Posted by:
Steven
(
)
Date: September 27, 2010 05:31PM
1) There was this cop who was in our ward. He was asked by the bishop's wife to help a single sister in the ward, by answering some "ticket questions" for her. Well, you can guess, the phone call turned into a "I like you better than my current wife" situation, and he divorced his wife and married the woman w/ the ticket question. A month later, the old wife gets up in sac meeting, and basically tells the whole story, sobs, and ridicules the Bishops wife for "satanic match making." We all sat there with our mouths open. No one stopped her either.
2) There was this middle aged moronic woman who worked in a casino on Sunday's. She came to church dressed in her casino uniform. She was about 300 pounds, and kinda of a dorky lady. Bless her heart. She stood up and said, "bro's and sis's, I know this church is true..blah blah blah...I work in a Casino, and the spirit is in the Casino. A man came in and lost a lot of money at my black jack table. He said, 'holy sh$#' and 'what the F$#$', and I told him that he must not say those words. He apologized, and I could sense the spirit came upon him from me as he left with no anger or malice toward my table or the casino." Again, we all sat there in dumfounded amazement that she actually sounded out the two expletives..right there in sac meeting. We laughed so hard on the way home, and in fact, we have gotten a lot of mileage out of that one. We call in the "S and F" sac meeting. Very entertaining.
3) We had this old cambodian lady who was our chorister. She was such a hoot. I mean, she would continually stop the congregation 1/2 through the song, and make us start over..like everytime. Well she always bore her testimony, and it always lasted about 15 minutes. One day, in very broken English, she talked about how her husband was impotent, and how difficult this had been for her (I mean she's like 80 years old and he's gotta be 85). She said she had fasted and prayed about it, and finally realized that he could not "do it" because he hadn't read the BOM with her in the mornings, and was being punished.
OMG I laughed so hard at that one, I had to leave the meeting.