So, I'm a non-believing mormon attending BYUI. I have already decided, before I came up here, that I didn't believe in the church, but I wanted to get out of my parents house and BYUI was the only affordable option I had. I'm on my second semester and I haven't (I think) found ANYONE who feels the same way I do. It's really hard to not be able to talk to anyone about how I feel. I keep having to lie to people about who I am: "When are you going on your mission?..."next year sometime." "Will you be the ward family history consultant and index dead people's names so we can baptize them?..."sure." It honestly feel like I'm gonna go postal! I really want to get the hell out of here but I have nowhere else to go, so for now I'm just stuck here.

Do you have any advice? Are you also up here suffering from the same problem? Please help...

I graduated Idaho State University in 2006. Depending on your academic endeavors, you might want to consider it. After some some time in Rexburg, you may meet residency requirements. Good luck!

...showing a group of Mormons. Each one had the same thought balloon. "I'm the only one who doesn't believe this crap."

I've seen many postings here at RfM from others who went to Ricks/BYU-I as unbelievers. So you ARE NOT the only disbeliever there now. And you can survive. You just need to find the other disbelievers -- maybe with L.A.EX's help.

But one way to find your fellow disbelievers is to stop acting like a believer. Sure, outing yourself will cause the believing majority to reject you, but the nonbelievers will know you're one of them. There is freedom in not faking it. You can also find actual friends that way.

When I told my oldest son about my unbelief, I asked him how he felt. He replied, "I'm relieved that I'm not the only person in this family who thinks it's all a load of crap. Does this mean we can go to Starbucks?"

If you any problems, doubts, issues, the church makes you feel like you're the exception. Everyone else is doing just great. But it's not true. Everyone has problems, everyone has struggles and doubts, but we were trained to keep up surface appearances so that non-Mormons would know how happy and blessed we were.

There is nothing lonelier than believing that no one else shares your struggles and pain, and no one understands, except maybe God.

I graduated from BYU-I last year, there is/was a postmo group there, you just have to search the forums and be on the look out. If I could do it over again I would have transferred to BYU-Hawaii or any state school I could get into. As I applied to graduate programs and jobs I always cringe filling out my app because forever and ever I will be associated with mormonism on my curriculum vitae.

While I was there I would lightly and circumspectly question many doctrines, dogmas, the scroll, school policy, etc in such a way that people new I was somewhat of a rebel spirit and they also knew they could approach me with their doubts. You don't want to get kicked out so don't go straight up saying Joseph Smith was a fucktard. If you leave, leave on your own terms, if you break the rules do it in a way you wont get caught and turned in.

While I was there a classmate was turned into the deans office by his vengeful wife for looking at porn, the funny thing was the guy was working with his bishop on it quietly, the wife wasn't satisfied with the results, got the honor code office involved, guy (professor's son) is 'strongly encouraged' to transfer to another school. Moral of the story, don't trust anyone who is TBM, not even a spouse. They are now divorced and he's an alcoholic so alls well that ends well right?

You can do it, I went there with doubts after my mission, the doubts lasted a year or so then exploded into complete unbelief for the next 3 years. Luckily my wife left the church with me. I would still recommend leaving and not looking back. It is such a painful environment for a nonbeliever.

Fucktard that's funny

I've done 5 semesters here. Due to a whole bunch of crap that went on, and me not dealing with it well, I ended up on Academic Suspension. Petitioned to have it lifted, but it was denied. (Big surprise!) I agree with labdork about Idaho State. In fact, my husband and I are so fed up with BYU-I/Rexburg that we ARE transferring to Idaho State later this year. I wish I had just gone there in the first place.
My husband is still TBM...I am definitely NOT. He knows where I stand, and I've tried explaining many things to him about Mormonism that just don't make sense, but I don't know if anything will come of it. On the bright side, I've noticed he hasn't been to church since I told him, about a month ago, and he doesn't answer the door anymore when "they" come.
Anywho, although I'll be leaving, and I'm not in school right now, I'm still here. I'd love to talk. I was beyond excited when I saw your post!

We should definitely talk! Just email me.

Hey matt,
I was looking on the fourm and saw your post..thinking it was mine since yesterday I posted a "I'm at BYU-Idaho...ahh!" sorta thread :)

I'm off track right now (I'm fall\winter) but I'll be back in the fall.

I don't know where I stand with the church exactly. I believe most of it. But other stuff I just kinda ignore. I take the temple seriously and I'm not worthy to enter but I believe what happens there is from God.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/01/2012 01:10PM by Susan I/S.

Hey, email me and we can talk about it. It's nice to be able to talk to someone who won't try to make you their "project" and will just listen.

Temple ceremony from god! Which one?

