet in a letter addressed to his parents and me. He left the letter on his dresser, and hung himself from the tree in his back yard. When my parents found out from his parents why he committed suicide, they, along with the bishop told me that attending his funeral would be making a public statement that I accepted his being gay - I went anyway. I left the church after the same men who had blessed each others children, who had played softball with me, who had asked for my help for various things, deceived me. I only came to a realization of the falseness of this church after I left.....finally.

Wow dude. Glad you are out of the church now. Sorry about your abuse as well as the women you married.

I guess it is hard in "he said, she said" situations, but I certainly don't like how the church stands on abuse. From my perspective they generally take the wrong side most of the time. I had a sister abused by an RM, and the church took her side. That led to her leaving the church.

The church is a sham. I wish we all would've left sooner so the hell it caused us wouldn't have been there.

I was happy being a Mormon, but only because I did not fully appreciate what I was missing out on. I am happier as a non-Mormon.

It is impossible to ever be fully happy or fully miserable all the time. Our brains simply can not sustain emotional states like that. However, as a non-Mormon, I get less guilt, and I don't have to pass up things or people I want to do.

I was not but thought it was my lot in life and that I was flawed. It turns out that I am perfect but the church is not. I mean, who knew, right?

Ah HELL NO!! I can honestly say that I suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life until I realized that the church was a load of b.s. Some people struggle with leaving, for me it was a huge relief. It's not as if I never had any happy moments, or like I was ever severely depressed or suicidal. It's just like everything was in black and white and when I left the church I saw things in vivid colors for the first time.

I think that the Mormon application of never ending guilt trips, combined with the whole striving for perfectionism and adding to that the pressure to keep up with the rest of the Mormons who are also putting on a phony facade of perfection and happiness can be just way too much for most of us mere humans to cope with. It's just not a mentally healthy way of life. Period.

I was happyfor the most part, but Mormonism sure fucked with my post-mormon happiness for a while.

Never. My dad was "inactive", so my mom and I always were looked down upon as even more second-class than most women because we didn't have the priesthood in our home.

I was a burgeoning feminist and always chafed under the demeaning YW lessons. I never fit in with the social organization. Fortunately, we lived outside the Morridor, so The church did not dominate my neighborhood or school friendships.

I think the church has tried to back away from the doctrine, but I specifically remember being taught to be very careful whom I married, because a woman (no matter how righteous) could only progress as far as her husband was worthy in the eternities.

Going to the temple the first time in my 30s really drove home men's perceived superiority.

Horrible, joyless, awful cult.

I was in my doctor's office one day answering routine questions and mentioned something like: 'of course I feel suicidal sometimes, everyone does, it is part of growing up and being human." she said emphatically: "no, no it isn't normal, that isn't something that should be happening to you".

Honestly though, I didn't care if I was happy or not. If God wanted me to go to church, by hell I was going to do it. The church was true, if I felt "off' that was my fault. Well guess what? a newspaper story about DNA sparked my interest. After a period of intensive investigation, I finally realized the church is a fabrication. My world is much better now.

I was raised in a good and close family in a small mormon only town. However I never felt any special closeness to the mormons and the clicqes and famlies that ran things. I went along to get along. As soon as I graduated HS,,I left and removed myself from the mormons. Never regreted it,,,



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/07/2012 03:07PM by unworthy.

Nope... Issues playing with the "little factory" made college and my twenties a living hell... Not mention my mission.

Pre-mission, usually happy. Back then there were lots of activities, and I had some pretty good church counselors and advisors. We did lots of fun things and I had some great friends. The churchy parts were just the cost of doing business for me.

Mission and since, rarely, if ever.

Yes. Yes I was.

In a brainwashed-like-those-fundy-plyg-wives kind of way.

;o)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/07/2012 03:33PM by shannon.