Many people seem to think that the only way to be successful in life is to get a college degree. That outlook tended to be valid in the past, but not so much any more.

Due to economic hard times about 50% of recent college graduates are unemployed. An individual's chances of getting a job are significantly affected by what they studied in college.

About fifteen years ago I was working for a major insurance company. A co-worker there had graduated from college with a degree in music. He was a talented classical musician, but he simply could not find a full time job in music that would support a family. So he worked part time as a musician and full time as a clerk at the insurance company. I believe that he was barely squeaking by with the two jobs.

If I were in your shoes I would take a serious look at another option. I would visit an Armed Forces Recruiting Center and talk to them about possible guaranteed job training. For example, I would inquire about enlisting in the Air Force and getting trained as a jet engine mechanic. The Armed Forces use a lot of high-tech computer equipment, so I would inquire about getting trained in the maintenance of that type of equipment.

After working in a job like that for four or eight years, then if you chose to resign you would be in great shape for getting a well paying civilian job in the same field. Another alternative is that the military provides funds for your college education after you resign.

Since you are totally unhappy with your life at BYU-Idaho, perhaps it is time to look for a completely new approach to getting excellent job training and getting away from the Mormon church.

I have a large posterity. In recent years I have had grandkids attending BYU-Idaho, BYU-Utah, BYU-Hawaii at the same time. The ones attending BYU-Idaho have been outspoken about wanting to leave it and go somewhere else. It is sort of a bad commentary.

snazzylizardpants@aol.com My email.
I don't understand how to get others emails off of here....

Hey! I'm a junior at BYU-I and let me just tell you, YOU'RE NOT ALONE! I'm home right now but I go back in the fall. It's been a bumpy road and I told my best friends fall semester 2011 and they freaked out. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I ended up taking winter semester off because of the stress it caused me. But I'm going back up in the fall to graduate ASAP. Since it's next to impossible to transfer from byui. If you need to talk let me know. I'm still having a hard time but its gotten a lot easier

Hey, you should email me. byuiapostate@yahoo.com

...I returned to BYU Provo, highly skeptical of "the gospel", but outwardly presenting myself as a member. But I did what a few others have recommended: I expressed a few thoughts, concerns, and doubts mildly, to get a sense of where people stood, and whether I could more fully open up to them. I did not present myself as a hyped-up, full of testimony believer. The result was that I encountered many open-minded members there, including my future wife. However, if I had to do it over again, I would not have placed myself in an environment where I had to soft-pedal my thoughts and obscure my real thinking and identity. But in the end, it worked out with my wife, and we both resigned our LDS memberships, many years after graduating from BYU.
Remember, in many political dictatorships people have had to learn not to fully speak their minds, upon pain of much greater punishment than you will ever encounter at BYU Idaho. By learning to express your doubts softly, you can survive where you are at. But I would still carefully examine my options of transferring to a state school.

I know that this has been previously mentioned, but it doesn't hurt to repeat. For my friends at BYU, be advised: Don't use the school's computers or wifi to visit this site. Also, if you are a BYU student, make sure to not tell us too much about yourself that might help them track you. They have eyes everywhere. Like don't say "I'm 21, majoring in engineering, and I'm married." Change some facts. If you're 21, tell us you're 19. If your majoring in Engineering, change your major to history for your contraband visits to see us. Or hell, tell us you've graduated already! If you're at Idaho, tell us you're at Provo, Salt Lake, or even Hawaii! They all play by the same game rules. If you're from Nevada, tell us you're from New Jersey. Get the degree or the transfer, then you can shout from the rooftops who you really are.

Re the Air Force suggestion:
I did that many years ago. My entire life since then, although it took me a looooong time to realize it, has been based on foundational qualifications I got from four years of active duty.

It MAY be an option, I'm not trying to push it. The AF is the least militaristic of the branches, in terms of your off-duty life.
If anybody does go AF, or any military route, make damn sure to choose a specialty with a civilian counterpart.

The bombloaders seemed to like their jobs while in, but there just wasn't a hell of a lot of demand for those skills once they got out.

So as long as you don't get caught breaking the honor code or whatever they call it, you don't have to be active or believing, right?

Can you not just pretend to be an inactive? ( as opposed to being an apostate.)

Robin,

I have the authority to speak on this...which really isn't a position of authority at all. Answer is, if you already went down into the baptismal waters, you need two things to attain and retain good standing at BYU:

1. a letter of recommendation from the bishop of the ward you attend while you're applying.

2. you must maintain a record of good attendance at the ward assigned to you when you move to the area.

Word to the wise: If you attend school in Provo, live outside the town within a reasonable driving distance...like in Pleasant Grove, Lehi, or Spanish Fork...you'll encounter fewer students in your ward, which can create some drama.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2012 12:00PM by jezebel2mishies.

Why is BYU-I the only option? Consider transferring to another school. If you parents are helping financially, tell them you want to major in something that BYU-I doesn't offer but that another reasonably priced state school does. You can change majors later and the privacy rules prevent the school from telling your parents anything.

I went to U of Idaho in Moscow after I graduated. I had instate tuition.

The first year I was there the LDS Institute celebrated their 50th anniversary of LDS Institutes.
U of I was where it began. The Profit told the director go to the U of I and reclaim our lost youth. So college level LDS doctrine classes were started for the youth that were "missing" the religion classes they would have gotten at BYU Utah.

So that could be a big selling point to get permission to go. They have a solid academic program and the LDS Institute is practically on campus! Why, they even have church meetings there (Singles and young marrieds).

So you could get to a more normal school and start getting the skills and networks necessary to wean yourself away from the TSCC and need of your parents support.

Couldn't figure out how to edit my post.
I'm a Ricks college grad. By the end of two years I'd had it and really didn't want to go on to BYZoo. So glad I didn't.

But at the U of I you can disappear into the campus life and away from the Institute. That's just a selling point to get permission to attend instead of going to Ricks. You still would have the 'church' to satisfy your parents and you can be very busy with school and not go to church at U of Idaho.

I went to Ricks in September of 1966. I was BIC but was raised in a rural area with no other LDS families in the close by and most of my friends were nonmo's with the exception of some MO guys who I partied with and who are now ex-mo's. By the time I got to Rexburg I was a non-believer and was unprepared for the stifling MORG 24/7 atmosphere I encountered. I made some lifelong friends but after a couple weeks I knew I was just there to pass the time. Some of the courses were interesting but the religious studies part was just incredibly boring plus the Honor Committee Nazi's were givin' me a hard time over a theft they tried to pin on me that I was NOT in any way guilty of. I was sooooo glad when the year was over.
I remember so many guys were just beside themselves with their to get their mission calls and I was just thinking WTF??? Why!!!...would you want to go away and do THAT for 2 years???



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2012 02:25PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

Check this out....
http://www.iamanexmormon.com/2010/12/my-name-will-remain-anonymous-im-a-byu-idaho-student-and-im-an-ex-mormon/

I was in your position but graduated in '09.

A little too late..

I could have written the exact same thing when I was at BYU. Don't be an idiot like me and go on a mission, then come back and graduate from BYU. I was lucky in that I had a girlfriend who thought it was as stupid as me, she was the only thing that kept me sane. Get out now, It only gets harder, not easier, to get off the crazy bus once it starts rolling.

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

"Resist the herd instinct: dare to stand out. It's better to be rejected for who you are, than to be accepted for who you are not." Hugh Mann

The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge. Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2012 06:46PM by guynoirprivateeye.

I told my bishop about my masturbation and he wouldn't sign my ecclesiastical endorsement. I graduated right then and there without attending another semester. However, the degree I graduated with was not the greatest degree. I wanted to stay at BYU longer to get a better degree. After I graduated, I spend 3 years working low paying jobs, not knowing what to do. Then I got an MBA from the U of U, but that may have been a mistake. I've been told that the MBA was not a good fit for me, but I didn't know what else to do. The MBA has not gotten me any long term high paying jobs. If I had been able to stay longer at BYU, and if I had found a better major, maybe I would have found a good job after graduation. But at least the shock of being rejected by BYU got me thinking seriously about the faults in the Church and got me to lose faith in Mormonism. I spent a lot of time researching Mormonism when I didn't know what kind of job to get.

I agree with those who suggested ISU. I lived in Rexburg/Idaho Falls for years after I got married and even as a TBM felt it was a bit stifling. I wasn't a student at BYUI so I can only imagine how much more stifling it must be for you. Anyway, I attended grad school at ISU and had to commute there from Rexburg and later Idaho Falls, but it was great. I really enjoyed the atmosphere at ISU (even though I was still quite TBM at the time and thought it was "too liberal" I still loved it). It is a pretty liberal school and Pocatello, unlike Rexburg/IF is a pretty laid back place. ISU has buses that you can take from Rexburg and IF to the Pocatello campus.And there is a campus in IF where you can take a lot of classes. So theoretically you wouldn't even have to move right away.

I imagine it'd be a lot easier to find people you could relate to at ISU as I remember meeting several exmos while I was there. Anyway, I'd look into if I were you. And they have some great programs, pharmacology, dental hygene and some others in the healthcare field that I hear are quite good (Don't know what your interests are). Best of luck.

My cousin, also at BYUI, is going through a lot of the same. You're not alone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/28/2012 11:48AM by ariel.